(Closed) Issue with SIL’s wedding and a deploying husband

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

“To me, if she was in no rush, she should have waited until he had his return date and gone from there.” – Would you have wanted to wait to get married if the roles were reversed? 

I actually think it was very nice of her to plan her wedding around your husband. If that Sunday was truly the only time that they could rent the house then what were they to do? Change venues because it would be inconveinant for one person?

From the sounds of it you don’t want to go to this wedding regardless so I guess I don’t see why it’s such a huge deal.

Post # 3
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I can relate. Kind of. I am the one that is in the sister’s shoes. My brother is in the Army and has been home from Iraq since August. With us getting married in March, there is a chance that he will be deployed right around then, possibly to Afghanistan or to Korea again. If I knew for sure when my brother was going to be deployed, I would probably try to set my date before it, but then again, I have been with FI for almost 7 years, so we are in kind of a hurry to get married.

Military life is so difficult. I’m my brother’s best friend and I talk to him constantly, and I still don’t fully understand everything that goes on with deployments and work, and leaves. It’s all so confusing for a civilian like me. I would cut her a little slack because she probably doesn’t understand all of the pre-deployment stress. She might think that it’s like a job when you travel, you don’t have stuff to do until like the night before. The military is completely different, maybe she just doesn’t realize it. I know you understand the implications of deployment, but she might not. I’m just trying to give you a little insight as to what she might be thinking, but I don’t know her. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So she should schedule her wedding when you husband comes back? Umm I think thats selfish of you to be honest, especially since it seems like you don’t care for her much. As the OP said, she’s probably isn’t aware of the details that go into your husbands committment. Cut her some slack.

Post # 5
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have a future BIL who is currently deployed.  There is no way that my Fiance and I would schedule our wedding around his deployment.  I’m sorry, but it’s a unfortunate sacrifice of being in the military.  I hope that you grow to understand her point of view and I’m sorry your spouse is deploying, it’s rough.  Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
3640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you need to consider ALL the people she is trying to work around. Not only her brother but her FI’s family as well. Put into the equation: Money (some dates are cheaper than others, obviously Sunday is cheaper), available dates, not wanting a super long engagement, possibly older family members etc etc 

She did her best considering all of this, it’s actually before he deploys! At least he has a chance of going. 

Please try and see it from her side, with all the things she has to juggle and all the people that date has to please, at least he’s in the country.

Post # 8
Member
3640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@jindc: I don’t understand, they DID plan it around the deployment. He IS in the country. :S Granted it’s not the perfect time, but they planned it around the deployment as best they could. It happens to be on a Sunday, I’m sure many other people will struggle with the whole “work on Monday” thing, not just your husband.

Post # 9
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

OP I’m confused….what would have made you comfortable 30-45 days from before he leaves.. rather than 7? What did you expect from her? Like the previous poster said, its not JUST about your husbands time, she has probably had other peoples dates/times to consider as well. But she did the best that she could considering his time. If this is any indication of the FSIL your gonna be, I feel kinda bad for her.
You don’t even want to freaking go but you unhappy about her day. Wow. Just goes to prove yet again, brides can never make anyone happy…in this business of planning weddings. someone will always be ready to rake you over the coals.

Post # 10
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think you’re taking this the wrong way. My husband deploys every year for 4-8 months- if his sister were to get married a week before deployment, I wouldn’t mind. It’s her wedding- she can get married when she wants, where she wants. Plus, she technically did plan it around his deployment. He can attend. Is the travel a bit of a pain? I guess, but it might turn into a fun trip. Plus, it will give him an opportunity to see his family before leaving. We’d head home right after the wedding so we could have a couple of days alone.

Post # 11
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Is this your husband’s first deployment?  Because his departure date will most likely change twelve times from now, and so will his return date. When DH deployed, first they said January, then April, and he finally left in March. Coming back it was maybe November, could be as late as June though. He came home in March as well.  He knew his exact return date when he was leaving for the airport to come home.  So you can see how it would drive his sister insane trying to plan her wedding around his deployment.

Post # 12
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think his siter is being completely reasonable. She set her date for a time that he is still in the country and could therefore hopefully attend.  What more can you ask for??  (and it is insane to expect them to wait until he returns from deployment to have a wedding).

Plus, his deployment date isn’t set in stone – it can still change, potentially multiple times.  His sister seems to be doing to absolute best possible considering the circumstances.

Besides, you seem to hate her anyway and have no desire to go to the wedding.  So why do you really care when she has it.

Post # 13
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This woman will be family when you marry your fiance. Are you really going to try to “get out” of attending her wedding if he’s not there? I think that is really selfish, honestly.

Post # 15
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

So now I understand.  You’re angry because you don’t have enough vacation time to do both? 

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