Post # 1
I am going to bring up a general issue about the no kid policy. I imagine it’s fairly common among others as well.
Tonight my fiance told me that his dad and he were talking about how his sister won’t come to our wedding if her 2 young children cannot come. He apparently said “You’re sister ain’t coming if ____ and _____ aren’t invited”. I don’t really like that attitude. We have a general adults only policy that we will apply because our wedding venue is small and it’s $30 per plate. HOWEVER, I want her to come and I am not opposed to her kids coming. Her children (though one will be 1 by the time we marry and I am worried about him crying mid ceremony) are both welcome to come. My fiances cousin with a 2 year old is also welcome to come. I completely understand that they don’t want to drive 2 hours to our wedding and have to deal with a babysitter. They are family after all and I would feel bad.
But…He does have an aunt with kids who fall into the 8-14 range and she won’t come unless they can come. Her husband is not a social person and will be staying at home yet she STILL won’t come if we don’t invite them. I have a problem with this. She wants them to see our wedding. I get that but I just can’t add anyone else to our list of 150 people. I also want to stick to the adults only policy as much as I can to be fair. I don’t think that 3 children who have no other options would matter but her children have a babysitter that can watch them (their own father).
I am so annoyed and needed to vent. What should I do? I am at a loss.
This topic was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by ruphiolis.
Post # 2
I think if you have a no kids policy there should be no exceptions.
Post # 3
cls9q: Since my future sister in law actually hasn’t been the nicest, I think I won’t be too sad to do that. Thanks for a definitive response.
Post # 4
I think it’s easy to make an exception for your FI’s nieces/nephews.
I wouldn’t invite the cousin’s kid though. THat’s your FI’s second cousin. The aunt with kids… Those kids are his cousins. So you’d allow the second cousin to come, but not the actual cousins. It doesn’t make sense unless he’s actually close to his second cousin.
Post # 5
Apple_Blossom: It’s annoying because the aunt is actually the half sister of his dad. I just feel like anyone’s guests are going to act this way when it comes to their children. Her children are “grown” and if she wants to miss out on our wedding for a night with them so be it! Gotta pick my battles..
Post # 6
I don’t think you should make exceptions for anyone other than breast feeding infants. As soon as you make 1 exception, everyone else wants one. If you have a kid free wedding, you have to expect that a lot of people with youngish kids won’t attend.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Neices and nephews are immediate family and it is standard for them to attend, regardless of their age. The same goes for the bride and groom’s children, if any. But beyond that, once you start making exceptions for 1 child, you have created a messy situation for yourself.
Post # 8
I don’t think any exceptions should be made to a rule.
My approach to this is, we’re having a no-kids wedding. No exceptions. If you want to play games and say you’re not coming because of this, fine by me. Sure it would suck if immediate family doesn’t show but at the end of the day, some weddings just aren’t the place for children.
Post # 9
The young children you described have options too…their parents can hire a babysitter or one parent stays home to watch or the parents decline the invite altogether. I don’t understand people who say they their kid must attend a wedding. What if this was a work event? Where would the kids go? Spare me that everyone who usually babysits will attend the wedding. Pretend all your babysitters have work events too. What you do? You hire a sitter or tell your boss (bride and groom) you can’t make it, fill me in later.
Post # 10
Some ppl make exceptions to try and include children- siblings or immediate family like neices or nephews or breatfed or lap children. The rule I like to follow is “if I want you at my wedding I will invite you.”
Post # 11
Okay, so you’re inviting his cousin’s kid (his second cousins) but not inviting his aunt’s kids (his cousins). I would be upset by this if I was the aunt too. You are picking and choosing which kids can come without any kind of rules.
We invited first cousins who were kids however we drew the line at second cousins period (kids or not). To me it seems strange to allow second cousins who are kids and not first cousins who are kids.
If you truly don’t want his aunt’s kids to come I would draw the line at nieces and nephews and tell his cousin that her kids can’t come. You can’t just pick and choose which kids to invite and expect people to understand.
Post # 12
ruphiolis: There is no all or nothing rule, though it is aways spouted as the gospel on wedding websites. You are free to invite whomever you like.
Closeness is certainly as valid as blood line when choosing invitees.
But (and this is the most important) they are also free to decline for whatever reason they see fit, and that includes because lwittle precious was not invited. They are very rude to tell you that though.
Invite who you want there regardelss of their age.
Post # 13
It’s hard, but we’re making no exceptions but for breastfeeding infants (we will have two of those, we’ve actually designated the bridal suite for nursing!) However, I’m of the camp that you should be able to invite some children, but not all. Children are people too. Invite the ones you are closest to, don’t invite the ones you don’t want there. Same as adults. Anyone who doesn’t like it just won’t come, and that’s their perogative.
We’ve put our foot down otherwise, it was really hard and it is making some people upset, but our wedding is late at night (dinner not until 8pm) and I just cannot see that it is a place for children.
Post # 14
I vote to make it adults only, across the board. If people don’t care about the most important day of your life, to hire a babysitter, then they’ll just miss out. Anyone who’s making demands on the guest list, want the attention to be on them and their snowflakes and not you. It’s your wedding, so you call the shots. Unless you do, it will become a kiddie party, which you don’t want, with you footing the bill. My family has adult only weddings. Everyone at my daughter’s wedding was 21+, with the exception of her honorary little sister -sixteen and a half, who was a bridesmaid. And only 2 couples cited childcare issues and didn’t attend – 225 attended. That’s why everyone got a save-the-date 10 months out. ARGH!!!
P.S. The next step will be your FSIL campaigning to have her kids in the wedding party. I have a niece who tried that for years.
Post # 15
If they won’t come, then it’s their loss. Invite the people you’d like to see at your wedding, and if they can’t or won’t come, enjoy the day with the people who did show up. If anyone is rude to tell you why, directly or through other parties, just say, “Well, we’re sorry to miss out on them, but we understand.”
Having a party for adults is normal, although parents skipping the party is also normal.