Issues Surrounding The No Kid Policy

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I think if you have a no kids policy there should be no exceptions. 

Post # 4
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I think it’s easy to make an exception for your FI’s nieces/nephews.

I wouldn’t invite the cousin’s kid though.  THat’s your FI’s second cousin.  The aunt with kids…  Those kids are his cousins.  So you’d allow the second cousin to come, but not the actual cousins.  It doesn’t make sense unless he’s actually close to his second cousin.

Post # 6
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you should make exceptions for anyone other than breast feeding infants. As soon as you make 1 exception, everyone else wants one. If you have a kid free wedding, you have to expect that a lot of people with youngish kids won’t attend.

Post # 7
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Neices and nephews are immediate family and it is standard for them to attend, regardless of their age. The same goes for the bride and groom’s children, if any. But beyond that, once you start making exceptions for 1 child, you have created a messy situation for yourself.

Post # 8
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think any exceptions should be made to a rule. 

My approach to this is, we’re having a no-kids wedding. No exceptions. If you want to play games and say you’re not coming because of this, fine by me. Sure it would suck if immediate family doesn’t show but at the end of the day, some weddings just aren’t the place for children. 

Post # 9
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The young children you described have options too…their parents can hire a babysitter or one parent stays home to watch or the parents decline the invite altogether. I don’t understand people who say they their kid must attend a wedding. What if this was a work event? Where would the kids go? Spare me that everyone who usually babysits will attend the wedding. Pretend all your babysitters have work events too. What you do? You hire a sitter or tell your boss (bride and groom) you can’t make it, fill me in later.

Post # 10
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Some ppl make exceptions to try and include children- siblings or immediate family like neices or nephews or breatfed or lap children.  The rule I like to follow is “if I want you at my wedding I will invite you.” 

Post # 11
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Okay, so you’re inviting his cousin’s kid (his second cousins) but not inviting his aunt’s kids (his cousins). I would be upset by this if I was the aunt too. You are picking and choosing which kids can come without any kind of rules.

We invited first cousins who were kids however we drew the line at second cousins period (kids or not). To me it seems strange to allow second cousins who are kids and not first cousins who are kids.

If you truly don’t want his aunt’s kids to come I would draw the line at nieces and nephews and tell his cousin that her kids can’t come. You can’t just pick and choose which kids to invite and expect people to understand.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  .
Post # 12
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

ruphiolis:  There is no all or nothing  rule, though it is aways spouted as the gospel on wedding websites. You are free to invite whomever you like.

Closeness is certainly as valid as blood line when choosing invitees. 

But (and this is the most important) they are also free to decline for whatever reason they see fit, and that includes because lwittle precious was not invited. They are very rude to tell you that though. 

Invite who you want there regardelss of their age.

Post # 13
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s hard, but we’re making no exceptions but for breastfeeding infants (we will have two of those, we’ve actually designated the bridal suite for nursing!) However, I’m of the camp that you should be able to invite some children, but not all. Children are people too. Invite the ones you are closest to, don’t invite the ones you don’t want there. Same as adults. Anyone who doesn’t like it just won’t come, and that’s their perogative.

We’ve put our foot down otherwise, it was really hard and it is making some people upset, but our wedding is late at night (dinner not until 8pm) and I just cannot see that it is a place for children.

Post # 14
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

I vote to make it adults only, across the board. If people don’t care about the most important day of your life, to hire a babysitter, then they’ll just miss out. Anyone who’s making demands on the guest list, want the attention to be on them and their snowflakes and not you. It’s your wedding, so you call the shots. Unless you do, it will become a kiddie party, which you don’t want, with you footing the bill. My family has adult only weddings. Everyone at my daughter’s wedding was 21+, with the exception of her honorary little sister -sixteen and a half, who was a bridesmaid. And only 2 couples cited childcare issues and didn’t attend – 225 attended. That’s why everyone got a save-the-date 10 months out. ARGH!!!  

P.S. The next step will be your FSIL campaigning to have her kids in the wedding party. I have a niece who tried that for years.

Post # 15
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If they won’t come, then it’s their loss. Invite the people you’d like to see at your wedding, and if they can’t or won’t come, enjoy the day with the people who did show up. If anyone is rude to tell you why, directly or through other parties, just say, “Well, we’re sorry to miss out on them, but we understand.”

Having a party for adults is normal, although parents skipping the party is also normal.

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