- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
Okay now I’m starting to wonder and worry for real.
Our wedding is planned for March 17, 2011, in Iowa. We live in Texas. We are a same sex couple and we want to be legally wed.
We are also full time students, with 3 children between us. We have been together 7 years and once we made the decision to travel and go through a great deal of effort to have our legal wedding, we didn’t want to wait any longer! We’d talked about it several times over the years, considering traveling to Canada, Massachusetts, and then California (prior to Prop 8 anyway). Every time the expense just seemed insurmountable. Then, Iowa legalized same-sex marriage. Wow! Iowa? Hey! It’s inexpensive, relatively close (well, considering our options), and it’s where my FI grew up and lived until she was 15, and still has a few family members and friends. Perfect!
Since we really prefer the colder times of year we chose to marry during Spring Break week in 2011. It will be wintry weather still in the NE part of Iowa where we plan to wed so we can use our free week and still have a winter wedding (whereas winter is long over here in Texas at that time!) and so we chose our date for these reasons. Also, we have what are probably irrational fears, but fears nonetheless that Iowa will do a “Prop 8” on us if we delay much longer.
So we started planning. The thing is, we want to have a “mini-moon” while we’re there since we won’t have time or money for a real honeymoon just yet. We are planning on spending almost a week in Iowa and are renting out an entire guest house, and so in order to be back here on the Saturday before we all (including kids) return to school, and in order to still have a couple nights off to ourselves as newlyweds, we planned the weddign for a Thursday afternoon. We hope to leave the kids (the eldest is 18) with my family at the guest house rental and go to a nearby romantic B&B for Thursday and Friday night, then we will all fly back on Saturday.
Initially we resigned ourselves to the idea of no one coming aside from VERY close friends and family, basically us, the kids, my brother, FI’s aunt (and possibly another aunt), my best friend, and her kids. My mom, who knows. We just figured with the distance and travel and time off work and all involved, no one would come.
Now that we’ve talked to people though, and have gotten feedback, and made an official guest list (which has swelled to 50 when we originally figured 15 max!), we are starting to get our hopes up and liking the thought of other friends and family actually coming. It would be awesome, really. Before there was kind of a sad, “why bother with something fancy” feeling when thinking no one would come. But I also kept telling myself that we would be happy if we were at minimum surrounded by those closest to us, even if it was a very tiny wedding.
In truth though, there is no one frivolous on our list and I would like to see as many of those people at our wedding as possible.
So now we really want to make this whole thing as easy and convenient as possible in hopes that more people will be able to come and I am wondering if the Thursday afternoon wedding is the worst idea ever, since it would require folks to take off work for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday? And what about the fact that the cheapest flights to Iowa are not to IA at all but to Minneapolis, a 2.5 hour drive from the town we’ve chosen to get married in?
THe town is not something we want to negotiate on. It’s charming and pretty and so much has gone into the planning already, I can’t imagine starting over, but even the other airports (where airfare would cost more) are all still at minimum over an hour away. Everyone we’ve contacted there has been unbelievably hospitable and helpful, so while some would suggest we move the entire wedding to a larger metro area, we really do NOT want to do that!
The Thursday wedding date, along with the reasons I mentioned about having a mini-moon, is also because the church where we are marrying is part of a museum. It’s on the grounds of a museum and the museum is open late on Thursdays. It seemed logical for us to do it on a Thursday then, since we pay the same fee regardless (flat rate for the “whole day” within the regular business hours).
The plan is to rent a minivan once we are there. FI wants to go visiting all over Iowa anyway and we have many things to take care of when we get into town. I was thinking that maybe if it could somehow be coordinated, where I could offer to pick up any guests who were flying in to the same airport in the same general time frame (assuming minneapolis since it is cheapest) and “shuttle” them back to the place we are renting out for the week. The rental will sleep 20 people so some guests can stay with us very very cheaply ($20 a night, or perhaps we can cover it and it’d be free for them)…
This was my idea to avoid people having to rent cars and drive 2.5 hours in an unfamiliar state. If possible we could arrange transportation for them back TO the airport as well the following day of the wedding (Friday), assuming they are not all going at different times. I could have a family member who is staying the entire time handle this while we are off on our “mini-moon”… again to make things as easy as possible for guests.
I still think about people having to take so much time off work though and wonder if it is worth it for people to go to all this trouble to attend our wedding?
The only possibility I can see is that we move the wedding to maybe Friday. Or even Saturday, but that would mean we would have no mini-moon at all and we’d be flying in to Texas on Sunday and then right back to work/school Monday which I had kind of hoped to avoid. I was thinking we (esp. with the kids) would need one day to decompress from the entire trip.
I am just struggling with whether or not it’s realistic to expect people to deal with all this, what else we could possibly to do increase convenience, and whether or not we should totally scrap our mini-moon idea in favor of a Friday afternoon or Saturday wedding if the goal is to have people actually show up.
I am just thinking that my whole plan is cockamamied and screwy and inconsiderate.. Then again there ARE quite a few on the list who are in a category where this wouldn’t be so far fetched — FIs Aunt has a LOT of job flexibility and definitely has the means to travel, my BF is a student and doesn’t work so she’ll be free spring break week, another friend is a teacher, also free Spring Break week, another few are retired and can do whatever, only a smaller number are tied to jobs where it might be hard to take time off so maybe I’m judging all this too harshly?
I don’t know. Maybe I am just, once again, not allowing myself to truly be happy about anything (like I have been since we set the date) and this anxiety attack is just self-sabotage and I am again looking for the “other shoe” harder than I need to?
Maybe I just need to sleep! Haven’t done so in a while! I probably left out some critical details in this novella that keep it from making sense and if so, I’m sorry!