Is your FI excited or just wants to turn up?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My FI isn’t really involved. He’ll listen to me talk and act interested or he’ll veto something that he is totally against, but otherwise he doesn’t take any initiative or act super into it.

I do think he’s excited though, I just don’t think he cares about a lot of the details, which I think it normal for most guys. Why would he really care what kinds/colors of flowers we have, what placecards we use, etc. He just wants to get married and whatever details I want then that’s what we shall have. A few weeks ago he did randomly say, “I’m still excited about this wedding” hahaha. Good to know 😉

I’m fine with him letting me handle everything because honestly if it were up to him we’d probably have a superhero themed wedding. He did go to the lighting meeting with me and him and the lighting guy started talking about how there are cobwebbed patterned lights that can go on the wall. I know he loves Spiderman, but really??

Post # 5
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i told FI i wasn’t planning the wedding myself.  he could care less about invitations and flowers, etc.  but he does care about the music, food, and venue.  we did some things together.  and i gave him a To Do list of items he needs to take care of.  he was responsible for the marriage license, honeymoon, rehearsal dinner, dance lessons (he knows someone), a glass piece to break during ceremony (we are jewish), and probably a few other things i can’t think of now.

Post # 6
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@dressmadeli:  My FI got more involved the closer the wedding got. I think it’s because the closer it got it became less of an idea and more if a reality.  I always asked his opinion on any decision because I wanted him to feel included. Usually he didn’t care but there were a few items I was surprised he cared about. 

Post # 7
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

I’ve tried to get my fiance involved, but it hasn’t worked at all, so I’ve just been going at it mostly alone — my mom and friends have helped with things like music choices, bouquet opinions and menu. I don’t think he’s going to get more involved seeing as we’re only 54 days from the wedding, heh.

Post # 8
2657 posts
Sugar bee

I think most guys don’t get very involved with planning, but that doesn’t mean they’re not excited.  My FI doesn’t gush over color schemes or decor details like I do, but he does give input if he thinks of a good idea or a better way of doing something.  The one thing we always do together is deciding on vendors, since we’re both contributing to the budget.  I think it’s a good balance for us.  I always figured that if he wasn’t excited about having a wedding or getting married, he would not have given me a ring in the first place.  

Post # 9
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bleusteel:  My FH is the same. He’s given some amazing solutions to huge problems, but he doesn’t get excited about what shoes the BMs are going to wear, or who will read what at the ceremony.

He does keep saying that no matter how many jokes he makes about it, he’s looking forward to waking up to his wife every morning. D’awwwww Kiss

Post # 10
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

So far we’re in the beginning stages of planning, but FI has been interested. I’ve been doing the venue research and booking appointments, but he’s gone with me, asked questions, and is involved in helping pick our venue. To be fair, we have a clear frontrunner, but he’s definitely participating with that.

He’s also been really good about letting me talk about details and whatnot. He’s also asking questions about things, because I somehow inherently know more about wedding planning than he does lol.

I think he’s getting excited about it. He didn’t really know what goes into wedding planning, but we found a really great venue and I think it’s making him more excited about the day. We’ll see how it goes when we need to start planning the details!

Post # 11
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

MY DH was totally involved and I’d have been worried if he just expected to turn up because it was his wedding too! Having said this, we tended to make all the decisions together after which I would often make the final arrangements. Mainly because he had work and other appointments that couldn’t be postponed and I was around during working hours to deal with the finer details that couldn’t be left to weekends.

Post # 12
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve pretty much done  most of the planning/work on my own.  He’s come to a few stores with me, and of course we looked at venues and met with the pastor together.  But that’s been his total involvement up to now.  The to-do list I gave him, I ended up doing most of it.  <sigh>

Last night, out of the blue he decided to start thinking about the music for the DJ.   I tried to get him involved with this months ago, but gave up and made up my own list.   Hopefully as we get closer he will get a little more involed, but he’s more of a “just tell me when to show up” kind of person.

Post # 13
1931 posts
Buzzing bee

When we were planning the whole big wedding and talking about the cost of it, he would more or less get angry any time I would bring it up. The financial and social aspect of it stressed him out and he would resent me for talking about it. 

Now that we’ve chucked that idea out the window and are eloping and having three separate events for our wedding festivities (symbolic destination ceremony/weddingmoon, City Hall civil ceremony and a party) he’s stoked. It’s nice to see him so excited about something. 

Post # 14
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@dressmadeli:  We went to book our elopement venue this weekend and the wedding coordinator joked that my FI is the bride. He has a clear picture of what he wants and I just want to show up! Lol.

Post # 15
2694 posts
Sugar bee

DH had to be involved because we had agreed to elope and he changed his mind due to his mother. I tried planning at first but I got too many “I don’t care, do whatever you want”s from him. The problem was that I didn’t care either and I don’t know why he thought I would. I just wanted to get married without the fuss! I flipped out on him and told him that he has to do the planning now because I really don’t care – we have been together five years and the entire five years, I told him that I wanted to elope. This forced him to plan it with his mother. I did organize the officiant and the photography because that was our responsibility and the parts that I card about and he thinks that these things can be put together and arranged two weeks before the wedding.

ETA: I just showed up to my wedding! I didn’t know any of the minor details. I did know what flavor of cake we were going to have though.

Post # 16
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@dressmadeli:  DH wasn’t into it at all, and after seeing everyone else’s reaction here on WB when I would mention it, most guys aren’t! When I told him I wanted to elope he was SO happy because that’s what he wanted to do from the get go. Just us, on a beach, saying our vows.

Weddings are completely and utterly a woman’s thing. There are some grooms to be who are excited about it, but most just want to marry their fiance and get on with life. 

They don’t care about the decor, types of chairs, types of food, all they care about is marrying you! Don’t be hurt by the fact that he isn’t into it, it’s totally normal. On the day of, he’ll have a good time and get to marry the woman that he loves. 🙂

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