(Closed) Isn't this a double standard?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

@beginningagain:  I don’t think someone choosing their own ring is trying to control the situation. I think choosing the ring is just making sure you get a ring you will love for the rest of your life, on your finger. You wear this item everyday. So, it makes sense since the women are the ones wearing it, that they would like to choose it. And, that doesn’t take the surprise out of the engagement at all. All it does is make you know what ring you are getting. You don’t know when, how, nothing like that. I see nothing wrong with picking out the ring. Actually, almost all my girlfriends picked out their own rings, and the men surprised them with a proposal. My sis too… My one friend who didn’t pic a ring, she gave hints about styles she liked. She got nothing she likes, and to this day still is sad about her ring, but wears it.. So, personally, I say if your man is good with it, definitely pick out your rings ladies! And, no, it won’t control the proposal at all…. It is just getting the ring you love! Your man still has full control over the proposal!

Post # 4
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think there is a typo in your post.. you must mean ‘bees that say you shouldn’t approach your SO’.

 

I think that every Bee on here is an individual and does things differently. I talked to my FI quite about about our engagement before we got engaged, but he was 100% responsible for the ring. I know others who have chosen or designed their rings together.

 

This is all personal opinion and there are many different opinions out there. In my opinion, an engagement is not something that one person is involved in, it’s a couple. Both individuals should be considered. I believe communicating on plans to marry is important, and for some women getting the ring they want is important – nothing wrong with that. I don’t think that working with your SO on taking steps in your future together is controlling – I think that’s working as a team.

 

Post # 5
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@beginningagain:  I can definitely see your point that it’s kinda hard to expect a surprise if you pick your own ring.

Personally I can do without the surprise and would rather have a say in my ring. And that’s what we’re doing. We never were in the situation where I had to pressure him into anything, though. We simply decided we’re going to marry and we are picking the ring together. S’all good.

I am not sure how most proposals can be a complete surprise, though. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where I would be truly surprised if he proposed. We discussed marriage from very early on so always knew it was on the table. We discuss our life goals together etc. so nothing comes as a surprise.

Post # 6
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with you, beginningagain. The only thing I told my fiance was that it was really important for me to have a conflict-free diamond, and a bit about the kind of styles I like. We did not go ring shopping together or discuss any specifics. It was very open ended and I’m beyond thrilled with what he chose. He bought a bigger diamond than I EVER would have had the balls to choose. I think that’s the bonus of letting the guy pick!

Edited to add: we had discussed getting married many times but the proposal was a true surprise because of the way he did it 🙂

Post # 8
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

If any woman is truly, actually, completely surprised that a man proposes to her, she probably shouldn’t be saying yes. If one isn’t aware that the relationship is at proposal stage and a proposal happens, that’s not usually a good sign.

The surprise comes in when, where, and how, not if.

Post # 9
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

double post

 

 

Post # 10
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

@mrsSonthebeach:  oohh Ive never looked at it like that, good logic, I felt a bit lame knowing but not anymore!

Post # 11
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@crystalrae:  yeah for the team thing!! I had no concept of a surprise proposal, so it was quite a difficult situation when I realized that my SO wanted to do that! As I explained it many other posts now, I picked my ring and we picked a proposal date together on which he gets to do something special (because he insisted), and I’m very happy we are working as a team in this whole thing, because it is a couple thing after all! I don’t understand how it can be seen as controlling, when both of us are working towards getting united for life! It is very important, and it shouldn’t be left to only one person!

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