Is this rude? (Re: kids at the wedding)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to have no kids except the wedding party?
    Yes : (41 votes)
    20 %
    No : (152 votes)
    75 %
    I'm not sure - I'll tell you in the comments : (10 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m not sure about that … I would have thought no children at all. Let’s see what other Bees think about it. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    5207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @MoonlitMagnolia:  If your niece and nephew are in the bridal party it’s OK. Otherwise it would be rude to pick and choose.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    Ohh, sorry OP i read that wrong. ”Children in the bridal party”, you mean the flower girl and all ? I read ”children of the bridal party”, like your BMs’s children, and I thought if that means half the nephews will be there, that might be odd not to let other people bring their kids.

    I would change my vote to no, it’s not rude then !

    Post # 6
    Member
    3635 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    On one hand – yeah, they’re in the bridal party.  But on the other hand – YOUR family is in the bridal party and HIS isn’t? 

    But I’m a scorched earth kind of gal – all or nothing – and it hasn’t always worked out well for me, so…

    Post # 7
    Member
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @almostmrsj:  +1

    I don’t think it is rude to only have children who are in the bridal party, but it is weird that you only have 2 and they are both in the bridal party while none of his are. I think that is what more people will get upset about.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee

    My guest list is super limited (50) and I’ve had to cut a lot of people. I’m having an adult wedding and reception with the exception of FI’s neice and nephew. I don’t think it’s rude to exclude children, your wedding is small, you should be able to choose who you want there…but sometimes parents get really offended. I don’t care though.

    That might make me seem like a horrible person to some.

    Still don’t care :-

     

    Post # 9
    Hostess
    9892 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @MoonlitMagnolia:  I kinda agree with the all or nothing approach. It kinda rubs me the wrong way that the only kids invited AND the only kids in the wedding party are your side.  We’re just blanket inviting kids, they’re 18 of the 118 on our guest list.  It is what it is.

    Post # 10
    Member
    649 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @QuirkySocialite:  I don’t think you’re a horrible person at all! It’s your wedding. Plus, someone’s bound to be offended even if you do everything right =)

    OP, we followed the same rule (adults only, except our flower girl) and it made it so much easier to just have that line drawn. I think people would understand your decision, especially since it sounds like you’re having a smaller wedding.

    Post # 11
    Member
    594 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    DH’s niece and nephews were in our bridal party and they were the only children invited to our wedding, unless it was an infant. It’s fine to only have the children in your wedding party at your wedding as they have a role.

    Post # 12
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

     @MoonlitMagnolia:  

    I am having no children at my reception (except for my cousin who will have her 2 month new born – she could not come without the new born since she lives out of state). My 2 nephews will be in the wedding party, but they will go with their babysitter after the ceremony so they will not attend the reception. My brother did not feel like watching them either at the reception lol Perhaps that could be an option as well for you?

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @MoonlitMagnolia:  As long as you are consistent with your “rule” then I think it’s fine. I personally wouldn’t attend a wedding if I couldn’t bring my children but I know that most people would.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6504 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @almostmrsj:  +1

    Usually I think it’s fine to just invite those in the wedding party, however, as a guest I would think it’s strange that it’s just your side in the wedding party and if that was done on purpose (so you could just invite them and not his side).

    Post # 15
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @MoonlitMagnolia:  It’s fine not to have any cildren except for the ones in the bridal party. They have a role in your wedding, so it’s not like they’re attending becuause you prefer them over the other kids or anything. 

    People might grumble about the only kids invited being from your side, but really there isn’t any solution to that. If you invited some kids from DH’s side to be in the bridal party then all of the others are going to feel left out and you would have to invite all of the kids. Do you want a bridal party of 13 children? Only having kids from your side isn’t exactly fair, but it’s better than picking and choosing with your FH’s nieces and nephews – that really would be favoritism. 

    What you’ve devised seems like the best solution. Make sure you stick to only the bridal party (none of the chosen children’s little siblings or whatever) and you should be fine. 

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