Post # 1
My Fiance mother and sister came to town on wednesday night. I work Monday and Wednesday nights so my Fiance keeps my son. I should add that Fiance is not my son’s father, but i was under the impression that he thought of him as his own. He’s told me and other people that several times. Back to the story. When his folks got here, they wanted to go shoot pool. He wanted me to ask my aunt to keep my son so he could go shoot pool with his relatives. My aunt keeps my son all the time, but she has specifically told me that it’s hard for her to sleep when he is there late and she has to get up early for work. I told my Fiance that i didn’t want to ask her because of this reason. He gets upset and says i need to do something with my son so he doesn’t feel trapped. He also said that he is tired of being asked to go out with friends and saying he can’t go because he is with my son. I also mentioned that it’s not my aunt’s responsibility because he is not her son. He replied “if that’s the case, he’s not my son either”. He felt like my aunt should have been willing to make an exception. My heart is breaking into a thousand pieces. I’m conflicted because this is out of my FI’s character. He is a wonderful man and I know he loves us both. But what if I’m wrong and this is how he really feels. Help me. I don’t want to call the wedding off but how can i marry someone who thinks of my only son as a burden.
Post # 3
If this was a one time thing, then I don’t think it has to be the end, he may have said something in the heat of the moment that he would later regret. I would definitely sit down and talk to him and find out how he really feels.
Post # 4
OH my, I know just how you feel. I was a single mom for a long time. I was in a relationship where he seemed to care about my daughter like she was his but one day he told me just how he felt and I was gone. That was the best thing I ever did but I am not saying this is your case.
I think that maybe he is feeling a bit trapped becasue he wants to spend time with his family but what he said was not necessary. I would have a talk and ask him if he really feels that. I know that a lot of us say things we dont really mean. It is so easy to just say things we dont mean when we are angry or hurt.
I hope that you two talk it through and work it out, whether you stay together or not. Bless you!
Post # 5
I always felt that if a baby isn’t my flesh and blood, he isn’t and never will be mine. Adoption or step-child. I would never have that “feeling” that they’re my children. Sorry. I wish I could make that feeling go away but it doesn’t.
Post # 6
If my partner said those words in the context of our relationship, we would be having a serious discussion and a reconsideration of our relationship and family. My SO has been raising my daughter for years and is her only father, so for us if he said something like that, it would be, in our family, a disregard for his bond with her and our family. Even something like that said out of anger would be beyond hurtful.
Clearly you need to discuss this with him. But for me? I would walk away if it was clear that is actually how he felt. Kids deserve people who want to be in their lives and if the commitment was already there that he was your son’s other parent, this wouldn’t be okay with me.
Post # 7
It sounds like he was stressed because his family was in town. How about you wait until they leave then have a big talk. You need to know if this is how he really feels, or if he was just speaking out of anger.
Post # 8
Hmm…I have a daughter who is not my FI’s. So I can understand how you would feel. Because you say it is out of character though, I wonder if maybe he feels like this happens all the time. Do you often expect him to always be there with your son while you are doing something else or working nights? I don’t mean like do you go out and leave your son at home all the time AT ALL, but I mean is he daily having to say no to going out because he doesn’t have time, is he watching your son every day? Is it only 2 nights a week that you ask him to watch him while you are working? If it is Monday and Wednesday nights and he is saying this he is out of line if he is marrying you. It iisn’t like this is a new thing, your son wasn’t just born. He is marrying BOTH of you, and he knew that when he proposed. If it is more than 2 week nights that he is staying home i could maybe understand somewhat that while he may love your son, he may feel like he is missing out on events or friends for you…Like if it is weekends a lot.
How long have you been together? Is he younger and is maybe feeling like he is missing out on something while his buddies all get to go out to the bar? I hope he didnt mean what he said and is just being an ass, and I in no way meant that you are going out all the time and leaving him at home to care for your child, just trying to get the full picture.
Post # 9
we had a talk and he apologized. his main reason for being upset is the fact that i didn’t asked my aunt to watch my son. He felt like i should have given him more considerarion because he hadn’t seen his sister in over 1o yrs. i see his point and i did think about him. i just didn’t want to burden my aunt with having to keep my son over night knowing how she felt. she helps us out in so many ways, she’s even paying for half of the wedding. I don’t want to burn my bridges. just to answer some of you guys questions. my son is 5. I work full time, go to school full time and take really good care of both of them. We are both in our early thirties. He has him on monday and wednesday nights and during the day on the weekends. and this is only when i’m at work. he really just said those things because he was mad, but somethings you can’t take back. Relationships are so hard.
Post # 10
@futuremrssykes: i totally know how you feel! I have 2 kids from my previous relationships my SO doesnt have kids. I know some days it can be alot stressfull It probably was in the heat of the moment when he said it and Im glad that you two both worked it out!
Post # 11
Words hurt and even though he was stressed the words still came from his mouth. I’d be upset too if my Fiance said something like that. In a way I do understand his frustration that he wanted to go play pool but when you take on the responsibility to care for your FI’s son while shes at work you don’t get to push the responsibility on to someone else. He may have wanted you to ask your aunt and even if she did say yes you know she’d rather not keep your son over night. I think you were being respectful of her. was this the only night he could go out?
Post # 13
@futuremrssykes: YAY!!!!!!!!!!! What happened?