Post # 1
So we just got a Save the Date in the mail today for my fiancee’s cousins wedding. It was just a simple postcard addressed to his full name and guest. Well my fiancée and I are engaged and were engaged before his cousin and we have been together for 7 years and we live together. Doesn’t etiquette state that they should have listed my name? I just find it really rude. What are your thoughts?
It seem to me she is referring to some 1940s etiquette book that says they only list the name if it is a married couple…..
Post # 3
@MusicLove716: I would address it to both of you, however, it’s not something that would bother me.
How well does your FI know this cousin?
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
According to etiquette, yes. All geusts should be invited by name. A STD could’ve come just to him and then the actual invitation to you both.
ETA if you live together, the STD/invitation should be addressed to you both. If you live apart, you should’ve gotten your own STD/invitation to your own address.
Post # 5
@MusicLove716: It’s rude if they should have reasonably known who his guest would be. So in your case, yes it’s rude. Especially with Facebook and whatnot, it’s really easy to check on people’s names these days.
I was addressed as “and guest” for a wedding in which DH was the best man. We were only dating at the time, but we’d been dating for years and his friend certainly new my name. I was a little annoyed that his FI (who admittedly I hadn’t met at that time) didn’t bother to ask him my name. They are friends and I certainly don’t hold it against them, but it annoyed me at the time (and look at me remembering all these years later!).
If you don’t know who the guest will be and are truly inviting them to bring whoever they please, then of course it’s fine.
Post # 6
@MusicLove716: It should be to both of you. If she has met you or if you are in a relationship on facebook and she or her FI are friends with you, there is really no excuse.
Post # 8
Does the bride and groom know your full name?
I wouldn’t call it rude, but rather off putting. If they wanted to be that specific regarding each invited person they could have called him to find out your name.
Post # 9
@MusicLove716: No etiquette book has ever said only to list one person. They may say to list “Mr. & Mrs. John Smith” and leave off the wife’s first name. Do you see them often? Is your fiiancé’s cousin the bride, or the groom? It’s possible they forgot your name, and were embarrassed to ask, or that, if he is the groom, his fiancée didn’t think to ask?
The tactful thing to do, is for your fiancé to send a lovely reply, saying he received their STD, and it is lovely, and that “MusicLove716, and I, look forward to attending.” Send it as a card, since people don’t send mail anymore, and they’ll either get the hint, or are hopeless. If they’re hopeless, well, don’t sweat the petty stuff, don’t pet the sweaty stuff.
Post # 10
@MusicLove716: i would be offended, DH and I have been together for 10 years so id be pissed if someone addressed him as “abd guest”
The only time its onay to address “and guest” is if the person is single
Post # 11
Thanks Bees! The cousin definitely knows who I am and if she wasn’t sure how to spell my name she could find it on Facebook or Instagram. Both of her sisters got married last year and did something similar where they addressed a few well established non-married couples as “name and guest.”
It seems they got their etiquette wrong!
Post # 12
@MusicLove716: How close are you guys? Have you spent time with his cousin before?
I got invited to my cousin’s wedding and I didn’t even know she had been seeing anyone seriously for YEARS.
She’s my first cousin, we speak 1x / year or so but it just literally never came up. Once I met her FI, I could associate them as a couple but before, he was always an abstraction.
So not ideal, but it probably wasn’t personal unless there’s secret beef there that we don’t know about.
Post # 13
This happened to me and DH before we got married. We’d been living together and I had met/seen them many times. Since I wasn’t “invited,” I let DH handle the gift. He’s totally hopeless with that stuff, so it is officially the only wedding we’ve gone to without a gift. A little passive aggressive? Yea, but I didn’t care.
Post # 14
Haha, my mom suggested that I invite my BFF to our wedding with just “and guest” so that she could bring whoever she wants, instead of inviting her and her extremely long-term boyfriend! Lol, so obviously not everyone knows the right etiquette. I would try not to sweat it, though it is technically not correct.
Post # 15
All of my invites went out with both people’s names on it, however there were some people that aren’t in relationships or were newly in relationships I addressed theirs to them and a guest.
Post # 16
Well it was kind of lazy, it’s not like they don’t know your name but oh well.