Post # 1
Alright Hive, I need some advice.
Back story: This girl, A, and I used to be really good friends. We had a weird falling out about 3 years ago due to some rumor spreading, which we never talked about. (I kept waiting for her to bring it up; I figured if it was important, she would, and if she didn’t, then it was rumors and gossip and it would just go away.)
Fast forward to three months ago: A and I have a tons of mutual friends. Like, I’m friends with almost all of her friends. Her cousin is one of my BMs. A emails me and asks to meet up and have a drink and talk about these 3 year old rumors. We talk. Nothing really gets settled, except we agree to just stop talking about the situation from 3 years ago and move on. We both said some pretty harsh things to one another, she completely trashed my character, I called her judgy, etc. I tried to leave, she tried to get me to stay and “Tell her all about my wedding and get caught up with one another”…. to which I just felt like I really just wasn’t interested in. I mean, 3 years is a long time to talk smack about a person, why would I want to be friends with her? I felt like if she valued our friendship, we would have talked about the situation a long time ago. She and her fiance are NOT invited to the wedding, we do NOT talk, although ALL of our mutual friends are invited to the wedding and almost all are attending.
Fast forward to today: I check my registry today on C&B and see that she bought me a wedding gift.
What do I do? Why would she do this? I am SO confused. This girl and I are NOT on good terms with one another, we can barely make polite conversation with each other. WHO BUYS WEDDING GIFTS FOR A PERSON WHO YOU KNOW DOESN’T LIKE YOU?!?!
Help, bees. I don’t know how to handle this. Do I say “Thanks for the gift…. umm…..we’re really looking forward to our wedding that you won’t be at….errrr”
Post # 3
Hmm…it does seem weird but I feel like we’d all need to know more back story to make a judgment call. Maybe she’s trying to fix things but doesn’t know how?
Have you actually received the gift or do you just know she bought it?
If you’ve received it or when you do, a thank you written at that time on how thoughtful she is and your gratitude for the cups/toaster/shower curtain/what-have-you is all that’s really required. In true Miss Manners style, you could thank her for her thoughtfulness for the gift celebrating the “beginning of your marriage” rather than writing it as though it were a wedding gift. It makes you the bigger person and whatever odd things are going through her head can stay in there lol.
If she’s being strange and is just trying to get an invite out of you, don’t worry about it. Your wedding is in a month, invites were already sent, and that is that. Nothing you could do about it even if she asked 🙂
Post # 4
Do you see her on a regular basis because of your mutual friends? Or do you hang with with your friends and she’s not there? If you see her regularly and hang out together and all your friends and her friends are invited to your wedding, she may not have realized she’s NOT invited (it’s possible!).
I agree with @qui40067 – once you receive the gift, just send her a thank you stating how generous she is and how much you appreciate the gift, etc, etc. You don’t need to say anything beyond that or do any “Thanks but you’re not invited, you know that right?” 😛
Post # 5
Agree with above…just send a very nice thank-you and only mention how much you appreciate the gift.
I do think this IS odd though!!!
Post # 6
I’m confused on how you know it was her who bought you the gift? I had a C&B registry too, and I didn’t think you could see who bought the gift for you…
I also think it’s her trying to make ammends with you, but she just doesn’t know how to do it. Maybe she’s realizing that you’ve moved completely on from the friendship, and she’s just not ready to let you go yet. It’s definitely weird thought that she’s buying you a wedding gift when you both agreed to let the past go and move forward without each other in your lives!
Post # 7
maybe it’s an olive branch thing. don’t invite her though, but do thank her when it arrives. I like qui’s miss manners style advice.
Post # 8
It sounds like it was a major misunderstanding and she wants to move forward with the relationship. I guess the question is – do you want a relationship with her now? Or, are you over it and ready to move on with your life?
It doesn’t sound like you do want a relationship with her – and, if that’s the case, then a simple, “thank you for your thoughtful gift” type message would be appropriate. No need to mention the wedding or the failed friendship.
Could it be that she is trying to make amends for the past and perhaps really has missed you and the friendship you once had? Perhaps this is the way she’s extending an olive branch in hopes to reconnect with you.
Post # 9
Yeah, just thank her for the gift and how much you appreciate it and leave it at that. You don’t have to bring up the wedding at all.
Post # 10
I would send a thank you note and thats that. She maybe just wanted to be nice.
Post # 11
Just because she buys you a gift doesn’t mean you have to send her an invite. Send her thank you when you receive the gift and let it be. Chances are, her plans are to bring the gift to the wedding… meaning if she doesn’t get an invite to the wedding then she has nowhere to take the gift to, meaning she will probably return it.
Post # 12
@2peasinapod: C&B has a “thank you card manager” (Macy’s, Williams Sonoma do too) that if you “activate” it, you can see who bought you what, and check the box once you received it, and then check another box once you’ve sent a thank you card. It’s super helpful; especially if you are a Bad Bride and you completely lose your bridal shower gift list!
Thanks for the advice girls. We don’t really see one another much these days, and when we do I would say that we say “hi” and that’s about it. She used to be kind of manipulative in the past and I wouldn’t put it past her to be doing this to grab an invite (not gonna happen!), she hates to be left out of ANYTHING… HOWEVER, I will definitely give her the benefit of the doubt that perhaps she is trying to make amends and, as several of you said, “extend the olive branch”. I don’t really ever see us being friends again… but we’ll see!
Thanks for the help with wording the thank you card- I will definitely be putting your advice to works! 🙂