Is your SO more ''tolerant'' about your same-sex fantasies?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Does your SO know about your same-sex fantasies?
    I am straight, I have these fantasies and of course he knows, we tell each other everything. : (28 votes)
    36 %
    I am straight, I have these fantasies and I haven't told him. : (17 votes)
    22 %
    I am bi/lesbian , I have these fantasies and I have told him : (17 votes)
    22 %
    I am bi / lesbian, I have these fantasies and I haven't told him. : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Why this thread should matter to me? I don't even think of women this way. : (14 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 2
    1131 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    My fiancé is exactly the same way. I’ve actually been in a relationship with a woman before, and even so when I mention/point out a woman I think is hot, he is just like, “yeah, let me in on it!” We talked about threesomes before because I would really like to have one with another man, but he won’t hear of it, however he would be more than happy to have a threesome with another woman. He says part of it is just that he’s not attracted to men, which I get, but he also says that he would feel really jealous to see me with another man. But apparently he wouldn’t feel the same way to see me with another woman – that’s just hot.

    I guess it’s a double standard. Maybe it’s because he knows that I could easily compare him to another man in bed, but it’s much harder to compare a woman to a man. Maybe it all comes down to the penis size after all….

    Post # 3
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    My FI would be uncomfortable (though he wouldn’t stop me) with me attending a bachelorette party like the one you mentioned. He would be pissed if I kissed a girl. It wouldn’t be considered a special circumstance because of the gender.


    Post # 4
    1029 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    Anonthinking:  I don’t know if I would call them lesbian fantasies,  but FI knows that I don’t have any qualms with sleeping with another woman. I recently did a post about something similar to this…check it out…Anyway, I’m of the opinion that it all depends on what the relationship can tolerate.  Cheating is subjective,  but it should be defined and agreed upon in a relationship; then, what others think shouldn’t matter. I would never sleep with another man. I would even be offended if FI suggested it or attempted to give me permission.  Now, if he gave me permission to sleep with a woman…I would sing, ‘Oh Happy Day’, but I would never do it without his permission because that would be cheating. 

    Post # 5
    70 posts
    Worker bee

    I think you are being over dramatic with the anon account, don’t beat yourself up. I have seen worse things going down during parties like this. A coworker of mine even had a summer fling and never told her husband because ”she wouldn’t see the guy ever again”. The fact that you feel guilty over this and that you told him says a lot about your marriage and you should be happy you have this kind of relationship.

    We are like you guys , and I think we are both the mainstream version of women when it comes to this and our SOs. You know, we are straight  but we ”would do Angelina Jolie if we could” and that makes him hot and that’s it. But what is cheating and what is not depends on the couples. I know couples who live the polyamorous lifestyle and couples where the guy can’t stand his partner having coffee with a colleague. Cheating is subjective and has to do with a couple’s ideas as PP said. I would love to have a FFM threesome once in my life but I don’t think I will ever have one now. I don’t want to risk it and don’t know how would I react in the end. But the fantasy of being with a girl is hot, most of us have it (not every woman but a good 80 % I think that does) and as long as we don’t tell our SOs about it all the time and make them insecure they will find it hot and we will all go on living a  happy life 🙂

    Post # 7
    1259 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014


    My husband watched me make out with my friend a couple times. We are all friends and the guys enjoyed the show. It was fun! It is pretty collegey but we were in our own home, just the four of us and we are adults. I don’t think it is skanky in that sense.

    Post # 8
    8388 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’m not sure if my husband would have a problem with this, but I don’t think he’d be a fan (he doesn’t like to share lol).  Sadly, I’m pretty lame, so my sexual fantasies pretty much all involve my husband.  I’ve had experiences with other women before, but I just wasn’t really into it.  I think this is one of those things that varies within each relationship, as long as you and your partner are on the same page about boundaries, I don’t see it as being a problem.

    Post # 9
    11 posts

    housebee:  I don’t think it is lame at all to have your fantasies surrounding you and your husband. I really think that is what marriage is supposed to be about.

    Post # 11
    109 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’ve been attracted to girls for as long as I’ve been attracted guys, though I’ve never actually been with a girl.  I’ve kissed my best friend a couple times while drunk, and he was ok with it because it was her.  That said, if I were to do anything else with anyone else we would both consider it cheating.  My FI isn’t the jealous type, but outside of said incidents he is no more ok with me kissing a girl than he is a guy.  We just don’t have an open relationship like that.  We’ve talked about threesomes, and if the right person came along we would probably go through with it.  It could only be with another girl though.  He nixed the threesome with a guy idea before I even completed my sentence.

    Post # 12
    1762 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Anonthinking:  IMO, most guys say that they wouldn’t feel threatened by their woman messing around with a girl, until she actually does…foreal. That’s when it becomes a problem. I think a little drunken kiss at a bar or some other alcohol fueled encounter usually isn’t a big deal. When sex, affection, and feelings are involved it’s a completely different story though. I’ve experienced it and have seen it happen a million times!! A guy who will get jealous if you mess around with another dude will totally get jealous if you cross the same line with a girl…

    Post # 14
    1762 posts
    Buzzing bee

    (Regarding cheating) ^^^^

    Post # 15
    141 posts
    Blushing bee

    This thread is interesting. I wish my fiance didn’t find girls threatening! I’ve  had girlfriends before, and even just me talking to one who was more of a friend than girlfriend, he feels threatened. When I met him I wanted to be with a girl again, and I joke that he made me completely straight lol. I used to have fantasies about it but not anymore. I would tell him about them, but he would always feel insecure and sad even. Some guys would think any girl-girl action or feelings is hot or nothing to be worried about. My fiance, however, would argue that he “can’t compete with a girl”. He would definitely consider it cheating if I kissed or did stuff with another girl.

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