Post # 1
Is your paid officiant (not neccessarily your priest) sitting down at the reception with you for dinner? My officiant requests it as a “courtesy” that he is invited with a plus one. I honestly do not have a spot for him. Im having a 40 person small wedding and every seat is accounted for. If I have to make a spot Im literally renting an extra portion of table and linen just for him. I have no problem providing him a vendor meal but is it rude to not have him at dinner service with my family? I just find it strange because he’s performing a 15 minute ceremony and although he is nice he constantly confuses us with another couple so its not like we have emotional ties to eachother. How is everyone handling their officiant and the meal? I dont want to offend the guy because i honestly dont know what the etiquette is on this!
Post # 2
1234sophia: I think it’s courtesy to provide every vendor with a meal. Kind of strange that he’s requested a plus one.
Our officiant has a seat at our dinner, along with his wife and two kids. He’s a family friend, and his daughter is one of my BMs.
Post # 3
In Ireland at Catholic weddings, it’s fairly common for the priest to be invited for the meal. (No plus one issues there, obviously)
In your situation, I wouldn’t invite him.
Post # 4
Nope. They left right after the service. The only vendors provided with meals were those staying the entire length of the reception, like the photographer and band members, who ate on-site, during a 20 minute break.
Unless he is of the same closeness level as the other 40 guests, like long term family friend, uncle, etc. he shouldn’t be attending your 40-person, intimate dinner. Tell him you need to wait and see if there are any cancellations or no-shows, for you to accomodate him.
Post # 5
We invited ours along with his wife. His wife did not attend, but he did. I think it’s the right thing to do.
Post # 6
Generally, it’s courtesy to provide a vendor with a meal if they request it. But, I have never heard of an officiant requesting one (with the exception of officiants who were family members/friends and were already on the guest list). Our ceremony was super short too and the officiant told us that she’d be leaving before dinner was served. However, she was also local so she wasn’t spending extra time traveling to do our ceremony. If your officiant is traveling outside of his normal radius, he may be requesting the meal due to time spent traveling. Even so, he should have made that known ahead of time in the contract.
If you absolutely can’t find the space for him, maybe ask if you could reimburse him for meal expenses elsewhere.
Post # 7
Yes, my officiant and his wife will be seated at the tables with the rest of our guests, but that’s mainly because the two of them are close friends of my family (and the wedding is taking place 6 hours from where they live).
I do think it’s strange that your officiant requested a +1. If he wants to stick around for the reception, he should be comfortable doing so solo. Otherwise it seems like he wants a meal but doesn’t want to sit with people he doesn’t know, so he’s forcing somebody you definitely don’t know on your intimate wedding!
Post # 8
1234sophia: Yes. We provided a meal to our officiant.
Post # 9
We had a secular officiant. She left right after the ceremony.
Post # 10
Depends, is your wedding and reception at the same venue? If so, it would be right to include him and his guest there. I could see the plus one, who wants to be alone at a wedding where you don’t know anyone?
If your reception isn’t at the same venue, its up to you. If you cannot do it in the budget, nor want him them, especially if he cannot remember your name, i dont think you need to have him there.
Post # 11
1234sophia: I was under the impression that officiants (and spouses) are always invited to the reception, but apparently that’s not true across the board.
I invited our officiant and his wife, but we didn’t pay him (he was a judge, not allowed to accept payment), and he was an acquaintence of both families.
If you can work it, I would extend the invite. Are you sure he’ll even accept?
Post # 12
Thanks for the input. It sounds like its not uncommon for him to leave so Ill pry offer to provide him a vendor meal outside the reception hall. Thanks for all the comments its really really helpful!!
Post # 13
The only vendors who are getting meals are the two djs and three photographer.
Post # 14
We invited the minister who was marrying us to the reception. We got to know him over the months leading to the wedding and really liked him, but we invited him from the get-go, from the first day we met with him. I think it’s the right thing to do. A request for a plus one, however, is a little strange. I think I would just order him a vendor meal, if I was in your shoes. Especially since it doesn’t seem like you’re that close with him.
Post # 15
1234sophia: I’m inviting my officiant and his wife. I know them personally, and both of them are on my GL anyway. But in your case, I would kindly let him know that the reception is incredibly small – I’m sure he’ll understand.