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I have two degrees in English and am currently in law school, so for my table numbers, I'm using quotes from literature about love and marriage in a frame with the number.
I totally want to take a quote from Goodridge v. Department of Health (the Mass. Supreme Court decision that allowed gay marriage there) and put all of my FI's homophobe relatives at that particular table. Probably none of them would even know that the quote came from a case permitting gay marriage. They'd probably think, "Oh, that's just Button and her lawyer stuff." I think the quote is beautiful, personally:
"Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition. It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a "civil right." Without the right to choose to marry one is excluded from the full range of human experience."
Too passive/aggressive?
haha, I like it. and if anybody asks just smile sweetly and say "oh, I just did it randomly"
I love it! It's a good quote, and I am all about being passive agressive in certain situations. 
I LOVE that idea. You're entitled to make a political / humanity statement at your wedding :)
Hey, in that situation, I think you'd be entitled to be aggressive-aggressive, so passive-aggressive is a step nicer. LOL
The quote is beautiful. But your method is passive-aggressive and (at best) tacky. What makes your belief(s) any more valid than theirs? How would you feel if someone made a *passive-aggressive* political statement at your wedding based on the assumption that you wouldn't respond because either you didn't know the source of their statement or you wouldn't want to make a scene at your wedding?
I think its fine to use the quote, but I do think it is a little...rude... to specifically seat certain people at it. To me, it is an underhanded way to stick it to them, at your WEDDING, which should a happy event that celebrates love.
I think it's a beautiful quote and should be put on the table...with the right intentions. How would you like it if you went to a wedding where "homophobes" intentionally put a quote that was directly from something that was anti same sex marriage and then set you and your husband at that table...just to dig their claws in and make a point....something tells me you wouldn't like it. These people are coming to share the joy of your marriage. It's not the place for you to make a statement, even if you don't think they'll know where it came from. I think that everyone needs to look at it from the opposite point of view. Sure it's funny, I giggled, but if someone were to post something that said, "I'm going to put all my pro gay marriage friends at this table with a quote that supports same sex marriage" the tune would be drastically different.
@MissCosmopolitan: What makes her believes more valid is that a) its her wedding and b) she is defending people's rights rather than trying to take them away.
It's a lovely idea.
It's very clever but the other bees might be right. Don't use this day to one up your family. They're here to celebrate your union even if they don't agree with your marital beliefs.
Even if they don't know where it came from, it's pretty obvious when you read it what it's about. I'm not sure what the purpose would be for doing it. Are you hoping it will change their minds? I don't think it's going to be that easy. Do you want to make them uncomfortable if they figure it out? Do you want to secretly have a laugh with everyone in on the joke if they don't? Either way it doesn't seem very nice of you.
Yeah, it's a little on the snarky side, but I'm also of the opinion that it's okay :)
As much as I LOVE the quote and would like you to use it, maybe you should use it on a table that would actually appreciate it? I'd be tempted if I were in your position too though :)
Eh, we're using it as part of our ceremony. So clearly I love it and appreciate your intentions. I don't know about the table, but I do love that you are trying to support others.
Eh. I may put it on a different table, but I'm going to use it. They'll have to get over it anyway because I'm having two gay male bridesmen who are coming with their boyfriends. They can sit there and be bigots, or they can celebrate with me. I'm not leaving my best friends out of the wedding because of their attitudes. I'm showing my support for my friends even if I don't put the quote on their table. If I don't put it on their table, I'm probably going to use it for a reading.
Besides, people put me at tables covered in religious paraphernalia even though I'm an atheist, and I say nothing about it. I'm definitely not quiet about the fact that I'm an atheist. How is this any different? Because religion is the "norm"? Because it's okay for Christians to proselytize, but no one else?
I think it could be taken both ways....it might offend people and seem a bit in-your-face for a wedding
First I think it is an awesome quote :)
Second, if someone doesn't know the basis of where it came from and just glances over what it says, it is difficult to realize it is a pro-gay marriage reading. The passage is pretty dense so unless someone really takes the time to read and analyze it I suspect no one will know where it came from.
If you don't use it for that specific table I say use it somewhere at your wedding.
I LOVE it, hehe you are very clever and now officially my fav bee!
that's way too long for a table number. i think you should not start off your marriage by stepping on the toes of your FI's relatives. Just because it is your wedding day doesn't mean you have to throw your political opinions at them.
I am so not about this whole let's step around the "White Male Protestant" opinions so we can get on their good side even though they try to force their opinions down everyone else's throats.
I wouldn't use my wedding to make a point on a debate that will not be solved that night. You believe something, they believe differently, I don't see the point of shoving arguments down their throats and creating bitterness around what is supposed to be the celebration of your union and the union of your two families. You will be family with them, why put the quality of your relationship at risk with passive agressiveness on your wedding day?
Well, I think it's your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Go for it. One of the reasons I want a small destination wedding is so that I don't have to invite and pretend to like every far distant relative of mine or SOs when really, I don't know or like most of either of our families. (The ones I know I rarely like on either side.) It's just a quote and it's like you said, why isn't it a problem when us non-religious folk are surrounded by prayer? I hate going to Catholic weddings and being surrounded by prayers for the 'unborn' but surely the bride and groom don't care what I think and nor should they. It's their day, they can do what they'd like and if I'm going to be a gracious guest on their special day, I'll keep mum about my opinions. You put that quote on that table and smile proudly with your gay bridesmaids.
Go for it. It's not very passive aggressive—it doesn't have anything about gay marriage—so they won't even know. Most people wouldn't even recognize the case name if they're not from Massachusetts or an activist. I'm also a law student and I don't recognize the case name.
If people figure out what it's from and get offended by THE LAW, that's their problem that they need to work out, not yours.
The only problem I have with it is that it's a loooong quotation. Are you going to just use the first few words to let people know which table to sit at? If you're not having assigned seating, however, then that doesn't really matter.
I am also for same sex marriage, and really don't understand why anyone would not be (religious reasons, fear, yeah I know the reasons, I just don't understand them). However, I also am a firm believer that this is America, and people are entitled to their own opinions.
Personally, I also think one's wedding day is not the day to be "sneaky." If you want to show your support for same sex marriage, I think that is ok to do by saying it in a toast, having it in the program, including it in the ceremony, or some other way that directly lets all guests know your opinion.
At our wedding, we plan on posting a sign about our belief of same-sex marriage and having those who feel the same wear pins to show their support of same-sex marriage. I got this from weddingbee, but I can't find the links now.
@artichokey, I think your comparison to Catholic Church is a bit different. The Catholic Church is an institution and everyone knows what to expect from them. I do not agree with their stance on women's rights either...but I also don't think most brides and grooms getting married in the Catholic Church are using it to make a political statemet to their guests about abortion and birth control and what not. Buttontoes, in doing what she is thinking of doing, is making an underhanded personal attack on her FI's family's beliefs. I think the intention of the brides is different.
Again, why not just make your beliefs known aloud to all guests?
I honestly think that people who are against gay marriage wouldn't get the reference. The idea of marriage as a civil right seems to not occur to them, so I doubt the quote would really cause a scene or really even get on anyone's radar.
I agree with the bees who think it is probably a poor decision to purposely seat your anti-gay-marriage peeps at that table... I would go ahead and use the quote, just seat a variety of people at that table! :) If they do find out, it will seem self-rightous, and honestly it is kind of a snotty thing to do.
I am a fairly political person but really there is nothing worse than the super-political person who can't "turn it off" every once in awhile and just be decent and friendly with people, even those with whom we passionately disagree. Like at weddings and funerals. There is a time and place for everything. We used to be better at that in this country, I think.
I have a very right-wing fundamentalist friend, Miss G, from high school, and while I love her, she is just terrible at social events. I pride myself on the diversity in my group of friends but I know I can't invite Miss G, AND my community-organizing friend from college, Ms. B, because as soon as G finds out what B does for a living there will be an argument. Miss G was left out of the wedding party for this reason. Sad but true.
I think the key is to try not to think of people in ideological categories and just as fellow human beings. Your guests are not Democrats, Republicans, pro-gay, anti-gay, pro-life, pro-choice, they are your family and friends!!! I would drop the word bigot entirely from your vocabulary when thinking of/dealing with them, it's an ugly word, and it just nukes the opportunity for dialogue. You will change their hearts a lot easier by opening your heart to them. Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and the Dalai Lama were/are against gay marriage too and they were still awesome people. Try to see what's good in them and focus on loving the good :)
@babymilka74: Actually with regard to "white male Protestants," much of the opposition to gay marriage comes from African Americans and Catholics. I remember when Prop 8 passed, I saw a couple of the gay-rights activists online throwing around the N word afterward. Not sure if there's a gender breakdown though!
Really? It's your wedding and all but if i was one to be sat at that table and i read that..i would find it extremely rude and probably leave since it is something i really do not agree with...
I'm so sick of people trying to shove their gay marriage/free for all attitude..seriously, it's a wedding, a happy occasion, why bring all that drama into it?
However i do like the idea about love quotes. They mostly apply to the love and affection of one person to another, without the rudeness, and that is what a wedding day should be about!
While it's your wedding and you should do whatever you want, I don't think it's the right place to do something like this.
It's a bit tacky at your wedding to purposely put a quote like that on the table. While it's a nice quote, you should be doing it because you like the quote and no other reason, not make person jabs at your guests.
Would you make personal jabs at a guest in your home any other day? Why at such a special and important day like your wedding?
It's a day about love and coming together,not some personal snarky vendetta you want to settle with a passive-aggressive quote.
@buttontoes: Do you really want to use your wedding to make a political statement or potentially offend your new in-laws?
Its your choice of course but I think its in poor taste. These are your invited guests.
Eh, I think its passive aggresive. If you want to go the extra mile to risk causing a scene at your wedding go for it, its your day but I personally I wouldn't, even if they will be the ones to look stupid.
Regardless of what the quote says, honest opinion, I probably wouldn't even read it if its on a reception table. It's kind of long and has a lot of big words :) I would however read it if it was in a program and then if EVERYONE has access to it, it won't seem like your directing it at one particular group.
It is your wedding - put whatever quotes on whatever table you damn well please!
I think it is a perfect way to make a non-confrontational statement - if they are insulted, then they can leave. Its not their wedding - you are not catering to them. But, hopefully they will have enough grace and class to respect YOUR beliefs on YOUR wedding day!
I'd go with some other PPs suggestions of using it but at a mixed table, not as a particularly planted quote. While I agree with your sentiments, it will not change anyone's mind in a night and it can come across as very rude to the new in-laws. FI and I have yet to talk about this, but it's something we'll be discussing and also talking about with our pastor, as I want to make sure to honor those in attendance who have strong, loving, and lasting relationships that are not yet recognized.
@Rock Hugger - While I agree with your sentiment, she asked if it was too passive aggressive which is kind of is. If she was asking, hey I want to put this quote on a table but I'm afraid it might upset some guests, THAT would be one story but the OP is purposefully wanting to put a pro-gay marriage on a table knowing that her FIL don't agree with it.
OP I think its a little mean spirited to direct it only at the one group who may have a problem with it. Why not put some kind of pro-gay marriage quote on all the tables if you want to make a statement?
haha.. i think it is DEFINITELY passive aggressive. But I think they deserve it so its up to you!!! I think it could potentially cause drama and im sort of avoiding drama at all costs for my wedding day
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