Issues w/ FSIL over her Daughters' dresses :/

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@IrishBeachBride2014:  I would let your FSIL try to find something in the same vein. If she comes back with something that is totally outside your vision, maybe explain to her that the style/color/whatever would clash with the rest of the bridal party. I would try to find a way to draw parallels between what the girls are wearing and being a bridesmaid- sure, you have some input but ultimately you wear what goes with the rest of the bride’s vision for the day. 

Post # 4
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Why not just let them get white dresses they like, and they can pay? If it is informal anyway, as long as shes not picking something crazy. Just tell her to shoot you a photo beforehand. 

Post # 5
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@IrishBeachBride2014:  If you are paying for the dresses, you get the final say.

You have a number of choices:

If it’s really important to you that they wear a dress of your choosing, you can give FSIL the ultimatum- “My choice or they aren”t in the wedding”.

If your future relationship with your FSIl is more important, you can suggest that the two of you (with or without the girls) choose a dress together, with the proviso that you have the final say.

Another option is to let her choose a dress, run it by you for final approval and she pays.

 

Post # 7
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If it’s informal, and they are not really in the bridal party, they should get to pick their own dresses.  I mean, at 12 years old?!  Definitely.

Post # 9
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If they dont want to dress as you want, then they can decline bieng in wedding party, and wear what they want.

Post # 10
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@IrishBeachBride2014:  I would tell FSIL that she can choose their outfits, but then you are unable to pay. I agree that you shouldn’t have to pay for something without seeing it.

In my opinion, when someone has a small part in the wedding but is not in the wedding party (e.g. usher, reader, parent of the bride or groom), you don’t pick their outfit, you just trust them to dress appropriately.

If the 12 year old tomboy has a “small part” in the wedding, I see no problem with her wearing a nice shirt and pants. (And make that clear to her mother, so a dress isn’t necessary but she doesn’t wear denim or shorts).

Post # 11
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

you found a job so that they won’t feel left out, but have they said that they would feel left out if they didn’t have a job? 

If you only did it for them, well, pick the dresses together.

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