Is Using Heirloom/Family Diamond from BRIDE's family OK?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Is it ok for a bride's family to give the groom a diamond/ering to give to her?
    No, a e-ring should come soley from the groom/ groom's family : (7 votes)
    3 %
    Depends on the circumstances : (14 votes)
    7 %
    Sure, what ever gets you a e-ring you love. : (190 votes)
    90 %
    None of the above, explain below. : (1 votes)
    0 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    300 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I traded a diamond I had so my FI could get me a 2+ ct.  I have a 1.4ct that I am giving to my daughter after college.  When she finds the right man I would not mind if the diamond  was used to upgrade her engagement ring.  That said, the man should have to supply a hefty amount toward it.  

    Post # 4
    Member
    3735 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @MirnaMinkoff:  I guess I don’t understand the big deal here. If the couple wishes to use an heirloom diamond, fine. If not, that’s fine too. Is it that you want the groom to buy it to prove he can stand on his own?

    My FH bought my diamond but there wasn’t any heirloom gem to be had either. I’m thinking I’d be happy either way but who knows.

    Post # 5
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    The diamond that is my ring was in my maternal grandmother’s ring and then in my mother’s ring. My mother always told me that she would pass it down to me too. My mother told my fiance about it long before he proposed so he knew to expect to use that diamond. He still paid a pretty penny to get it set in a custom setting so he did contribute a lot to the ring. I consider it a beautiful legacy to be able to wear the diamond that has been worn by such wonderful women and I plan to pass is down to my daughter one day. 

    So that being said, I would think it is ok for the bride’s family to provide a stone or heirloom ring if they have one available and that is what the bride wants. But, the man should have to contribute something to it and not expect the bride or bride’s family to cover the cost.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @MirnaMinkoff:  Absolutely.  My friend was surprised and overjoyed when she got her mom’s diamond as her engagement ring.  Her mother died from cancer right after my friend graduated from college.  It was special to her to have her mother’s ring and even more so that her mother knew and liked her FI before she died.  But in your case it sounds like your FI did the right thing in turning your family down.

    Post # 7
    Member
    8917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    Ummmm….  Why not?  Unless we’re still thinking about e-rings as the groom buying off the bride or her family, I don’t see why the origin of the heirloom is relevant.  He doesn’t need to buy me with a herd of cattle OR with a brand new / his side of the family rock.

    Maybe I’m biased because I wear my great-grandmother’s e-ring.  My parents adore my fiance and were absolutely thrilled to hand it off to him.  It’s more sentimental, it’s better for the environment/people in developing countries, and it’s much more affordable.  (We bought a house instead of a diamond.  Which one of those is more useful?!?)

    I find this post to be pretty damn judgemental.  It’s against the terms of service to make a post specifically criticizing the way someone else approaches engagement/marriage.

    ETA:  I agree that her parents buying him a big diamond is a little strange.  I DO NOT agree that wearing a special heirloom ring from her side of the family is him cheaping out, etc.

    Post # 8
    Member
    179 posts
    Blushing bee

    I have jewelry from my grandmother that I will be using in or trading in for an e-ring someday. My bf knows this is gonna happen and he’s happy because it means it will be from him but born out of the love of my family.

    Post # 9
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @MirnaMinkoff:  I’m biased–I have my great-grandmother’s wedding band, and I have a serious soft spot for heirloom jewlelery. So in your situation, I definitely would have wanted the heirloom ring!

    In the situation where the bride’s family buys/donates a ring because the groom can’t afford one? My opinion changes. He could get her a sterling ring or a 10K gold ring for less than $100. He should get her what he can afford, unless the family ring is honestly her dream ring!

    Post # 10
    Member
    8426 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think the fact that the ring was my grandmother’s would probably be more important than who purchased it.  I have a friend that is wearing her grandmother’s ring, and I think it’s a beautiful sentiment.  Having the girl’s family buy a new diamond is a bit strange to me though, if it’s being purchased I think it should be the groom’s responsibility.

    Post # 11
    Member
    11300 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m confused and don’t see a problem. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I know one person who got the diamond from the Bride’s family.  Honestly, the guy was kind of a deadbeat, and I felt like he was only getting engaged because they were getting a free diamond.  I’m sure it’s not like that in every case, but it does leave a bad taste in my mouth sometimes.

    Post # 13
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I have my grandmother’s engagement ring (I’m not engaged yet). My boyfriend has saved for a ring and has enough to buy a nice diamond, but I told him he can use the one from my grandmother’s ring. Everyone I know thinks that’s special and beautiful. He is still going to pick out the new setting so it will be special to us and something he chose for me.

    I think there is a difference between a bride’s parents buying her engagement ring/diamond and a ring or stone being passed down from her family. I don’t see anything weird about the latter.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2675 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    If the guy is truly a deadbeat than I think that is its own separate issue.

    On the ring issue alone, I think whatever works for the couple is fine. If the bride’s family offers something I don’t see a problem with that especially if it has a lot of sentimental value. It could be a ring or stone the bride has admired her whole life and now it can be hers…why deny her that?I think that IS thoughtful on the groom’s part to find out if the ring/stone has genuine meaning to the bride. If it’s just a diamond then maybe he puts thought into the setting? Maybe they design/pick something out together. I don’t think in general that makes the proposal/ring any less special.

    My FI bought my ring (no heirlooms in either family) but I picked it out. He had no clue when it came to ring shopping and figured the best way to make sure I got what I wanted was by asking me. I love that he knows me well enough to know that I probably had something specific in mind (I did) and that he wanted to get me exactly what I wanted.

    I agree having the girl’s family buy a new diamond is a bit strange but again it could depend on the circumstance. I wouldn’t judge without knowing the whole story. In this case though I would hope the groom would contribute in some way to the ring.

    That being said I recall a story of a girl I knew who bought her own ring gave it to her then boyfriend and told him to propose when ready! He did and they have been married for 5 years, still happy.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    917 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    One of my best friends wears her grandmother’s diamond re-set as her engagement ring and I often think how sweet it is. Her grandmother has long-since passed away and I think it’s wonderful how she gets to share the importance of the stone. Why does it matter that it came from her grandma instead of his?

    I’m baffled by the insistence on “he/his family pays for this” and “she/her family pays for this” arbitrary divisions. We are well into the twenty-first century at this point…  If my mother hadn’t already re-set the diamond from my grandmother’s engagement ring I would have loved to wear it. As it stands, I’m angling for the setting (which fits me, not mom) to put some morgaite into to wear as a RHR…

    Post # 16
    Member
    179 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We used the diamond from my grandmother’s engagement ring to make my ring, and it means a lot to wear something that she left to me.  If the original ring hadn’t been worn paper-thin in spots due to 50 years of wear, I would have used the heirloom as-is.  Sure, my husband could have spent a bunch of money on a ‘new’ stone, but why?  If I thought he was a deadbeat I wouldn’t have married him, and I’d have a right-hand ring instead.

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