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I'm 33, and just out of a long-term relationship. Looking around at my friends who recently have found the One and are now married or getting married, I notice that one thing they have in common is how the person they ended up with didn't really match any of their expectations about who he would be.
I was wondering how common that was - did you have an idea in your head before you met your guy that was shattered when you realized he was going to be "it" for you?
Nope, not the person I thought I'd end up with at all. FI is very very different from the man I imagined I would marry.
He is not perfect, but he is my prince charming. And I love him. :)
ETA: maybe you could add a poll?
Hahaha--great thread. My answer would be ummm, nope.
Let's see--I listen to country music and radio pop, he plays and listens to heavy metal. He's got long hair and a big black truck, and I've always been attracted to cleancut military guys. Other than the superficial differences, I feel as though he is my best friend, and I was really lucky to find him.
I caught him cuddling our Boston Terrier the other day because he came in from the drizzling cold and he was shivering. He was drying him off with a towel and whispering how he should know better than to stay outside in the cold. *sigh*
I did go ahead and put up the poll. For those who answer - can you give specifics (like Miss Longcoat)? I am really curious about this! 
@notabee: Oh lets see...
What makes him different than I expected:
FI is 13.5 years older, his formal education is less than I expected, he is covered in tattoos, is not big on dancing *sad face*, was not Catholic, has a bit (to say the least) of a rough past, is a divorcee, shaves his head, doesn't know how to tie a tie (never really had to), grew up deep in the country, used to ride bulls, I love proper grammar and let's just say FI doesn't usually speak it.. lol, watches a little more t.v than I'd care for, and that's all I can think of right now...
What I love about him:
He is so genuine, understanding, generous, loving, faithful/loyal, loovvveeesss children (but doesn't have any yet, thank goodness! so it's up to us to make the babies =)), a very hard worker, incredibly sharp (and sharp witted), has converted to being Catholic (his choice), adventurous, likes the outdoors, he is a tinkerer and can make/fix just about anything- the perfect handyman, he's tall and skinny (but broad-shouldered and manly) and muscular just like I like, eager to please but knows what he wants/likes as well, affectionate, loves "little hounds" and is very sweet to all animals, open to just about anything, his interests are very broad (almost as broad as mine! haha), very supportive to any interests or endeavors that I have, very knowledgeable when it comes to home-buying/finances/etc., extremely responsible and puts so much thought and consideration to any decision before he actually makes it, can sing so well that it makes everyone quiet just to listen to him, and he will dance with me and twirl me when the mood is right. That's just skimming the surface. :)
ETA: So I guess all the important bits that were subconsciously important to me I can check off "the list". :)
I voted: Kind of - I wish he was sort of different because it fit best. But, actually, I dont' wish he was different, I just expected different.
I actually turned him down kinda harshly when he asked me out in undergrad because I just couldn't see it at all, even though we were best friends. And, after graduate school, he still kind of had to coerce me into dating him. Thank goodness he's so persistent (and apparently smarter than me about thsi whole relationship thing).
@LemonLavender: ha! Same way with us! J knew right off the bat that he wanted to marry me, but I was like..."ehhhh I don't really know...this isn't what I bargained for!" He was persistent and asked me to just please give him an honest chance. I'm so glad I did. :)
You need an "other" option! Or maybe it depends on how you are looking at it. I never had a picture in my mind of what my perfect match would look like. I did, however, have an idea of what I wanted my guy to *be* like. I wanted someone who was gentle, kind, loving, quirky, fun, good sense of humor, who enjoys life, and who loves me with all his heart. I got that!! When I met Anton, that non-existant picture started to fill in. He fit everything else perfectly and was so much more then I dreamed of!
On the other hand, I never imagined that I'd find love 6k miles away from where I was! So maybe a bit? I do know that he's become my best friend and my better half.
I was expecting someone tall, dark, and significantly older than me. I expected he'd be artistic--an actor or a poet or something. Very debonair and romantic. He would be a big reader, and quite intellectual.
FI is only a couple inches taller than me, and ten months younger! He's also a nerdy engineer. He's not the kind of romantic I was imagining (giving roses, making me dinner, bringing me breakfast in bed. . .), but is romantic in his own way by taking care of me and always being there. He's not much of a reader, and he's certainly not an intellectual--but he's incredibly intelligent and knows all about the more practical things in life.
But he is genuine, honest, and sweet. He completely supports me even when I'm crazy (you know we all are sometimes!). He is very outgoing and social, which complements my introversion perfectly. I have so many great experiences now because he made me come out of my shell. He also set up an incredible entertainment center and fixes things around the house that I wouldn't even begin to know how to do. We are also very similar (good) in our spending/saving habits, so that makes me very comfortable going into the future. He makes me feel so safe, secure, and loved.
I was about 19 when I realized that FI and I would be perfect together. We lost touch and went our separate ways a couple of years later. I dated other people but I think always kind of compared them to him. We finally started dating when I was 25. So yes, I think he's close to what I expected, even though I definitely dated a variety of people before him, just to make sure, haha.
My FI is bang on the nose, exactly what I've always dreamed of, mind wise, personality, attitude, career wise, looks wise, every single thing. The only thing I thought was that I would end up with a brunette, not a blond.
I feel lucky every single day! (sorry for gushing)
DH is nothing like what I thought I would end up with. Some are superficial and others are more serious. First DH has a son and I didn't think that I would ever date a man with kids (again had a bad experience), I had always dated really manly dirty construction worker types, and he is more metro sexual. He is really extroverted and I really love more nerdy quiet types. DH is a very big guy which I didn't think I would like. He has hair, always attracted to bald guys or more closely shaven hair. His family is truly insane and I was looking for someone who had a family more similar to mine. We are of different religious and ethnic backgrounds. Our educations are totally mismatched. On paper we make no sense :) In person we are perfect together.
I cant vote because none of the options apply to me. he is not exactly the person I thought I would end up with but I dont "wish he was slightly different" I'm happy with him just the way he is.
he is completely what i thought he would be--and more.
my husband is the most amazing man i have ever met in my entire life, and he treats me better then i ever thought a boyfriend or husband could.
i knew that i wanted these things in a guy:
-funny
-intelligent, passionate about learning
-loves jesus
-outgoing, strong personality
-organized
he has all of these things but times ten! so i guess he is exactly what i thought i would end up with, but different at the same time.
sometimes i feel like i have no idea what i could have done to deserve him!
@MissDareDevil: sometimes i feel like i have no idea what i could have done to deserve him!
I 2nd that completely!
He's exactly what I always dreamed of. Creepily so, in fact!!
He loves animals. He's allergic to cats, even, but still loves and wants to own cats. He's protective, understanding, respectful, intelligent, he's even a brunette like I expected.. he's just everything I ever wanted.
Yea, actually right from the start I had a really good feeling that we'd end up together. I felt the spark between us when we had our first date nearly a year ago (He did as well with me). We both really haven't had doubts about wanting to be together forever and living together has brought us closer so that's why we didn't want to put off getting married. He's my fantasy guy and he says I'm his fantasy woman.
Not at all. This dorky drama/band nerd with a serious book collection was always into the artsy type. Not your typical "manly-man," so to speak.
Aaaaand I'm marrying a professional athelete who whoops ass in a cage for a living. Does it get much more manly? I think not :)
@MissDareDevil: sometimes i feel like i have no idea what i could have done to deserve him! I definitely agree! Except it's all the time. . .
I never really had a 'dream' husband, and every person I've dated seriously has been so different. But I was infatuated with DH for years before we got together, it was like a fairy tale. So in a sense he is the person I hoped and dreamed of being with forever.
Not really! In my early 20s, I thought I would end up with another artsy fartsy journalist type. My future husband is nothing like that at all. He's actually in business, which I thought I would hate.
He's the person I've dreamed about. He is everything I've ever wanted. We are different but we do compliment each other. We balance each other out.
I think DH is very much like the man I always imagined and hoped I'd end up with.
I never had a image/mental picture of the physical attributes, only the qualities I wanted. Gentle, kind, loving, quirky, fun, intelligent, driven, loves kids, good sense of humor, who enjoys life, and who loves me with all his heart. Check, check, and check!
I don't like your poll! I answered 'kinda', but I don't want him to be different.
Looks wise, he is totally my type and kinda geeky (plays video games and table top games), but I usually went for the scientist/engineering type (who were left handed, strange, I know). But he works for a museum.
@Miss Longcoat: Doesn't it just melt your heart when they are so loving to our fur babies? My DH has to say good-bye to our kitties before he leaves the house. Even if that means looking under the beds. It's so cute watching him walk around the house looking for them, then saying, "Good bye, be good boys and we'll be home soon"
I was expecting a average-looking, shy, tall, cowboy that rode horses, owned a ranch and went to Texas A&M. Or possibly a man in the military. With blue eyes. What I got was an athletic, outgoing, unbelievably handsome entrepeneur who is the only non-aggie member of his family. With the prettiest blue eyes I've ever seen.
What I love about my husband is his kind heart, goofy sense of humor, a complete lack of awareness of his affect on women and his self-discipline in many areas. I realized that a ranch life was actually far different from what i grew up with, even though I've ridden horses all my life. I didn't actually need a shy man, I just needed one that would let me talk. It's nice to not have to be the only outgoing one in the couple. We're constantly socializing with other people. My husband's values and background are very similar to mine, and we have many shared passions. We have the same faith and the same goals for our future. I think God knew better than me what I needed in a man and He added a couple of bonuses like modelesque good looks. :-)
In some ways, but in others, not at all!
It's hard to compare, though, because what I thought I wanted when I was in, say, high school (someone Catholic, scholarly, quiet, big reader/writer, bonus points if he was a poet) wasn't at all what I was attracted to in college (someone passionate about Jesus, outgoing, mission-oriented, maybe a bit radical, good father material, adventurous, romantic, bonus points if he was a musician).
My husband loves Jesus, is good father material, is a musician (bonus!), and ultimately wants to pursue a missional lifestyle, though he's a bit slower about it than I am :-P. But on the other hand, he's even more introverted than I am (who knew that was possible?) so definitely not outgoing, steady but not so much adventurous, struggles a bit in the romance department, likes to read but likes movies more, and is way more math/science/technology oriented than I am. Which is perhaps why we knew each other for several years before I even considered dating him :-) but it works
I dated my ex for 7 1/2 years. When we broke up, I made a mental list of things that I wanted out of my husband (pretty much the opposite of my ex). I wanted someone who shares my religion (Jewish), has an education, a steady job, a nice family, and treats me well. My husband fits all those things.
@mmsva: aaaaaw about the kitties! My FI always goes in for forehead rubs from my cat in the mornings! It seriously melts my heart!
I also picked kinda, although I wouldn't change anything about him.
I did not expect the person I would end up with to have 2 kids and a crazy psycho ex. ... I guess if I changed anything I would get rid of the psycho ex, I'd rather a reasonable, understanding one... hm...
He is a little more masculine & alpha than I ever expected. My last boyfriends were geeky and hipstery and beta males. So, this is a bit of a change. I probably could have put glitter on my exes, but FI refuses to be anywhere near glitter and he hates it if I wear it because "it gets all over him". LOL.
He's an amazing chef (not professionally), which I LOVE, because it means I don't have to cook. He's cleaner than I ever though a GUY could be. Which is awesome! I love clean freak boys!
He also has a bit of a sketchy past....
He loves me more than I ever thought someone could love me.
Overall, I could not be happier (well... except for the psycho ex!). He is the perfect man for me, and we mesh perfectly. I can still be myself, and he can still be himself. He brings out the best in me, and I bring out the best of him!
My FI is pretty much the opposite of what I ever expected.
Honestly, I always dreamt of a 'prince charming' type that took me out on dates, is really sensitive, outgoing, a lawyer type with a great family.
FI is a more introverted, manly man type, police officer with a sort of choppy childhood. He's sensitive, in his own way, and he makes me laugh! I love him to pieces.
I've dated the 'prince charming' guys, and no...they just don't DO it for me! I love me a manly man!!
We had all the same friends, so we knew each other in high school, but we mostly just tolerated the other's presence (although he claims he thought I was hot). Anyway, I was a senior his sophomore year, and by the time his graduation from highschool came around, we were great friends-- and then came friendlier :)
I never thought I'd end up with him because he was like the little brother of the group. Always there, always cocky. I was always a lot more self-assured so I didn't need cocky. Also, he wore track pants EVERY DAY. And he had bad hair. And he was pretty scrawny.
I was never a relationship type of girl. I was happy in myself and didn't need another person around to make me feel comfortable about myself. My friends-- who were basically all the realtionship type-- would ask why I wasn't more interested in anyone, and I always just avoided the question by saying that I had to meet a man that knew more Disney songs than me. Um, well, he does, so my smart assery came back on me.
@helenberrycrunch: LOL! Did you make him stop wearing track pants?!?!?!
My husband has all of the qualities that I wanted in a husband. Had I made a list of what I wanted in a husband, I'd have been able to mark off every item (well, except maybe lottery winner/multimillionnaire lol).
But he was still a complete and total surprise because I married someone I've known since elementary school. He was exactly what I was looking for, but I never knew him well enough to know it. Had you told me in high school that I'd marry Mr. Neva and spend the rest of my life with him, I'd have thought you were insane. We were friends, but I was convinced he had ZERO interest in me.
I was so wrong. I'm just sorry it took me so many years to figure it out. The man of my dreams was someone I'd known all along.
Like moderndaisy, i had a crush on my fiance before we got together. We went to high school together, and reconnected five years later. So it's a surprise we are together, but his values and personality are exactly what i was looking for in a husband.
HS Mr. Dear:
Current Mr. Dear:
And just for perspective, he was born in 1990, so he does NOT remember the 92 nba finals. I don't know where he got that hat or why he loved it so much.
@helenberrycrunch: HAHA Wow!! Huge change :)
@helenberrycrunch: I like what you did with him!!! hehe... Very huge change! and a SUPER cute pup!!!
@Neva: "Had I made a list of what I wanted in a husband, I'd have been able to mark off every item"
I actually had to make such a list during my youth group / bible study in HS. I hadn't looked at it in years but I found it a few months after we got engaged and I was at home for the holidays. DH met EVERY SINGLE ITEM on my list I'd made in HS 5 or 6 years earlier.
DH is nothing at all what I expected. On lots and lots of points, he is more like the exact opposite. But he is perfect for me and, when I look back at the type of guy I thought I would end up with, I would have been bored to death! Hubby might be a challenge sometimes but he makes me more happy than I ever thought I could be.
I can't remember what I envisioned "the one" to be like. Now I just envision my FI. So it's kind of hard to answer this question. I'm sure he is different in some ways, but I wouldn't change him. Our arguments give spice to our otherwise boring lives :)
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