- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I’d like some opinions on this, since my friend and I were discussing it the other day and had some differing views. It involves a bride’s family giving a groom a diamond (family heirloom or otherwise) or a ring to give as an engagement ring.
(Just to be clear: It’s totally another matter if the groom’s family gives him a family diamond to give to his bride. I don’t see any issues with that since it’s coming from the groom’s family and it shows how very special you are that he would entrust a family heirloom to you. Anyway…)
When I was getting married my mother offered a beautiful 2 carat solitaire diamond, that had belonged to my grandmother, to my finace to use in my engagment ring. (I knew it was on offer however because my mom also separately kept mentioning it to me as an option when we discussed my ring.) After the ring had been designed and it was time to make a decision on the diamond I was relived to see my husband was shopping for a diamond on his own. He didn’t want to accept the diamond from my mother, at least not for our engagement ring, and wanted to get the e-ring diamond for me himself. I never gave him an opinion on the matter, I had told him the only thing that mattered to me is that we got my favorite designer to do a custom ring.
However, I was so very glad he got the diamond for me himself. The stone wasn’t quite as large as the family stone, but it was plenty big and very high quality – way more than I ever expected or wanted. He did a fabulous job finding a diamond for me, he spent countless hours reading, researching and comparing to get a absolutely perfect stone for my ring. I was beyond thrilled with my ring.
The thing is I would have felt really odd about MY family giving him a diamond to give to me. I just felt the e-ring should come from him, not MY family. (I would have felt entirely different if it has been a diamond from his family, but there weren’t any heirloom diamonds in his family so it wasn’t an issue or option.)
I had mentioned some of this to my friends when it was happening, and they all tended to agree. But now on particular friend is getting engaged (I’ll just say up front I’m not crazy about the guy and thinks she’s too good for him. I kind of put him in the deadbeat/user category and I’m sure that’s influencing my thinking.) Finances are an issue with him and he can’t particular afford a good diamond ring. She loves diamond e-rings and badly wants one. (Personally I think if the guy is so serious about marriage, and he knew she wanted one, he could have saved up and got a small one without much trouble.)
Her family is well-off and is offering a diamond to her for her e-ring. (They have offered a family stone and/or to BUY a new one for her.) She is now asking mine (and others) opinion on the matter. I don’t really know how much she was paying attention/or how much I talked about my e-ring and the diamond, because when it was first broached I thought she would have well known my personal choice.
So she is talking about it a lot now and keeps asking my opinion – usually in the way of sending photos of settings that she could use the family stone in or going for another. I seriously think this is just yet another example of this guy getting her family to cover his butt, arghhh…
Personally I’d rather have a simple silver band e-ring that came from my husband, over a 2-carat rock that my family gave to him. I guess, to me, the most important part is was my husband who gave it to me, put the effort/thought/money/time into it. Isn’t that what an e-ring is about, a gift from HIS heart?
What are your opinions on the matter? Do you think the groom should be the one to provide or cover the cost of the e-ring? Do you think it’s fine for a bride’s family to buy the ering? Or is it fine if costs are split between bride/groom?
(I do understand there are a range of circumstances and a bride’s family providing a stone/ring is done for a good reason sometimes, particularly if the heirloom came from someone the bride was very close too. But that aside…)