Post # 1
Hi everyone – haven’t been on in awhile BUT I think we’ve made teeny progress. I can’t recall the last time I posted. But a quick rundown – been dating SO for just over two years. met families, together every weekend (live an hour apart), making plans to move in together soon, etc etc.
He is a bit marriage “shy” due to his last marriage which was a disaster. He will talk love, commitment, forever, etc – but isn’t comfortable saying the “m” word. In fact, said “never” once a while ago and then I called him on it and he said “I didn’t mean NEVER – I’m just not ready right now. I want to be able to decide when it’s time.” First wife – she pretty much decided for him. He didn’t propose to her (long story) yet she “talked him into it.”
We recently went on vacation and some folks asked why we weren’t married yet. (embarrassing). I just sat there with a confused look on my face.” He said “I need to get my house taken care of first.” something like that. Then, later on he said, “you know, I have my ex’s wedding band and she doesn’t know it. I know you don’t want it….so I guess I should sell it, what do you think?”
This is slight and tiny I know – but rings and “m” word is something that clams him up.
He treats me very well – is the greatest in the world….. no other complaints except he’s slooooow. I know he loves me dearly.
do those sound like little bitty signs?
UGH – the waiting!
Post # 3
I’d suggest just talking to him about it.. impossible to guess.
Post # 4
I do think that selling or getting rid of his ex-wife’s wedding band is a step in the right direction. He may still not be ready at this point, but it does seem like he taking another step away from his first marriage and towards a future with you. Good luck!
Post # 5
Hard to say. I say give it some time and talk to him about it when the moment seems right.
Good luck, he sounds like a great guy.
Post # 6
It’s not that tiny – selling the ex’s band would possibly allow him to put soemthing away for soemthing for you, and it shows that he’s trying to get past the hurt and let go of his previous life. I’m not saying break out the champagne, but it’s a really good signal he cares about you and might be looking to a future, even if the “m” word isn’t immediately in it 🙂 If it comes up, tell him how you feel and then leave it at that – let him know it’s HIS decision, especially if he felt pressured in his former relationship.
Post # 7
I think if you’ve been together 2 years and everything’s great and he’s wonderful, but you’re not engaged/married yet, it’s totally OK! It’s rude of people to say stuff like “why aren’t you married yet?” It’s none of their business and honestly 2 years is not that long. After you move in together and your relationship becomes more like a husband/wife then you guys can start thinking about marriage.
I was with my FI for 4 years before he popped the question (though I’m only 23 now), and all the people in my office who are in their 20’s and married were together at least 4 years before they got married.
Post # 8
@prshadow: I absolutely think that this means he’s ready to put things from the past behind him. . .or at least REALLY start too.
IMHO, that’s more than a teeny tiny step.
Post # 9
I dont think like this sounds like progress. Maybe he just wants to make some money off of a piece of jewelry tht he doesnt want. If he was serious about asking you he would talk to you about it. He would say something to you about marriage. If he cant even say the word marriage then there is a problem
Post # 10
Thanks everyone. He will say the “m” word – we just don’t talk about plans for it yet. I do appreciate the comments. This weekend he looked at me really strangely and smiled funny and said “I’m really excited about our future.”
Heck, who knows – I could be fooling myself but I think this is a step. Tiny perhaps. But a step. We are planning to move in together, and he seems to be pushing that a little more. So much preparation to do with both our houses. His horse is coming to my farm next weekend…I didn’t know he was coming so soon.
oh my. Well – we’ll see what happens. These boards are great for support and for indulging one’s fantasies.