Is your husband the head of your family?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

@linnylou_88:  I believe in equal partnership, but I’m very interested to hear what Bees with opinions different from mine have to say!

Post # 4
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m curious what that even means these days. I’d say we each take the lead on different things but overall we’re equals.

Post # 5
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We don’t believe in “heads of households” and especially not in the male patriarchal sense. In fact, my DH would be distinctly uncomfortable if forced into that sort of role! Instead, we are an equal partnership and we make decisions from within that framework of equality.

Post # 6
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

I’m not married quite yet, but my FH is the main decison maker in our relationship. He asks for my input, but I’m terrible at actually making decisions, so it works for us. We’d never get anything done if I didn’t give him final say.

If that makes him “head of the household”, then it is what it is. I have no complaints about the way our relationship works (but I can’t say I’m fond of that term).

Post # 7
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Um, interesting question. FI is sitting over here, and I asked him if he thinks he is the head of the household, and why.  He said yes, bc he’s reponsible for doing “everything” around the house. LOL Well, yes, my FI does all of the cleaning, chores, laundry, cooking (but I cook more), car maintenance, etc.. But I am in charge of making important financial and life decisions.  So I don’t really know how to define “head of household” in our relationship. I think I am, but he thinks he is, haha.

 

Post # 8
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would say that our relationship is an equal partnership. Some things I take the lead on and some things he takes the lead on. But I will say that because he’s older than me and has had more general life experience he tends to be the one to takes the lead. 

Post # 9
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are full on equal partnership!  Some things I take mroe of a lead on other things he does, but we DO NOT have a patriarchal look to our marriage at all.  Before DH even met me he knew that wouldn’t be an option! (advantage of meeting online!)  I’m not super crunchy, but yeah, I’m a bit of a femminist, I guess that is what growing up in a conservative patriarchal family with 3 brothers does to ya!

Post # 10
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

In terms of decision maker, that’s me. While I do take DH opinion into account, I ultimately make the final decision. 

Post # 11
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Not my husband yet, but I imagine that my SO will be the head of the household. For us, that means that his job takes priority over mine; in case we have to move, if a child is sick, I’m the one who leaves work etc. The reason for this is that he is very career orientated, I am less so (even though I am in a career, I could do any kind of work and still be content), his job is much more stable and provides more financially. Plus I would like to stay home when we have children. So this attitude makes sense.

He is also much more knowledgeable as to finances and investments. Although we would discuss our options together, at the end of the day I would most likely agree with whatever he thought was best in this matter.

On the flipside I think that I will have most say when it comes to raising children. 

I know that this would not work for everyone but it does for us and is what I have chosen, it’s what makes me happy. 

 

Post # 12
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@linnylou_88:  In general, we are very equal- BUT, I tend to make some of the decisions on my own for a few reasons:

#1:  I have a kid, and my husband is not his father.  So there are some things that kiddo and I have in place already– so DH just goes along with those things.  WE make the final decision for big things for DS together– but DH would never just, for example- out of blue call and make a dentist appt for DS unless I asked him to.  But little day to day things, DH has full jurisdiction when it comes to DS

#2:  I do not work at the moment.  I do volunteer at school, and am actually starting to look for work right now.  But because I don’t work, I take care of “everything”– I pay all the bills, make the necessary calls to cell/cable/etc if necessary, take the cars in for maitanence and oil changes– etc….

 

We equally run errands + grocery shop (most times together), and in general we make all major decision together.  But, for example, we just had a new dryer delivered an hour ago– and I was the one to go out and buy it on Thursday. DH had to work, and he knows I wouldn’t make a decision without minimal research in the least– and I ended up taking my dad with me since he was free anyway.

 

I consider us an equal household, but I guess I am the one who is more “in the thick” of running the house; it’s the least I could do since I don’t work for anyone else.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

We have it split–He’s in charge of the finances, I’m in charge of the home.

He has 100% say in 401K and investing, I have 100% say in cleaning/cooking.

Everything else we share decisions in.

So even though I SAH, I would say neither of us are head of the house!

Post # 14
Member
1788 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Not married yet, but we’re definitely equal in our household. We both get equal input on absolutely everything, because there is no division of power or responsibility. If anything, he defers to me when he’s feeling indecisive or trusts me more to make a decision. 

Post # 15
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Yes.  It definitely has taken some getting used to, since I didn’t marry until I was in my mid 40s and was very independent.  However, because my DH and I are both strong Christians and we both believe in the Biblical model for marriage as outlined in Ephesians chapter 5, we are both in agreement that he is the head of our household.

That said, we both have master’s degrees and are intelligent, articulate individuals with a wealth of different life experiences. We also have different personalities and giftings. I am a Type A, detail-oriented planner who has to research the heck out of everything. He is a much more care-free, spontaneous, laid back person. We can often get on each other’s nerves because of this.

When we disagree, I do not hold back. I tell him exactly what I think, and why. I make my case.  He makes his. Sometimes we can easily come to an agreement. At other times, it may take some time and prayer for us to land on the same page. However, I know that, based on Scripture, my DH has the ultimate responsibility before God for our family.

Post # 16
Member
416 posts
Helper bee

I make the final decisions regarding basically everything, so I suppose I am.

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