Post # 1
Considering that we are only sending our 30 invitations for our wedding I had made the foolish assumption of thinking there wouldn’t be any conflicts with the list. I pictured that our friends and family would be there and everyone would be happy for us.
If you’ve read my other post you’ll know my wedding is on a Wednesday afternoon or evening (still in the air right now) and there is even the potential of a small Wednesday ceremony and a delayed Saturday reception.
So anyways, I was looking over his list and crossing out anyone I already had on my list when I came across a certain couple he has chosen to invite. We’ll call them Bob and Jane. Well Bob is about 5 years older that him and has always been controlling, I always tried to be nice around Bob considering I had a severe social anxiety disorder but Bob has told me to my face he doesn’t want me around if FI is invited to his house because I am awkward. After we’d been dating for 2 years Bob met Jane and they had a baby 10 months later… they are not married yet but Bob is always telling FI how much better of a couple they are than us and that he should dump me.
That alone was enough to make my teeth grind at the thought of Bob coming to our wedding, but there is more. Last year FI and I were going through a rough patch, Bob decided to take it upon himself to insert himself into the middle of our relationship. He called me names to my face and had FI kick me out of the apartment we lived in together (Bob even threatened to cal the police himself if I didn’t go and threatened me), needless to say we broke up for a couple of days because of it but luckily FI realized what his friend was doing and tried to mend what he had done.
Ever since then he and Bob have not been on the best of terms but they have been civil, part of the reason I never thought he’d be invited when there are so little invites going out. Since FI chose to invite him, he went and told him before I even confirmed the list. Since then I’ve received a facebook message from Jane criticizing my wedding date, telling me I should keep my attitude in check with Bob, asking if their child can be the flower girl, and generally speaking down to me as if I were a child.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve asked FI to consider removing him because of how I feel about Bob and Jane, but he doesn’t want to because he’s already verbally invited them and he knows it will cause a fight with other friends to uninvite them. I am considering uninviting them myself and just telling them he shouldn’t of jumped the gun and invited them before we confirmed the guest list. Or even if I do let them come how do I even respond to this communication from Jane, I really want to type every swear word I know into the reply box but I have enough restraint not to tell her off.
Post # 3
By no means whatsoever would someone like that be coming to my wedding, even if my fiance had to stick his tail between his legs and uninvite him. I would never allow someone to come that wasn’t supportive of our relationship and that treated me like scum.
Post # 4
A verbal invitation isn’t binding. This guy sounds like a jerk, and if your FI doesn’t get why you don’t want him there THAT in itself would be a huge problem for me. There are going to be tons of guests at your wedding, but only one bride, and that is you! He shouldn’t care if this guy that he is only “civil” with attends the wedding!
Post # 5
Oh, hell no. Your FI needs to tell them he made a mistake and they are not invited (blah, blah, intimate ceremony, blah, blah). Oh hell no.
Post # 6
@JessicaJupiter: wait a second… the girlfriend of your fiance’s friend told you to keep your attitude in check with her boyfriend????? please tell me I read that wrong. Who the hell are these people and why the hell are the inserting themselves into your relationship like they are? Why gives a sh*t if Bob doesnt like you, I think I’d have FI talk to Bob and tell them to leave you the hell alone (including his gf) or they will be uninvited, no questions asked. Then their behavior will dictate whether they come or not. That is absolutely not OK for some random couple to be talking to/about you the way they are!
Post # 7
@JessicaJupiter: Hell would freeze over before people like this would be at my wedding. I think you should put your foot down…hard. If your FI won’t uninvite them do it yourself. Unreal.
Post # 9
Hell freaking no. Uh uh. No way even if pigs started to fly in a frozen over hell. Why should other friends fight over YOUR wedding invitation list? That’s not a good reason to keep them as guests. Stand your ground and discuss with your FI just how hurtful their presence would be on what should be such a happy day. It’s his job to uninvite them, and he needs to pronto.
Post # 10
@JessicaJupiter: They need to be uninvited. Given the way Bob has treated you in the past, I am shocked your FI invited him. I understand that Bob is really pushy, but it’s your wedding day too. The fact that this guy has done pretty much everything in his power to break you up, he has no right to attend the day that binds you together.
Either your FI needs to step up and stand up for the woman who will soon be his wife, or you need to tell Bob and Jane that sorry, the invitation was premature and you won’t be able to accomodate them after all.
These people need to be cut out of your life, ASAP.
Post # 11
@JessicaJupiter: Don’t invite them – let the chips fall as they may. They are NOT friends – their words and their actions indicate otherwise. Why on earth these people would even be on anyone’s guest list is beyond me. Dare I ask why your FI considers them friends?
Wedding guests are people who are supportive of you, your FI, your marriage and your future relationship.
Post # 12
@Charliejeorge: That snip she put in stems from that fight last year, I had some choice words for Bob when he decided to interfere where he did not belong. They have both taken the fight very personally and stronly maintain the beleif I was in the wrong, even though FI had explained to them the fight had started because of his actions. I think their behaviour is part of the fact that they are 7 years older than I am, so they look at me and FI like we are just little kids playing house and they are the adults.
@beetee123: He fully understands why I do not want him there, he just hadn’t realized that I still feel very hurt and angry over what has happened involving them. He is more of a forgive and forget person so he doesn’t realize that I may not have always forgiven the people when he has. If only you could’ve seen FI’s face when I asked him about it, it all came rushing back to him then.
After reading the responses so far they are certainly not going to be receiving an invitation. I’ve spoken to FI and he doesn’t feel comfortable discussing this with them as he knows they are going to twist it around and get nasty. So I’ve just done it for him, I’ve sent Jane a nice anc civil Facebook message stating “FI has informed you that you were going to be invited to our wedding next year, unfortunately since this is a small and intimate event there is just not room on the guest list for you to attend. FI should not have told you before the guest list was finalized.” So hopefully they’ll take it like adults and not make this into some competition.
Post # 13
@Astra: I am not sure if FI even considers them friends, I suspect it is the fact that he doesn’t have a lot of friends in general so he doesn’t want to just throw them out of his life. He is also notorious for forgiving and forgetting people for doing things to him so I assume in his mind this was all behind us because it hasn’t been an active fight with them. I actually used something similar to what you said to explain it to him, I asked him why they should come to our wedding if they think we shouldn’t be together and hate me.
Post # 14
@JessicaJupiter: I’m glad that your FI was understanding of the situation. Sometimes I see future brides talking about their fiances demanding that someone the bride absolutely cannot stand be in the wedding party and stuff. It’s sad to see that these women’s fiances would put a friendship with someone who is pretty terrible over their relationship with their future wife! It’s good that he was able to see that this could cause a huge problem for you even if you had to resolve it in the end. I think that was a good compromise!
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2016 - The Fox Hollow
This is YOUR day and you deserve to be happy and enjoy it. All that negative energy will definitely have an impact on it.
Post # 16
Oh man, your wedding isn’t for another year? I would have just not sent them a save-the-date, not sent them an invitation, and let it play out that way. I think blatantly telling them that they’re not invited is going to do a lot more harm than good in this case. Invitations don’t go out until 8ish weeks before the wedding anyway, so a lot can change with your relationship with these people in that amount of time.