Post # 1
Not the worst proposal itself – it was beautiful. I am asking if this was the worst experience.
My boyfriend took me on a vacation to a nice beach resort. We spent three days there walking around, going to the beach, etc. He decided he wanted to go to a different city for a night (a trip within a trip) and booked a hotel room for one night with checkout time the next day at 11am. He wanted to go to a museum and didn’t want to bring too much stuff to lug around. I inisited I bring my bag but he prefered if I carried my stuff in his backpack. He was worried the concierge wouldn’t hold our bags for us. So, in our current hotel room, as he is engulfed in his ipad booking the bus tickets, I am taking some things out of his backpack that aren’t needed and putting some of my stuff in there. I reach in his bag and I feel a box that feels like a ring box. For some reason, my immediate thought was that he brought the box of a promise ring he bought me a few years ago for my birthday. I thought, “how nice he wanted me to put my ring in the box”. But then I realized that was silly. The box was wrapped in a see through grocery bag and I saw it was a different color. I was about to ask him “what’s this?” but at that very moment, he started saying that he had only 15 minutes to print our bus tickets and ran out of the hotel room. I watched him leave the room and went back to analyzing this box. I immediately thought, “oh no” and put the box back in the backpack. I then flopped on the bed devastated that I may have found an engagement ring box. He came back and I told him I didn’t want to go anymore. He thought it was just me complaining about not wanting to travel on a bus for three hours. Well that was true because how could I sit next to him after this discovery? I had told him months ago that if he were to propose I would want to be completely caught off guard surprised. And I figured he wanted to surprise me as well. But I started leaving hints and asking if he was hiding anything from me? He said no but I could tell this bothered him. I decided to let it go for his sake. But the emotions were running high for me. The whole time we were in this second city I kept eyeing the bag. I wondered, “Why did he wait so long? Why did he allow me to put things in his bag when I insisted on bringing my own? Is he chickening out? If he wanted to propose to me on our trip, why take this little detour?”
Finally, we got back to the original beach resort and he puts his bag down without taking my things or his things out and immediately goes to shower. Well its midnight by the time we got back and I am tired and want to take my contacts out and put on my pyjamas. So I go through his bag, this time trying to avoid the grocery bag with the box in it. I pull out our clothes and lo and behold I feel the box wrapped around one of his shirts. I was like “Ohh geeze” and it confirmed for me that he was indeed hiding a box from me. So i kept that one shirt in his bag but I asked him when he got out I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I asked out loud “where is the grocery bag?” and he knew instantly that I knew. He suspected before but this was the moment he knew for sure. The next day we went to a carnival and while there we got into a random unrelated argument. The argument ending with him saying “You want to know what’s in the bag? I have 60 days to take it back.” And I told him “I already know what’s in the bag. I found it when packing but I didn’t open it.” We kept walking and arguing and eventually got to this bench beside a water fountain. He said “we can’t hide anything from each other.” And at that moment I got really excited and started crying and screaming. I think this was the moment I officially realized it was indeed an engagement ring. He was so sad. And I was too but at the same time it felt kinda special because it was this moment of realization between the two of us. And I said “if only the ring was here now you could do it”. But he was like “please let me do my thing”. We decided to head back to the hotel room. He was so upset he flopped on the bed with tears in his eyes. Then he went out to the balcony to sit down. He asked me why I was so happy when he hasn’t even done anything yet? I felt really sad and disappointed then. I don’t think this was the right moment and I should have told him that we should wait until we make it official because nothing turned out right. But instead, he told me to wait in the hotel room for 20 minutes. I wanted to just let him do what he wanted to do because I already felt that I ruined it, so I obliged. 20 minutes later he comes up sweating and breathing heavy. I asked if he went for a run. Sometimes when he is sad he goes for a run. He just said “yeah.” He then asked me if I wanted to play cards on the balcony. He brought me to the balcony and I sat down on chair while he went back inside. Then he came back with the ring box in his hand. At this point, I didn’t feel shocked or surprised and was still feeling sadness and disappointment. But at the same time I was happy he was doing it. He told me to look down the balcony and I saw the words “Marry Me” in the sand. He then went down on one knee and asked and I said yes. We hugged and kissed and went back into the hotel room. It was a nice moment but I feel guilty because the offical proposal didn’t feel right. It was the most romantic thing and many girls would love it, but all I can think about it the argument that ensued beforehand and that I wasn’t exactly happy when he proposed. I hate myself. I feel unbelievable guilt. And I am devastated. It’s not how he proposed that bothers me. It’s the timining and the fact that we were both so disappointed. We have expressed our feelings towards each other and I even said I was sorry that I found the ring and sorry that we fought. He too is unhappy how it all went down too but at the same time, he is just happy that I said yes. Still, I don’t feel engaged and am scared to tell people out of fear that I won’t look happy when I tell people. I have no deisre to plan the wedding. I want to pretend this never happened. Every day I wish that it didn’t. I wish I could go back in time. I don’t want to start our married life out like this. I’m even thinking of seeking a professional for some talk therapy because I can’t get past this and move forward.
So, is this the worst experience? Am I the worst girlfriend? Did I ruin the proposal? The start of our married life?
This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by weddingbee87.
Post # 2
I think you’re overthinking this. He wanted to propose to you and tried really hard to hide the ring box and you ended up finding it. Would you have been more happy if he had just not proposed to you then and waited a few more weeks? Probably not.
Why did you want to be caught off guard with the proposal? It seems like he gave you a great one, which you also agree to, but I feel like he would have lost either way with the experience, if he had proposed to you that day, or if he had held on to the ring and waited so you could be surprised.
At the end of the day you’re engaged to the man you love and hopefully that’s all that matters. Congratulations 🙂
Post # 3
You didn’t ruin the proposal. It sucks that it wasn’t the surprise you wanted it to be, but it’s still such a sweet story, and you’re engaged now, aren’t you?
Also, I was half expecting this to be a reboot of the dog poop proposal story, hahah.
Post # 4
weddingbee87: I think you’re both overthinking this? He proposed beautifully, you got a ring, you’re getting married. I feel like dwelling on the fight and insisting that you had to be totally surprised is unproductive and just…pointless.
I’ll be totally honest–I’m not really understanding why this is such a big deal. This all just seems like a non issue. Why is/was it so important to both of you that it was a complete surprise? At this point, you need to let go.
The marriage is a million times more important than the proposal. Focus on that.
Post # 5
First, congrats on your engagement! As for the proposal, I think you are way over thinking things. It’s obvious that most girls want the fairytale movie style proposal, but that just doesn’t happen most of the time. It’s also common for couples to argue right before a proposal. You can probably check out some of the proposal stories on here and see that trend. I think it’s just the anxiety and stress around trying to make it big or having such high hopes for “the most romantic proposal of all time!” The proposal doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. It’s your love and commitment to one another that makes the marriage great and lasting.
Post # 6
Still, I don’t feel engaged and am scared to tell people out of fear that I won’t look happy when I tell people. I have no deisre to plan the wedding. I want to pretend this never happened. Every day I wish that it didn’t. I wish I could go back in time. I don’t want to start our married life out like this. I’m even thinking of seeking a professional for some talk therapy because I can’t get past this and move forward.
Congratulations, you are engaged! Yes, it totally sucks that you two didn’t have a perfect blissful proposal but that’s ok. It’s life. Life’s not perfect. Many a grand marriage has been realized despite imperfect proposals. It’s not the end of the world and I think, with time, you’ll both be able to smile looking back.
Post # 7
[photo removed at request of OP]
Post # 8
You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Marriage can be hard. If you have such difficulty dealing with a non issue I worry if you’re prepared for the real issues that will inevitably arise in your marriage.
Post # 9
he took you on vacation and proposed by writing Will you marry me? in the sand. Sounds like a great story to me.
life isn’t a movie, the moments are real. your moment sounds great. when my FH asked me, my response was “f*ck, yea, oh my god” not the typical romantic “yes” hahaha
Post # 10
weddingbee87: you’re making something that’s supposed to be a happy experience into something that’s making you miserable. Why aren’t you happy that you’re engaged? Is it just because it wasn’t a surprise to you? Is there something deeper going on here? Have you talked to your fiancé about how you don’t really “feel” engaged?
If this seems harsh, I’m sorry, but most girls don’t get their dream proposal. Sorry you didn’t get yours exactly the way you wanted it, but he asked, you answered, you’re engaged. That’s how it happened. My advice, start calling your friends and family, leave out the part about the argument and tell them about how he wrote in the sand. The more you start telling people, the more real it will feel. The proposal doesn’t matter, your impending marriage does.
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
weddingbee87: It certainly sounds like you weren’t very nice about it, telling him he should propose by the fountain, etc. It’s the one thing a guy really gets to plan, and you wanted to tell him how to do it. That being said, it’s definitely not “the worst” proposal experience ever. Plenty of women find the box or the ring itself beforehand. I’m not sure why you seemed so upset that he was about to ask you to be his wife. Hopefully you can move on from this and not fight about silly things in the future.
Post # 12
I feel slightly responsible for finding the ring and for the arguments that ensued. We tell each other everything and when I found out, I left him hints and told him. I should have kept it a secret from him and just let him do his thing. But you’re right, I am over thinking it. Afterwards, we started talking about wedding details and what flavor cake we wanted, haha! I am super happy when I think of the effort he put into everything. The emotions leading up to it were everywhere!
Post # 13
i knew the exact date of my proposal (just not the execution). although i wasn’t surprised, it was the best proposal. DH did want everything to be a surprise but it didn’t work out.
your proposal is fine. you wanted it to be a surprise. you accidentally found the box your now FI (i assume) was hiding. i think you made a bigger deal of it than it should have been.
but now you have a funny story to go along with the lead up to the proposal.
Post # 14
gingerkitten: You’re right. One of the reasons I feel so bad. Like why in the moment did I say that? I can be so dopey! On the plus side, the water fountain was a nice moment and he said he wanted to do it there too but we didn’t have the ring with us.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - Stevens Estate
weddingbee87: you are way over thinking this whole situation. I understand the whole surprise element to a proposal, but a proposal is more than that. He asked you to marry him because he knows your the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. You should be thinking about it more like that, rather than “I ruined a surprise”. Focus more on the meaning of the proposal, rather than how it happened.
I think the proposal is hyped up way too much. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good proposal story on WB as much as the next girl. But I feel some women expect unicorns and rainbows to fly out of that ring box.
Do not let this define how your marriage is going to turn out. Take a step back and realize it was one tiny moment in your lives together. He asked you to marry him, and that’s a hard thing for a lot of men to even do. Oh and I think he did a good job by what you said in your post, he sounds like he really cares.