Post # 1
FI has wanted to get married in the house. We both want an antique wedding. This house was built in 1888, so its an antique. We are on a budget. A tight budget.
My thoughts were to have a small wedding and then invite additional people to the reception. The wedding would be for family, 30 ppl tops. While we are getting pics taken those ppl can stay behind for some light refresuments in the house, then we can meet up at the reception. We are invitint 75 ppl to the reception.
Is it tacky to invite ppl just to the reception and not the wedding? If it is then we need a plan B cause the places I’m looking at I dont want to get married in. Also everyone knows that money is an issue and we are getting no help.
Post # 2
I was just a BM at one of my bestest friends ever, and she had 2 separate invitations, 1 invitation was for both ceremony and reception and other was for reception only. I think it worked out great.
So I don’t think it is a bad idea. Some people want an intimate ceremony but want to celebrate it with the world. There is nothing wrong with that
Post # 3
I understand the situation and personally would not be offended. If you’re literally keeping it family only for ceremony and hosting more guests after, I think that is okay. However, I can see it getting tricky for people bringing gifts when they were not invited to the actual wedding. Not at all assuming you expect gifts or anything, its just one of those funny situations. I am interested to see how others respond.
Post # 4
It’s pretty normal in the UK to have extra people at the reception so I don’t think it’s tacky at all but not sure if it’s different where you are
Post # 5
The more expensive part is the reception… so, if you’re looking as to whether you’re being cheap, you’re really not.
As far as tackiness? I’m really not sure if it is or not…
Post # 6
VictorianChick: It is perfectly appropriate to invite people to the reception who were not invited to the ceremony. It would be inappropriate to do the opposite.
Post # 7
It seems pretty normal to me… it’s standard in the UK to have evening guests.
Post # 8
I’m in the UK where pretty much every wedding has more evening guests, so personally I don’t find it rude in the slightest!!
Post # 9
Some people will disagree with me, but I would extremely offended. The whole point of the reception is to celebrate the wedding. Why would I want to celebrate the wedding of someone who didn’t feel it was important enough for me to be there for?
I feel that if your budget can’t accommodate everyone you want there you either cut down the guest list, have a cheaper wedding and less fancy, or push back the wedding until you have more money saved.
I don’t see why you can’t have the wedding in the house then have cocktail style finger foos instead of a full sit down reception. I’m sure that can be pulled off beautifully in an old house.
I’m sorry if that is harsh but those are my feelings.
ETA. Unless you are having a tiny ceremony with only family or something similar.
Post # 10
I was recently invited to a wedding and when I got there the ceremony had already taken place so we arrived for the receiving line and cocktail hour. I was fine with not being at the ceremony but was a little upset I had to make arrangements to leave work early (and my husband too) just to stand around. If the invite said cocktaila from 5:30-6:30 dinner at 7 I wouldn’t have minded because we wouldn’t have rushed there. But the way the invite was worded I thought it was a 5:30 ceremony.
So just make sure your invite is worded so that people know they are arriving to the reception.
Post # 11
I think it’s OK to do this IF the numbers balanced out differently – for instance about 10% of the people invited to the ceremony. I think it’s weird to have 40-45% invited to both and the rest only to the reception – it makes me wonder why that 45% are so much more special.
Post # 11
theshannondee: I never thought about the gifts part. I dont even care about the gifts, but you bring up an excellent point!
cpick: I’m in the US and I wasn’t sure what the proper thing to do was. I told my FI my plan yesterday and he was concerned it would offend people.
Post # 13
I mean, the reception is the fun part, but I would think it was weird that you invited me to that without letting me see you actually get married. That’s actually the important part.
Post # 14
gamerlover: I think the issue is that the house will only hold a small number.
As for it being offensive, I look at it this way. The reception is really a party to celebrate the wedding. I would not be offended by a friend if they called me up and said “Hey, we got married, we want to buy you dinner to celebrate” that is really what a reception is. However you are certainly not the only person who would be offended, there have been posts from offended guests, and brides dealing with offended guests here before.
Post # 15
gamerlover: We dont have enough space in the house for that. Nor do we have the parking. I don’t want a cocktail hour. If I’m doing that I might as well do nothing. And trust me, when it comes to cheapness my wedding is pretty damn cheap. We could save, but it would take us 4 years for a “proper” wedding and I’ll be 45 by then. I’d like to marry before I’m dead.
I see your points however.
gonatgo: Oh yeah, I would never want to do that to people!