- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
This is going to be fairly long winded, so I apologise.
I have always struggled with my weight. I have always been chubby. I have always been dieting on and off. Gaining weight, losing weight, binging, starving.
My DH is super fit. He LOVES to work out and food isn’t an issue for him. He doesn’t see food as anything more than a necessity to live.
I enjoy working out a few times a week. Some nights though I enjoy watching a little tv, painting my nails and chilling out. Food is a problem for me, I think about food and eating way too much. I know this.
DH and I separated last year after months and months of problems. We moved back in together late last year and earlier this year I decided to *improve* myself. I joined a gym and started working out every night. I also went on a strict low carb diet. I lost almost 30 pounds.
I was happy I had lost weight but was burnt out. I had injured myself but kept working out. I was always hungry and thinking about my next meal, foods I could have, foods I couldn’t have etc. I stopped going out with friends because I wanted to avoid the temptation of eating. I haven’t had a period in months.
One day the intense hunger I had took over and I binged. The next day I binged again, and again, and again. This has been going on and off for a few weeks now. At first I hid it from DH but eventually broke down and told him what I had been doing. He was supportive, but didn’t comfort me in the way that I had hoped.
He has never been the kind of partner to hug me and tell me everything will be ok and he will love me no matter what. He creates action plans, and tries to motivate me to help myself. I appreciate that but at the same time I feel like he doesn’t understand that it isn’t as easy as just exercising and not overeating. It isn’t black and white for me (although I wish it was).
I have gained some weight and am trying to find a healthy balance with good eating habits, regular exercise and me time. I am struggling though.
DH is trying to be supportive, but at the same time keeps saying little things which make me feel like sh*t. For instance, he tweeted me this morning a motivational quote about going to the gym and I felt like it was a stab because I didn’t work out yesterday. I also know DH and I know it was meant to be a positive push, but I feel judged which in turn makes me feel anxious and then I want to stuff my face.
I need to get better for me, not because he is bullying me in to it.