Isn't about the man? And NOT THE RING?

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

i told my FH a long time ago how much i hate girls that instantly consider upgrading or exchanging the ring, its just a symbol.  or the girls that won’t say yes or no until they even see the ring.  its tacky and rude and shitty of them.  it actually makes me questions their integrity.  they’re more worrieda bout the status and what others think than the promise & committment they just got from their love.  

FH knew how i hated when girls in movies would wait to answer til the box oepned, so he asked and kept the box closed, even with a whole bunch of people shouting, lets see the rock!, until i said yes.  i would have said yes even if it was empty.  he deserved an answered, no matter what was inside.  no take backs, no substitutions. 

Post # 3
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I happen to love my ring. If anything, it could be a bit smaller, actually. That said, I am so glad FI and I had honest, open discussions about getting engaged and about what the piece of jewelry I’ll wear every day of my life will look like. I’m sure we both would have been bummed if I’d hated it.

ETA: Had I hated it, I’d have told him. It’s not about the ring, but I shouldn’t have to wear something I hate either.

Post # 4
Member
6614 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree. I love my ring because FI got it for me. Fortunately, we are on the same wavelength and he picked my favorite. However, I told myself beforehand if he got one that was not my favorite, I would still love it. Seriously, if I were a dude (or party in a relationship that would propose), I would say that you don’t need a e-ring to be engaged and committed to each other.

Post # 5
Member
5204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

absolutely_tati:  “When did the ring become more important than the man?”  Obviously, it hasn’t.  I think you are way over generalizing here.

Your friend was incredibly crass and thoughtless in her reaction to her ring.  That is NOT AT ALL NORMAL.  The majority of people would never dream of being so materialistic and insensitive in that special moment or in public.  

Is there anything wrong with the trend for a ring to be a joint decision?  Of course not.  For one thing, many couples have joint finances and are dual income and therefore want to make joint decisions about the budget.  Additionally, beyond the money your ring is something you do wear day to day, so it’s not so crazy that many ladies would like to have a say in the look.  Of course, it’s all about good communication as a couple so that feelings aren’t hurt.

But are women starting to reject the idea of “you get what you are offered and don’t say a peep?”  Well, yes.  And we should because it’s one small way that we claim equal power in our relationships.  I think (and hope) that within 50 years that current concept of a proposal will change dramatically (as it has been changing for decades), and the changing dynamic of the ring is part of that.  

Post # 6
Member
980 posts
Busy bee

I agree that its not about the ring, but for some people who have very particular tastes/ideas or think that round solitaires make their fingers look fat or hate white gold or whatever I think it’s rude for the ring buyer not to take into consideration personal style. When you buy someone a present you but them something you know they will like, often that means asking them beforehand what their preference is.

The ring is generally a biggish purchase and I would hate for my SO to spend too much on something that I could only pretend to like. I wouldn’t like to go into a marriage like that, feeling that I couldn’t discuss my feelings, tastes, etc. 

Post # 7
Member
3704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I also can’t stand girls like this. I think that so much about getting engaged and married these days is about the ring and the wedding and not about the relationship and the marriage. I don’t know if it is facebook or what, but it seems like, for a lot of people, getting engaged and having a wedding is about showing off how big your rock is or how extravagant your wedding is. I don’t get it either when people get new rings after they are proposed to with one ring. If he chose a ring, saved for it, and proposed with it, that is your engagement ring, that is the ring that holds the meaning. To snub your nose at that is childish. I, personally, got proposed to without a ring and we chose our rings together later, but if he had gotten a ring without my knowledge, I would have cherished it no matter what it looked like.

Post # 8
Member
13019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Why do people assume that just because someone actually cares about jewelery that they wear that it’s more important than the marrage?  Making that leap is absolutely ridiculous.  If your FI bought you shoes you hated, or clothes, or whatever, would you be ok with him saying, wear it cause that’s what I want you to wear?  If it’s going on my body, I should get a say or at least be able to discuss it with him and come to some kind of compromise.

Post # 10
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

absolutely_tati:  It is because engagement rings are treated as status symbols I guess. There are a lot of women that would have never given my husband the time of day because the things he is passionate about and excel in are not things that make money. It is my win though, because while I only have a quarter carat diamond, I also have a happy marriage. That is my status symbol.

No offense, but your friend sounds like a twit. The way she treated her ring so cavalierly as soon as he gave it to her, he must have been really hurt. It wpuld serve her right if he took it back and went to Jared’s for one about half the size.

Post # 11
Member
13019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

And for all those saying they honestly dont care what the ring looked like and would have loved everything, good for you guys to not care about jewelry, really.  But that doesnt mean that those of us that ARE actually into our jewlery care any less about our husbands/FIs or our marriage and relationship.

Post # 13
Member
5204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

absolutely_tati:  Sure, they are out there, but they are unusual.  You see a heck of a lot more ring talk on this forum than you’d ever see in real life (obv) and you see lots of women who want to change or upgrade their ring come on here to get advice about how to bring this up tactfully with their FI/DH in order to not hurt his feelings.  Most people do care.

Your friend is crazy though, she needs to give her head a shake.

Post # 15
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

pinkshoes:  I agree that women should speak up about their ring if they don’t like it. They should be able to have something that is their style. There is a way to go about it though. The way the OP’s friend went about it is a lesson on how NOT to tell your FI of 2 seconds you don’t like the ring.

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