- 4 years ago
Hi all! I’m hoping for some advice on how to handle my son’s upcoming wedding. (Just a quick background, my daughter just married in March and we did everything DIY — decorations, cake, food, set-up, clean-up, etc., and it was a huge task that took me weeks to recover from! I haven’t even publicly posted most of the pics from that wedding because I honestly look like I hadn’t slept in a week!)
Now my son has decided to get married in a few weeks. On a Friday evening (start time around 4:00-4:30). At our home. With an expected guest list of 200. Potluck style dinner. He and his fiance are devout Christians and a lot of people from their church are donating and helping with just about everything. MOB is not involved in much of anything — not helping to plan, not helping to provide financial assistance, etc. It seems to me like this wedding is going to end up being a disaster, and I’m not sure what to do. Part of me thinks I should just stay out of it and let it be what it’s going to be, and the other part of me thinks I need to try and get involved and help get this event on track. But I don’t want to overstep or intrude on what my future daughter in law wants for her wedding.
Here are some of the issues that are causing me great anxiety:
The potluck dinner — future DIL told me the other day that they are only planning on having “finger foods”. I tried to explain to her that she needs to serve a “meal” on a Friday evening, and her response was “Why can’t everyone just eat a late lunch?” UUugggghhhh. I cannot afford to cater this for them, and to prepare a meal for 200 would be way too much for me. How can I convince her that she really needs to serve a meal and have people bring casseroles, meats, pastas, etc.?? (Also, I do have two large restaurant-style food warmers to hold hot foods, that won’t be an issue)
The ceremony — It seems to me that they are trying to include a lot of time-consuming events during the ceremony, which is looking like it might end up lasting at least an hour. They want to do 15-20 minutes of praise & worship after all guests are seated, as well as her mother reading a prayer, a foot-washing ceremony, a painted canvas unity ceremony, and the two of them will be singing a duet, along with the typical Christian ceremony and vows. Not only is this seeming like a very long ceremony, but honestly, a lot of our family members are not that religious and I’m afraid they are going to feel uncomfortable.
Also — apparently there’s some tension between her mother and father (divorced), so she suggested that rather than have groom’s family on one side and bride’s on the other, that we instead seat all of the father’s on one side and all of the mother’s on the other. This does not sit well with me or my husband at all…
The decorations — Future DIL says her and her bridesmaids will come over one day the week of the wedding and make all the decorations. I tried to explain to her that we worked almost daily for over a month on my daughter’s decorations, and still didn’t finish everything! I don’t think she realizes how long this is going to take. I have given her a lot of the decor from my daughter’s wedding, but the things she wants to make are things that are going to take a while, believe me!
The reception — Ok, there’s a lot about the reception that is causing me stress! Again, the whole thing will be held here at our house, outside. I have no problem with flipping the yard after the ceremony (as we did this for my daughter’s wedding as well and it wasn’t too bad), but it’s getting pretty chilly here in the evenings and I think people are going to be cold sitting outside. Future DIL’s response to that was “Well we can buy some material and make everyone a small blanket.” What?!?!?!? For 200 people???
Also, they want no alcohol and no secular music at the reception. While I understand and respect that, I see it being an issue for a lot of the guests. I don’t see a lot of guests getting up and dancing very much…just sitting at tables in a cold, damp front yard.
They wanted to try and keep the reception to about 2-3 hours. I’ve explained to them that just getting 200 people through a buffet line is going to take quite a while!! There’s no way to get a reception into 2-3 hours…unless people just eat and leave! Which, they might want to do anyway!
I told them that we will need to have a working rehearsal dinner the night before to start decorating and setting up — and their response was that Thursday’s don’t work very well for them, Monday’s are better. WTH?!?! This is THEIR wedding!!
My dress — Her mother (again, very uninvolved!) has still not chosen a dress. I’ve contacted her several times over the last month or so. But this is putting me in a bind since traditionally I’m supposed to wait for her to choose before I choose mine. I don’t have much time here, and it’s not easy for me to find a dress because of my petite stature — most everything I buy needs to be hemmed/altered! Should I just go ahead and get something without waiting??
Those are the major things that I’m having a hard time dealing with…so any advice would be greatly appreciated! There’s no changing the date for them, I’ve tried. I just don’t know how to sit back and watch this play out with what I percieve to be real big issues… Any thoughts? Ideas?