is this too soon? what to do in this situation? advice appreciated…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

Buying a house after 3 months?! Wow. At least she isn’t signing her name to any thing and essentially moving in with a him in his house… 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee

nowmarriedgirl:  I know you are just concerned about your friend, but her relationship and choices she makes with her SO are really none of your business. Be supportive and non-judgemental and pray for the best. If her health or safety are in serious jeopardy because of this guy, get law enforcement involved. Let other people make their own mistakes and choices.

Post # 5
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

Nope. Lots of red flags. You need to get her alone and have a heart to heart. Express your concerns gently. You don’t want to come off as a know it all or like a parent. This way down the road she can come to you if things end badly. 

Post # 6
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

esshhhh sounds like a kerfluffle! 

i dont even know! worst case she leaves him after a few months because of his possessiveness and needs to find a new place. maybe just make her aware of the repercussions if it doesnt work out. but i would think shes smart enough to understand those circumstances if they were to arise right?

Post # 7
Member
3361 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’d have a hard time buying a house with someone who I wasn’t officially committed to (engaged, or whatever). I certainly wouldn’t by a house with someone that I haven’t lived with and have only known for 3 months, and that is without the other evident issues in that relationship. So yes, I do think it’s probably too soon. But, it’s her life and her mistake to make. By shitting on her happiness, you are only going to strain the relationship with her, whether it works out with her SO or not. 

The only time I’d say something is if you legitimately feel like he is abusive (emotionally or physically). Sometimes these behaviors that you’ve detailed can be indicative of an emotional abuser, although, given the age it may just be lack of experience or insecurity. 

Post # 8
Member
4381 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

He souns really controlling. I agree with you that buying a huse together is a BAD idea, but it seems like he’s actually the one taking on all the risk. 

It’s really not your business, but as her best friend, I probably would just have a conversation with her about it & see if she’s really thought it through carefully. If she’s totally set on getting the house with him, you can at least try to get her to protect herself as much as possible (will she be making mortgage payments? Does she want her name on the title and does she know what that means, or does she just want to basiccally be his tenant rather than a co-owner? Will she continue saving money so that if she ever wants to leave, she can? Etc.).

Post # 9
Member
2914 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

You have every right to be worried for her well being, but I doubt anything you say would stop her. People need to make their own mistakes, and she might take your questioning badly. You know her better than we do, however.

Post # 11
Member
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

I’d say something! I wouldn’t be signing anything with a guy i dated for 3 months! Buying a house with my boyfriend of 5 years (who i knew had a ring) and who i’ve known for 10 years was hard enough! I would advise her to keep her name off things! If she wants to move in with him or something… fine. but don’t buy a house with him!

Post # 12
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

nowmarriedgirl:  yes it’s too soon. I think it’s reasonable to have some judgements and concerns about it. I would express them gently and then leave it to her to make her own mistakes.

Post # 13
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

I just feel like that’s a tap to get her to commit to him. If it doesn’t work out there’s still this stupid house to lord over your friends head. There’s no clean break if things don’t work out. She may end up with extra money if it’s in both names, but you can’t put a price on unloading a loser (if that’s who he ends up being). 

Post # 14
Member
12794 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If he’s putting all the money down, and she’s just getting her name on it, then she will make out if anything happens.  He’s the one being stupid and can really get screwed.  She can only come out ahead in this, hopefully she’s not the type to take advantage of the guy if things go bad.  Why doesnt he just buy it and have her move in?  Why bother putting her name on it. 

Post # 15
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

nowmarriedgirl:  I didn’t read the whole thing…. I stopped after you said “buying a house after 3 months”. IS SHE CRAZY?! Move in with someone, whatever… break up and move out. Getting a mortgage out of someones name is a pain in the ass! I mean, sure… it could work out. But its not the smart thing. FI and I are engaged, getting married and I won’t put his name on my mortgage until we are legally married! Ugh. I hope she has a change of heart and just has it put in his name

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