Post # 1
I’ve been planning my wedding since last October. Shortly after we got engaged, we decided to do a destination wedding in Cuba (from Canada) for three reasons:
- Only the people that really wanted to be there would be there because they would be responsible for their own ticket
- We wouldn’t have to go thousands of dollars into debt to throw the party as weddings are including in an all-inclusive package.
- we would get a honeymoon out of it. If we did our wedding at home in Vancouver, we would not have anything left to take a trip together.
We decided we’d have some money to spend on things like a private dinner (depending on how many chose to come etc) and a few little extras like putting a small welcome gift in the room etc. We are home owners and we just have more responsible things to spend our money on over a party.
When people committed and booked their deposit, I chose very carefully my maid of honor and a bridesmaid (my sister who is coming from Spain). My fiancé chose his Best man and a groomsman.
We decided to do the official marriage papers here in Canada as it was also less expensive and we wouldn’t have to wait for our marriage certificate to come from Cuba (which can sometimes take up to a year after the wedding!!) So, in order to do that, we asked his best man and my maid of honor to come and be our witness a at a small local private ceremony before the wedding. We decided not to tell anyone else as we knew people would be upset they were not invited to the “real wedding”. Ridiculous (people just don’t know what goes into planning a wedding and we just don’t want to spend the money on a one day even so that everyone can get smashed. We want people to come that WANT to share our day with us. I have a problem paying for Aunt Mary that I havent’ seen or spoken to in 25 years. Know what I mean? Anyway…that date for the private ceremony is this Saturday….and his best man forgot and booked a trip to Vegas!!! Gong show point #1. We had to scramble to find someone else.
Then, my sister just called me to tell me that the price for them to come from Spain to Cuba is costing them about $6000, and they just can’t afford it. Well, that’s fine. I understand, but it’s been that price for 6 months and I keep saying, not to come because that’s too much, and she keeps telling me she’s work it out! Now that my wedding is 6 weeks away, she’s calling to tell me she can’t afford it and now I have to scramble to find another bridesmaid and the dress and the shoes an all of that!! Gong show point #2.
I’m just at a point where I just want people to 1. Care about the fact that we are getting married, and 2….live up to the responsibilities that we’ve given them…which really doesn’t mean that much other than showing up if they have said they will! Am I asking for too much? Has this happened to anyone else? I’m just getting really fed up and I kind of just feel like taking off with my fiancé and calling the whole thing off!
Post # 3
You poor thing. You sound so stressed. You are getting married 3 days before me. We opted for a small wedding as well for many of the reasons that you did. When it comes to peoples schedules, something is always going to come up for someone. For example, 2 months ago I told my BM’s when my bach party was going to be. I finally found a date that worked for everyones schedule. I created a Facebook event and low and behold, my MOH who is my sister, cant come because she made other plans. At the end of the day, its about you and your FI being married and having a great time. I hope you will be able to find a couple good friends to be your witnesses and share in your special day. Go to Cuba, be married and enjoy your new life together. Hang in there:D
Post # 4
Thanks. I guess I just don’t understand why people aren’t taking it seriously. I mean, it’s a big deal! AND I can’t believe your sister didn’t change her plans!!! Oh well, I guess I just wanted it to be a nice day to share with everyone, and I guess people say they are coming becuase they know you want them to, even when they may not be giving a realistic answer. I just wish they knew that it’s hard to scramble last minute and it’s stress we don’t need. I just wish people would think. I guess it’s just because when I say I’m doing something… I DO it!
Post # 5
You sound super stressed right now! Just try to stay calm. I can speak to you from experience here because we went the same route with our wedding, just to Mexico instead. We were married legally here in Canada too. To answer your thread question I will tell you my DW was a whole heck of a lot more stressful than this. Just take it one step at a time and everything will fall into place.
Our best man wasn’t able to attend our legal ceremony as planned either, but it wasn’t a big deal. The whole thing was really quick and you have the choice to make it more about the paper work than the vows. We chose to do it that way and it was a breeze. You can have literally anyone sign the certificate, so don’t stress about that.
As for your sister, I know this sucks, but you had to expect it would happen with one person or another because it is a destination wedding. We had so many people adding and backing out at the last minute I thought I might loose my mind. Looking back I wish I had stayed more calm. There really wasn’t much to worry about. It all seems more dramatic at the time.
So, from one DW bride to another: Relax, breathe, smile and it will all come together. The last thing you want is more stress before the big day 🙂
Post # 6
Thank you….yeah, I guess I’m just the type of person that if it was ME saying I would be there…then I would be there. I just wish people were more reliable. AND…it would have been ok if the BM just couldn’t do the paperwork “ceremony” but he actually forgot – and my MOH actually knew about it and didn’t say anything!! She’s known for a few weeks he booked a holiday on the day he was supposed to be our witness. We didnt’ find out until yesterday….and it’s supposed to take place in three days.
Ok. Oh well, breathing. Thanks for all the kind words.
Post # 7
im the type of person that if i tell someone i will do something i would crawl over hot coals if i had to because i gave my word – but not everyone is like this and yes, i get disappointed by others when they let me down, i just gotta remind myself that not everyone is like me when it comes to saying they are going to do something.
and for your gong show entertainment comment, on our wedding day (we eloped) i had a topless woman sunbaking under our wedding arch (who did kindly move when asked), a drunk band including an old toothless man playing an empy winebottle and spoons, eddie the barman/witness had to disappear halfway thru the vows to serve someone before he came running back and our “just us” wedding ended up with 100 strangers watching because a cruise ship docked that morning and they day tripped to our tiny island and took hundred of photos….. and it was the best wedding ever, we loved and laugh about every moment. goodluck!
Post # 8
I think these things just happen with destination weddings.
I’m have a DW in Playa del Carmen in four days (!!!). We also got married ahead of time to avoid all the requirements.
FI and I chose to have a best man and a maid of honor. After my best friend assured me they were coming I selected her as my maid of honor. Well, she got pregnant and just had a baby a few weeks ago. Needless to say she dropped out. I didn’t mind because these things happen and I was really happy for them.
I then asked my SIL (brother’s wife) to step in and said yes so all was set. Then about three months ago my brother announced they were getting a divorce. Again down a MOH.
My next idea was to just have my brother stand up with me. Well, things came up with him and even though he REALLY wanted to come he couldn’t. He’s my only sibling so I’m kind of upset but what can you do. Now I’m just having my mom stand up with me.
One of my FSIL said she and her boyfriend we coming. However, they bought a house back in January and now can’t afford the trip. Luckily his other two siblings are going.
When we originally announced this we realistically thought we’d get 25-30 people based on responses. Well, three four days out and we have 10 people going. I’m kind of bummed but there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s not going to stop me from enjoying my wedding.
I’m sure yours will be amazing!
Post # 9
wow. you have really rolled with the punches! Have a wonderful day and enjoy your trip! After all that…what could possibly go wrong!
Post # 10
sounds like you had a fantastic day. it made me laugh. Thanks so much,m
Post # 11
@mmcmahon: This exact thing is happening to me. We are doing a destination wedding and we are doing a tiny one legally before we go to cut some of the same costs out there. The only thing is we got roped into have a backyard party when we get back (Get back on Thursday, party on Saturday) which has fully turned into a full fledged reception. I only have one person who has followed through with coming to Cancun and thankfully she found a friend to go so she wouldn’t be alone. Not only have people been less then receptive to the wedding it has flowed over into other events; none of FI’s family went on his bachelor camping trip, I had to plan most of my own bridal shower in which half the guest list “forgot to show up” after they RSVP’d yes and I’m not having my own bachelorette party because everyone told me they would take care of it and I come to find out no one did. This coming weekend is the last weekend before we get married (the first time) and it’s too late. I am glad to know I am not the only one going through this. Even though this is totally childish and we are responsible for our what we want and I know life doesn’t stop for our wedding I guess it’s just puzzling. FI and I always put everyone first along with all their children and I guess I am a little dissapointed they didn’t want to do it for us.
Post # 12
@mmcmahon: i had a destination wedding in Jamaica and let me tell you, the SAME thing happened to me as what you are describing. I think it is very common for DWs. We planned a DW in part to save money. But my DH’s family does not have a lot of money, so we sacrified the fancyness of the resort we chose and booked at 3.5 star instead of 4 or 5 star which i really wanted….we did this so his sister and her kids who we asked to be in the wedding party (BM & GM) would come. Guess what, none of them even tried to save money or nothing. We had even paid for his niece’s bridesmaid dress. And she is not a kid. She is 18, young – yes…but she has a part time job. I picked her up and brought her to the dress store to try on BM dresses, she picked one. I ordered and paid for it. We were planning our wedding for a year. They all said they were going to come no matter what. We were willing to help out with costs as well – but they saved NO money and finally told us they offically can’t come – about a couple of months before the wedding!
That;s one thing that happened. I also had a BM who lives in New Zealand. I spent about $5000 to go to New Zealand for her wedding a few years ago. She was telling me for a year she is coming no matter what. She even bought one plane ticket from my city to Jamaica as she wanted to be on the same flight as me and was gonna come early to visit. I also told her repeatedly (like you with your sister) that I understand if she can’t afford to come. Well, she even got promoted at her job and emailed me and her family to say she can finally truly afford to come to my wedding. Then about a 6 weeks out, she says she can’t come because she wants to move soon and needs to stay at her job for a while before she quits and its just too late to plan a trip to Jamaica!!! (um, she knew about it for a year!)….and of course her plans have changed since my wedding. She is not moving, just coming here for a visit this summer!
Oh, i also have a very good friend who officiates weddings as part of her job, so instead of making her a BM, i asked her to co-officiate my wedding. She was delighted and said yes. I booked my wedding, told her when it was, she said she would book soon but wanted to wait and see if she was going to bring someone. Well after several more months of not booking, she finally realizes my wedding is on Passover (she is Jewish) and says she can’t come! Now, I respect all religions and all that, but couldn’t she have checked into it right away? I could have done my wedding the week after, but of course it was too late to change since several other people have booked already. Not to mention I talked to several other Jewish friends who said they would have still gone to a close friends DW during Passover, so THEY told ME she was using it as an excuse. who knows.
So that’s my story. Hope it makes you feel better. Let me tell you that with the people who DID come, we had an AMAZING wedding and I could not have been happier once we were there! You will see when you are there that only the people who are there will matter at the end of the day and you will have a fantastic time!
Post # 13
@dynamic_duo: yes, sounds like I’m not the only one. I was just starting to feel like this was just out of control, but it sounds like it’s fairly common with a DW.
and I’ll leave you with this. When we first told everyone we were planning a destination wedding, my fiances brother said how excited he was and happy we were getting married and that they would totally come. I found out about a month later he actually told HIS wife that he didn’t approve, thought we were incredibly selfish for “making” people travel all that way to and “undesireable” spot. the rest of his family is coming and he has not backed out but told us “he wasn’t trying to make a statement or anything”.
Um….ok. Now I know what kind of person he is!
Thanks for everyone’s advice and kind words. I feel much better and I’m going to just take it one day at a time and look forward to being on the beach with my fiance!
Post # 14
What I have learned is that it isnt about anyone else but the two of you. I am so sorry that those two people did that to you and that is wrong of them to do so. But make the best of it hun I am having a destination wedding and it has been very stressfull with people telling me they cant come because they will be sick and that is my dads mom ( my nana ) I was really hurt.. how the hell do you know that 4 months from now you will be sick… but my FI took me aside and told me its about us and our happiness and that helped. Those people will feel bad in their own way on their own time knowing they missed your wedding. I hope you work it out and have a great time with your FI.