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We're both excited about our parties! Honestly, I would so disappointed if FI insisted on having a joint party. It's "my" night to go wild with my girlfriends, and sorry if this sounds awful, but I don't want FI anywhere in my vicinity haha
He is really excited about his party. They're doing a golf/casino/party weekend at Mohegan or Foxwoods.
ummmm he is TOO cute and such a keeper. My man feels the same way but I totally convinced him it doesnt have to be sexualized or crazy-- it's his night so he doesn't need the whole stripper thing. So I think they're going to the casino for a little gambling, a little drinking, maybe a show and some dinner. Maybe suggest he goes to a comedy show with the guys? A night out with the guys is definitely healthy! BUT seriously... you're lucky-- he's so cute!
@hotchildinthecity my FI is doing Mohegan too!!
Do YOU want your parties to be together?
If you want a night alone out with your girls I would explain to your FI that he should understand that a bachelor/bachelorette party isn't all about going to strip clubs, its just a fun night for you to hang out with your own friends (which is very healthy for relationships to have time alone) and go to or do whatever you consider fun. He could go to a sports game or bowling, whatever hobby he enjoys doing for his bachelor party.
Or, if you do want your parties to be together, go for it!!! Its a party so celebrate the way you want to! :)
ya, I see my girls at least twice a month and we got out and act wild all the time, so it doesnt matter much to me if I dont get to do it seperately cause its not like I never get to go out with the girls. But when you leave it to a guy's perspective, they see it as going out getting crazy as in touchy feely wrong crazy. We are more appropriate when we party than the guys are, trust me! I guess FI is more settle now after being a dad of course and his brothers are such pigs that even he doesnt trust them!
My FI would definitely not be interested in a joint party. he's so excited about his bach party already, not because of the strippers or drinking (of which there will be plenty I'm sure), but because it's a chance to spend a weekend with his friends, which doesn't happen very much now that we live together. I"m also looking forward to having a girls' weekend with my friends, and to be able to be as silly as we want and take as many pictures as we want without having any boys rolling their eyes at us!
But it seems like you and your FI are on the same page, so that's great :) Not that all bachelor parties mean that the groom sleeps with the strippers (in fact, that hopefully rarely happens--my FI is having strippers but will not be sleeping with them, lol), but it's good that you guys have the same values and agree on what is important.
Ugh, that is disgusting that his brother slept with other people before the wedding! INSANE.
If your fiance insists on not having a "bachelor" party, I would suggest to his groomsmen that they take it light but still have a guys night. Maybe they can just go out to dinner, go see a baseball or football game, go skydiving, camping, or whatever kind of activity he is into. Bachelor parties don't have to be about getting drunk and going to strip clubs... I think it should be viewed as a way to spend time with your friends celebrating before you are married. My fiance also does not want a bachelor party, but I know his friends want to plan something to all do together. My friends and I are going to visit some wineries and just have a girls weekend... nothing crazy.
If you and your FI have the same friends, maybe you can all get together and rent a lakehouse somewhere for a fun weekend of celebration and then have a girls night with your friends for your bach?
@tammy: I don't want to start the stripper debate but not all guys see their bachelor parties as "touchy-feely crazy" and not all girls see it as not that. In the case of FI and his friends, they all have families/full time jobs/wives/grad school/etc. and this is a chance to let loose/get drunk/golf/gamble with no responsibilties in sight.
On the other hand, I've seen bachelorette parties with girls getting spanked by mostly-naked men and running around in the skimpiest clothing imaginable. So I think it works both ways.
My FH is really excited about his bach party. They are going to this awesome, classy steakhouse (eh, I’m a bit jealous, I love this place too! heehee), having tons of great cocktails and food, probably smoking some cigars, lots of catching up with old friends, then coming home.
My bachlorette party is going to be a spa day with some girlfriends. We’ll get manicures and pedicures (and maybe something else, depending on cost), snack on some yummy apps, and I’ll bring nice champagne. Likely go to lunch before too.
Both of us partied heavy in our early 20’s (and middle 20’s), and have no interest in doing that now (lol I feel so old typing that, ugh). FH has NO interest in strippers.
By the time the wedding comes, we’ll have been together for over 4 years, lived together for almost 3 years, and been engaged for a year and a half. JMO, but neither of us sees the days before the wedding as a last night of being single. Single days ended long, long ago! :)
This is why my FI doesnt want his brothers to host any parties for him, the night of his brother's wedding this is what happened:
They went out to Joe's for dinner, a bunch of guys in the wedding party (innocent enough)
Then rented a couple suites at the Marriott
Rented 2 strippers/hookers or whatever the heck you want to call them (they played with themselves and was buck naked the whole time as the guys all drooled)
Groom-to-be disappeared at the end of the night for hours (apparently so did the hookers)
My FI and Bride-to-be's BROTHER went to look for him and asked the front desk if they had seen him
Front desk said groom booked another room
FI and brother in law went to the room and knocked on the door and heard loud music and screaming (pleasant screaming)
So they ended up wakling away from the scene, later on in the night when groom came back he told everyone he fell and broke his ankle from being so drunk and passed out in a ditch somewhere
-Just a funny story you would only see in movies like 'The Hangover' but ya, his brother was so crushed to find out we are having a joint but oh well, too bad. He had his fun.
I will definately buy something super sexy and strip for him that night, he will never even think of looking elsewhere, lol
@hotchild- I know not everyone thinks of bachelor parties that way, but his brothers DO! And they are alot different than my FI, thats why my FI doesnt want to leave it in their hands to plan a party, he'd rather leave it to my MOH and us. If it was up to his brother's to plan the night, a night of bowling would not be in the picture
Wow, that's awful that his brother did that. Really, really awful. But, as hotchild said, I would say that reflects more on him as a person than just on the idea that strippers=sex/touchy feely stuff. My FI is definitely going to a strip club/having strippers (or at least his friends assure me that's one of their stops), but I am not at all worried about what he'll do that night, nor do I think it reflects badly on my ability to satisfy him. But again, it's great that you and your FI, tammy, have the same views. I can't believe his brother did that--his poor wife!
I had my bachelorette party with family and friends and it was a lot of fun. Nothing naughty or nasty, it was just a great time. I am glad I went through with it.
My hubs actually didn't want a bachelor party. He just wanted to hang out with the guys playing poker and drinking beer but since his boys didn't want that he ended up not having a party. The night before the wedding though, him and his boys did end up playing poker in the hotel and went to the bar inside the hotel.
I think if you both want a Jack-n-Jill party then go for it but if you want a night with your girls maybe you can do something with the girls and meet up later with your FI and his buds later or something similar. I wouldn't want to do a Jack-n-Jill if one of us didn't want it. I am sure you can work it all out.
Thanks girls! I feel bad for the FI, he only has one good friend and he moved away to Arizona, and his two brothers are his best men, so he really doesnt have an option to go out and have a low-key night if his brothers were involved, unfortunately
I agree with some of the PP. It doesn't have to be about strippers and disgusting craziness. I see it less as a "one last celebration" and more of a awesome night to see all of my girlfriends that live far away. I am so excited just to hang out with them, and I will not be doing anything inappropriate. I am not sure if my FI is even having a bachelor party, but if he does, it'll definitely be relaxed night out. Nothing too crazy. I don't think it makes anyone (male or female) a bad person to want to celebrate with their friends separately.
@Tammy: Although its unconventional would your FI plan or at least map out what he wants to do for his bach party? If he doesn't trust his brothers, then he can lay out the plans/ make reservations therefore his brothers have to go along. In fact, if he still doesn't trust them he can always drive himself (that way if they try to drag him somewhere he can just leave on his own.) IMHO he can man up and tell his bros that he wants no strippers and if it happens he will leave.
His lack of friends or bashfullness of not wanting to stand up to his brothers shouldn't force you into having a joint party if thats what you really don't want to.
I agree with annieAAA...have your FI decide on what he wants and be very vocal to his brothers. Have him let them know that if certain things go on he will be leaving so if they want to spend his bachelor party with them then they should follow "the rules". Im sure yall would have fun together during a joint party, but I think that every bride and groom deserves to have their own party doing whatever they want to do (within certain limits!). What if you spent half the night apart at your own parties and then met up later in the night to join the groups together?? THat way you both would still get alone time with your friends but you might feel more comfortable knowing that the other isnt out all night. Ultimately do whatever is best for the two of you...I was just giving some extra suggestions!
He does know it doesn't have to be a knees up with the boys right? My guy is not the kind for a loud party with a bunch of strippers. I think he'd go green if someone booked one. He just doesn't get that kind of thing. I fully expect when he plans his 'stag do' he will be booking a hotel and golf course and having a pleasant weekend with a couple of rounds of the game.
Similarly I wouldn't want a male stripper anywhere near my hen do. I would walk off. Which is why it is my expressed wish that we go to a nearby themepark for the day, get the adrenaline going on some 'coasters and then stay over at the hotel which also happens to have a spa (and golf course....so we could even be in the same place but separate).
I see the bachelor/bachelorette thing as one last time to have some fun with just your mates without the other worrying what time you're coming home, where you are etc.
I'm thinking that we will start the night out seperate but than meet up as the night gets going. He has stated that he wants to go to the strip club but I put my foot down on that one. Way too many horror stories I've heard out there. The one's posted above just reinforce my point that grooms don't belong in strip clubs ! His upset but will get over it.
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Because mine doesnt want one, he wants to do a jack and jill and i've been pushing him to have seperate parties but he keeps insisting on doing it together. His brother had one a few years back and they rented a hotel, hired a couple strippers and his brother ended up sleeping with both hookers!!!!!! So gross! To this day, his wife will never know what happened that night. Do you want this to happen with you?
Anyways, im so glad and grateful that my FI knows the meaning of our marriage and this is what he sent me today via email, so sweeet:
We are celebrating our love and new lives together. I don't need a bachelor party to celebrate, especially without you. The whole point of a bachelor party is to go out one more time before being married. I think that's dumb. So many people do that and mess up. I'm not saying I would, I'm saying that I don't want that around either of us. I only want you. You are my stripper, porn star, everything. I would rather sit home and get a show by you. You don't have to feel like you're not allowing me. I feel very strong about my decision. I wouldn't even enjoy the party bc I would be thinking of you the entire time. There's no point. I want to go celebrate with you.