Weddingbee boards

Hi Hive,

I was unsure if I even wanted to write this post, but it concerns something that is still bothering Mr. Valhalla and I, even a little over a month after our wedding.

Disclaimer: We went on our honeymoon (which was a month long) immediately after our wedding, and just got back now, which is why we didn't bring this up with the friends I am going to talk about in this post sooner.

Two of our very good friends travelled from BC to NS for our wedding (well, I shouldn't say they exclusively went for us, but they did a road trip from Montreal to NS, and planned it around our wedding). We loved having them there and were so pleased they were able to make it, becuase we really valued their friendship. During the wedding, we had an open bar, and my MOH, and these two friends (who are a couple) left a little early, claiming to be a little tired. All three were drunk. They said they would meet up with us for the afterparty a bit later. About half an hour later, the wedding ended, and my husband and I headed to our hotel room to change prior to going out. We were exhausted, but happy.

However, when we opened the door to our suite (with Mr. Valhalla's key), it had been completely pranked. There was toilet paper all over the room, and they drew obsence images all over the mirrors in the room (breasts, penises, vaginas). I am not a stick in the mud - if this had been any day but our wedding, I probably would have laughed. But it was our wedding night, and it had been a very stressful week. My husband was so angry he was shaking, and I burst into tears becuase I felt like the mood of our wedding night had been ruined by our friends throughtless prank. We had to spend a hour cleaning the lipstick off the mirrors with kleenexes (we didn't want to spend our wedding night looking at these images). We phoned our friends, and told them how angry we were, but they seemed to think we were being unreasonable, and just told us to "come out anyway, clean it up later". As a result of this prank, we were late getting out, and I missed hanging out with some of my friends who had travelled from other provinces to have fun with us at the afterparty. 

We met up with my MOH, who I promptly gave a piece of my mind for violating my trust by using my key to let my two friends into the room. I had given my MOH my hotel room key to hang onto for me, becuase I didn't bring a purse with me to the wedding. I planned to get it back from her when we went to the afterparty. She apologized, but my other two friends did not. They just sort of laughed it off. We decided to let it slide becuase we just wanted to have fun with the rest of our guests and not have the night be ruined.

The anger at the situation has faded somewhat (now that we have gone on our honeymoon and over a month has passed), but my husband and I are still angry at our friends for pulling a stunt like that, and at our wedding no less! Should I say something to them? What will that accomplish? Or should I just let it go and carry on with the friendship as normal? They were drunk when we spoke to them at the afterparty, so perhaps they didn't fully understand the gravity of what they had done? Help hive!

If it was me I would calmly talk to them about it again and hope they would apologize. I think what they did was very rude and trashy, it's not like they put rose petals on your bed, they made a mess of what should have been a beautiful first evening as husband and wife. If you don't say something I fear you will keep resenting these friends, as you have a right to in my opinion. If they still laugh it off while sober and obviously what they did bothers you both very much then I would consider distancing myself from these friends because they obviously don't see the error of their ways.

Thanks for everyone's opinions. After reading, I agree that I think it wouldn't really accomplish anything to bring it up again. I guess I wasn't really looking for an apology (as many of you are right, I likely wouldn't get one), but just to let them know that it hurt us that they did such a thoughtless prank.

I can see why many of you think I might be over-reacting. If I read my own post as an outsider, I would be tempted to think the same thing. My friends are the type to pull pranks, so I am not horribly surprised. I also didn't feel like my wedding night was completely ruined. But with all the stress of that wedding week, it was just something we really didn't need or appreciate. I think that is what bothers me the most. What may be seen as a harmless prank in any other situation was really a horrible idea on someone's wedding night.

I dont' want to end the friendship or anything like that, I guess I just throught they should know how we felt (because they were drunk we we told them on the night of, and when you are drunk, your mind doesn't work quite the same way, so they may not have comprehended how mad we were). I don't know, perhaps you are all right and we should just let it slide. I'm still unsure.

that is absolutley no ok. I would still be mad too. Would I bring it up to them, prob not but I would be fuming inside, plotting my revenge. BWAHH HAAA HAAA HAAA!

It wouldn't have upset me at all.  I would have thought it was funny - though I might have made them clean up.  To me that mood - perfectly in tune with blissful wedding night. 

That doesn't mean you're wrong to be upset!  We're all diffirent and we feel the way we feel - but I hope it gives a little perspective on how your friends might not have realized they'd upset you - because some people would not have been upset.  It totally sucks that they misjudged what your reaction would be - and there's nothing wrong in letting them know that - but I would be gentle and keep in mind that they weren't all that crazy in thinking it would be a harmless and funny thing to do.

Holy crap! My blood boiled a little bit just reading your post and imagining what the room looked like. I can only imagine how I would've felt actually being there. I am so sorry that you went through that.

I think making contact with them just for the sole purpose of bringing it up will do you no good. But if it comes up in conversation, I would make it clear to them again how much you did not appreciate their thoughtless gesture.

P.S. I am showing this post to my FI. He has prankster friends and I will make this their warning ;)

I do not think you're overreacting at all, but I don't think bringing it up again will change anything, especially if you don't want to ruin the friendship.  And you're a good person for cleaning it up. I definitely would have made them do it!

I think I would be annoyed too but you probably need to move on.  In my family it's common to have your honeymoon night bed short-sheeted or stuff done to your car.  Lucky for us, we're leaving straight from the venue to the airport in a rented limo.  While I think the short-sheeted is funny, I mentioned it to my FI and he thought it would be really rude.  It's really unfortunate but you should try and let it slide and hopefully down the road it will get brought up so you can say how you felt.  That's kind of passive aggressive but that's me.

ETA: I want to add that they went a little overboard though but that was probably in their drunken state.  Short-sheeted is easy remedy'd but it sucks you had to clean up.

Thanks for expressing your thoughts and ideas everyone.

@futurediplomatswife - I think you hit the nail right on the head. What bothers me is their reaction to us being upset - laughing it off.

These are two people we consider some of our closest friends in BC. They have pulled pranks before, but always harmless ones, and perhaps this is why they thought we might laugh at their prank on our wedding. This couple is 28 and 29 years old respectively, so they are hardly young, but when the boyfriend of the couple drinks, he tends to make really stupid decisions. I think this is what this turned into, and was not done with any malicious intent. I also know this couple does not believe in marriage, so it MAY have played a subtle role in their decision to prank our room, sort of like "What's the big deal, its just a wedding". It is also likely they were drunk enough that like many of you suggested, they may not have realized how angry we were. Like I said too, I didn't want to hash it out with them in front of all my other friends... it would have been a somber end to an otherwise great night. So we just pushed it aside and had fun anyway.

I think I will still just let it go. Hanging on to that negative energy won't do me any good. We are supposed to see them this Saturday, and I might see if they bring it up, but I won't bring it up myself. I'm sure I'll laugh more about it down the road...or not...but it doesn't change the fact that I had a wonderful wedding with family and friends, and now I get to spend the rest of my life with my awesome husband!