(Closed) Recently divorced mom bringing random guy?

posted 7 years ago in Weddingbee
  • poll: What to do with random guy?
    Let him come and escort my mom at the introduction : (3 votes)
    13 %
    Let him come but keep him out of the way as much as possible : (12 votes)
    52 %
    Have him stay home : (8 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2154 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Why not have your mom and dad escorted by a GM and BM, respectively? That’s pretty normal, from what I’ve seen.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    First of all, sorry for your situation and the awkward position your folks have put you in. I think that it’s more than fair to say no dates for parents. There will be other siblings/family/friends that are there that are on their respective ‘sides’ so your mother shouldn’t feel as if she’ll be all alone and your father shouldn’t feel that he should be able to bring the other woman along if that’s against your wishes. You sound as if you’ve been very mature about the whole thing and seeking solutions as a group and they just won’t go along with it, so you and your FI should decide what you two prefer and then just tell them that that’s how it is.

    For intros, could you maybe escort your mother in (then go to your dad), have the bride’s parents come in together, and then you walk in next to your dad? (This way your sisters do not have to be involved and there is no favoring of sides.) Or, can you do the intro of the party and such at the beginning, and then make special thank you toasts to your parents at the beginning of dinner (having them stand for recognition) so that there is equal attention to all 4 parents, but no physical interaction or presentation timing to sort out?

    Post # 5
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    So sorry for your situation.  I would also have Randy stay home.  Your mom will have other family and/or friends to support her at your wedding.  I understand that it will be a difficult day for her, but she should recognize that this day should be focussed on supporting you.

    If she is insistent, I would sit her down and tell her what an awkward position this puts you in.  You should not be expected to meet and accept the relationship your mom and Randy have on your wedding day.  You should be focussed on getting married and enjoying a drama free day.

    For introductions, I would let each of them choose a family member to walk in with them.  If they don’t have anyone, they can either walk in alone or not be introduced.  If your mom wants suggestions, you could have a usher walk with her or a sibling.

    Hope this helps and that your situation gets worked out soon!

    Post # 6
    Member
    981 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    This sounds incredibly difficult and I’m sorry you have to deal with it! I would let your mom bring Randy. She has probably had an incredibly crappy year, and if having a date at the wedding lets her keep a little bit of her pride, just let her have it. Everyone is going to be noticing the tension between your parents anyway, Randy or no Randy. And I would skip the introductions all together if possible! It may be best to keep your mom and dad far apart (and actually, Randy might be a good buffer to help this).

    Post # 7
    Member
    3142 posts
    Sugar bee

    @KitKatNYC:

    What she said.  Even if Randy seems to have a bad track record at this point, that is really besides the point.  Your Mum probably just needs to have someone on her arm for this day.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    572 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I voted for Randy staying home.  This was the rule from day 1, she accepted it so she should go along with it.  The only alternate is to let Randy come but keep him out of the spotlight as much as possible and let your dad bring a date.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5894 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I can’t imagine what you are going through. Maybe you can write a letter to your Mom and not make it about Randy, but about the two of you.

    Dear Mom,

    I know this past year has been horrible for you. I can’t imagine what you are feeling and how difficult just making it to the next day is. I want to do everything I can to support you through this hard time. Although it may not feel like it to you, I know you are a strong woman who will make it through and come out the other side better and stronger.

    The wedding isn’t going to be what we both thought it was going to be. I know it’ll be uncomfortable having to deal with Dad on a day that should be filled with joy. I really appreciate that you are willing to come and share that day with us, even if it will be painful for you.

    I really need you to be there for me and I want this to be a special time for you and me—for us. I don’t know if that will be possible if you bring someone that I don’t know very well. I will be more concerned about getting to know him, than focusing on the wedding. He is obviously a special person in your life and I want to embrace that (and yes, get used to it), but not around my wedding.

    Is it possible that we (me, your brother, etc) can give you the support you need so that you can focus your energy on me? I know I’m being kinda selfish, but “I need my Mommy” more than ever and it would mean the world to me if you came without Randy.

    Love your Bride Daughter

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