(Closed) issues and visits home, WWYD?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sorry to hear that your family was unable to attend your wedding.I know that was hard for you to not have them there. Most of us have moms that say annoying things.Just ignore her.lol.Only visit when you truly want to,or perhaps you could send for your mom so that she could visit you.

Post # 5
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think if you don’t want to go, you shouldn’t go.  There will be other holidays, and maybe you will feel differently then. 

Post # 6
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Maybe you could take a break from visitng this year. I would be very hurt as well. My sister pulled the same thing on me. She knew about my wedding for months, came to visit us two months before the wedding and then two months later claims she didnt have money. Why didnt she wait two months to come visit when she knew my wedding was around the corner. 

I have reach out many times and I finally gave up. No reason to even try because it takes two to make it work. I am sorry sweeetie. If I were you, I would stay home and just enjoy the holidays in my own home. 

Post # 8
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Honestly, I would take a break from visiting this year, they obviously mean more to you then you do to them. Sounds like they take for granted the frequency of your visits, and they need to realize that it has to work both ways.

Post # 9
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

As many of the other bees said, I would take a break from visiting this holiday season….

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

This situation sucks, and I’m sorry you’re going thru this.  They sound a little like my mom’s family, out of sight out of mind…. and they make no real effort to keep you in mind.  I’m not sure what you get out of the visits home.  Do you enjoy your family in general or is this complete obligation?  If it’s the later than maybe take a break for a while and spend the money on a great trip for DH & you.   I know it was complete obligation for my mother to go visit her family and once we were teenagers and involved in sports, she used that as the excuse to not go home.

Post # 11
Member
2879 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I think you need a break from visiting. If you’re worried about your mom (or what she’ll say to people) and would be comfortable offering, you could suggest that she visit YOU for the holidays. Then if she says no, at least you offered.

Post # 13
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Don’t go.

“Hi Mom, just wanted to let you know that your gifts are in the mail.  Hubs and I are looking forward to spending some quality time alone together and really enjoying our first holidays together so we won’t be able to make it.  After the wedding and everything this year we really need a break and the down time, I’m sure you understand.  Hope you enjoy what we sent and we’re looking forward to being able to visit later in the year.”

Post # 14
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We are in a similar situation- we’ve been flying back home to GA from CA at least once a year, sometimes twice, for the past 4+ years. Each trip is around $3,000 and we haven’t been on a single REAL vacation just us two. And lets face it for $3,000 we could go on an AWESOME vacation! After the 4th time round the cycle I gave up & said that we are not going back home for a few years (we need to save, we want a real vacation, it’s too expensive, too much hassle) and if people wanted to see us they needed to spend their money & come out to us. My family reacted well, they said it was understandable & a huge expense for us two, however his family got all up in arms about it. Fast forward a year later & no visits back home, they got the picture & have since ALL took the time to come out & see us at our home. 

I think if you don’t want to go home then you shouldn’t. They may make a big deal out of it but will eventually get the picture & realize how one-sided it has been in the past & hopefully step up to the plate. 

Post # 15
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What I think it boils down to is if it would be more fun to be there or be in Utah. I’ve been stalking you for the last 15 minutes (because your elopment sounded awesome!), and read this post, and it sounds like escaping the drama for a bit would be a nice break. Were I you, I would visit after I had cooled down some more. Nothing like simmering frustration to ruin a holiday weekend. If you go, don’t sleep wherever she is, so that you don’t have to listen to her the whole time and you can leave when it gets to be too much. If you decide to stay, I’d make a point of planning out fun things to do in your area so you have something to A- Look forward to, and B- Distract you.

Post # 16
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would go, just because it is the first holiday without your dad, and I think it would be good for you to go. I know how I felt when I lost close relatives I didn’t really want to go home but I did and it was good. It was terribly sad but I think it helped alot. And after that, I’d take a break maybe.

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