Post # 1
Help! I’ve tried to NOT be a bridezilla here, but I’m about to be pushed over my limit! We are having a very informal beach wedding in March, so much that we aren’t having a traditional wedding party w/ bridesmaids, flower girls, etc. In an effort to make my FSIL and FMIL happy, I found simple jobs for my fiance’s 2 nieces to do so they won’t feel left out. I told my FSIL that we were taking care of thier dresses (very simple white, cotton, eyelet sundresses that are modest and age appropirate for each girl, 7 and 12). As a courtesy, I sent the 4 options I was choosing between to my FSIL, who in turn showed the girls. I’ve now learned through my FMIL that the girls or FSIL don’t like the options. So, I sent them other options. Again, no luck. While I can’t imagine ever telling a bride NO to her choices (especially when she’s paying for them) my FSIL is insisitng she shop for the dresses now. Am I within etiquete to insit I will pick the dresses? Should’nt my FSIL tell her girls they don’t have an option if they want to be a part of our wedding? I realize these girls are used to getting hteir way, but at the expense of my wedding?
Post # 3
@IrishBeachBride2014: I would let your FSIL try to find something in the same vein. If she comes back with something that is totally outside your vision, maybe explain to her that the style/color/whatever would clash with the rest of the bridal party. I would try to find a way to draw parallels between what the girls are wearing and being a bridesmaid- sure, you have some input but ultimately you wear what goes with the rest of the bride’s vision for the day.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Why not just let them get white dresses they like, and they can pay? If it is informal anyway, as long as shes not picking something crazy. Just tell her to shoot you a photo beforehand.
Post # 5
@IrishBeachBride2014: If you are paying for the dresses, you get the final say.
You have a number of choices:
If it’s really important to you that they wear a dress of your choosing, you can give FSIL the ultimatum- “My choice or they aren”t in the wedding”.
If your future relationship with your FSIl is more important, you can suggest that the two of you (with or without the girls) choose a dress together, with the proviso that you have the final say.
Another option is to let her choose a dress, run it by you for final approval and she pays.
Post # 6
The problem Im running into is my FSIL won’t let me in on what the girls do’nt like about the dresses. She honestly beleives the girls should get to pick their dresses. Why I’m not one to tell someone how to parent their children, how do I let her know she needs to take that desiciion out of their hands so I do’nt end up with the tomboy wearing jean shorts and the little one in a overly fancy, frilly ballgorwn that’s too mature for her (which is what the 7 yr old is wanting)
Post # 7
If it’s informal, and they are not really in the bridal party, they should get to pick their own dresses. I mean, at 12 years old?! Definitely.
Post # 8
While there is no bridal party, they are a part of the ceremony, so I’d like them to fit in with the wedding as much as possible. Also, the 12 yr old just doesn’t want to wear a dress, which isn’t an option.
Post # 9
If they dont want to dress as you want, then they can decline bieng in wedding party, and wear what they want.
Post # 10
@IrishBeachBride2014: I would tell FSIL that she can choose their outfits, but then you are unable to pay. I agree that you shouldn’t have to pay for something without seeing it.
In my opinion, when someone has a small part in the wedding but is not in the wedding party (e.g. usher, reader, parent of the bride or groom), you don’t pick their outfit, you just trust them to dress appropriately.
If the 12 year old tomboy has a “small part” in the wedding, I see no problem with her wearing a nice shirt and pants. (And make that clear to her mother, so a dress isn’t necessary but she doesn’t wear denim or shorts).
Post # 11
you found a job so that they won’t feel left out, but have they said that they would feel left out if they didn’t have a job?
If you only did it for them, well, pick the dresses together.
Post # 12
Yes, it was made very clear by my FMIL and FSIL that the girls would be very upset if they didn’t get to be a part of the wedding. I’m afraid the issue is that my FSIL just simply wants to be in charge of their outfits. I have tried asking what in particular they don’t like about the dresses, but my FSIL won’t give me an answer, only that she would prefer to pick out the dresses.