Post # 1
I am going to be married in a year, right after graduating from college. I understand I don’t know what is going to happen in this upcoming year, but for now I have chosen my bridal party. There are two people on it that seem obligatory to me. One of them is my 15 year old sister (obvi) and one of the others is one of my best friends in high school. Since then, we have kind of been bad at staying in touch (everyone gets real lives), but I am still considering her because she was there in one of the hardest times in my life, and also because our other best friend who I am still close to is being asked. And of course it doesn’t help that all of us read those bridal Nora Roberts books and promised everyone a spot in the BP when we get married.
I just don’t know what to do about her, because she doesn’t necessarily make an effort to stay friends or show interest in anything except herself and her life, but it’s not like we’re not friends, and I feel like she still expects to be asked, most likely. She’s definitely not going to ruin the day or anything, but she’s kind of a bump on the BP log, you know?
What are my options here?
Post # 3
I can only speak for myself, but I only choose people I knew I would still be talking to in 10 years. I don’t want to look back on my wedding photos and think, who’s that? Besides, BP really adds to the cost of the wedding… gifts, rehersal dinner, parties, etc. My only advice is not to overdo it. You don’t have to ask her because of an “agreement” 5 years ago.
Also, if it helps, my very best friend (like a sister to me & the god mother of one of my kids), was married a few years ago. I was not asked to be in her bridal party (her 2 sisters were). Was I mad, sad, irritated, etc… NO. It’s her wedding. I would have graciously said yes, had she asked. But, I was not hurt or offended that she did not. We are still great friends and she is in my wedding now.
Make your choices for you, no one else.
Post # 4
i chose people who i absolutely wanted to be my BM’s. i would not chose anyone because you feel an obligation to them. Promises you made a children don’t have to be kept epecially if you are not longer close like you were before.
since you are questioning asking her, it doesn’t sound like you really want her as BM and I would suggest you don’t ask.
Post # 5
Keep her on your “reserve list” if you need an extra BM. Otherwise, like PP’s said, pick people who are more likely to be a part of your life. I hear life gets crazier once you are married so if you two can’t keep up now, you may not keep up any better in the future.
Good luck and enjoy the ride!
Post # 6
I’ve been a maid of honor twice. I haven’t talked to either girl in years. They were very close friends from hs and college but both lost touch–to some extent before they even got married. I made a lot of effort and eventually gave up.
if you don’t think she is going to be a big part of your life in the future, I wouldn’t ask her. I don’t want to look back on my pictures and be like, there’s lil sis, bestie, …..what was her name?
Post # 7
I guess right now I feel like I’m at a crossroads of distancing from high school friends, but still not being close enough to college friends, and I’m in friend limbo.