(Closed) Issues with FFIL

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Tell Fiance you were reading an article or find an article and just ask him.  I mean you are marrying this man and you should be able to talk to him about everything.  It’s a hard concept on some of the embarassing things, but who else are you going to talk to about your concerns. 

Post # 4
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think it’s any of your business if your Future Father-In-Law does this. You should talk to your Fiance and ask him if he does, but I don’t think you should ask about your Future Father-In-Law.

Post # 6
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I already commented on the other thread, but i want to comment here too.

I think you really need to let this go.

These are my reasons why.

1) It’s his house.

2) It’s his vice and you don’t know how or if he struggles with it, or what kind of guilt he feels about it.  

3) As much as it disgusts you, it’s really not your place to judge him for it.  That’s something between him and his God.

I think what worries me the most in your post is this:

Fiance and I have never discussed our feelings on pornography; I’ve just assumed it’s off limits. We’ve both waited until marriage, but we’ve done things that we shouldn’t have. He can be pretty vulgar at times, though I’ve explained to him how unattractive it is and he tries to keep in mind I’m not just “one of the guys.” But I have no idea now considering what I know what he’s been raised to believe about sex

That’s a convo you should totally have before marriage! Nothing should be off limits  conversation wise in a marriage! (Personally, I don’t agree with waiting till marriage because (to me) sex is very important and being on the same page with your partner is so important in order to have a healthy and happy sex life.  But, i get why you’re waiting and why it’s important to you. ) If I were you, i’d prolly use the Wedding bee as a starting point and say “I read this thread, yada yada yada”… and let the conversation progress from there.  Depending on how his views go, you might feel able to share what you found. But if he’s 100% against it and disgusted, i wouldn’t mention it because you mighy damage the relationship between him and his dad.

Post # 8
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@tirralirra:  Ahhh, that makes more sense, (porn being a nono but not the talking).  Oops! Sorry to mis read!  

I hope everything works out! 

Post # 9
1077 posts
Bumble bee

Hypocrisy can be extremely frustrating, especially when it comes from people who claim some kind of superiority. I would be very careful in “outing” your Future Father-In-Law and would advise against it. Either his whole family already knows (as you’ve theorized) and are letting sleeping dogs lie or they just aren’t very tech saavy and just don’t know. As someone who married into the family and already caused some waves (totally silly waves btw) with the denomination shift you could quickly become the scapegoat. 


As far as talking to your Fiance, I say just ask him! Open communication is so important. If you’re looking to cover for why you were thinking about this why not say that someone wrote a post on the Bee about it and it got you thinking?


Post # 10
10770 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I need to be honest here. I don’t think you should be alone with Future Father-In-Law if he’s doing that out in the open when you are around. I think you need to set up some serious boundaries in order to protect yourself from any number of possible gross situations. 


. This isn’t about him watching porn, it’s about inappropriate sexual activity and a serious lack of boundaries. i agree that you shouldnt say anything about what youve found to the family, but i would tell someone you trust.

then you need to talk to Fiance and make sure you are in the same page re your feelings on the general issue. 

Im really sorry this happened to you. I agree with PP re not judging, but you can be kind and still be safe. 


Post # 11
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@MrsVandykins:  Agree.


And I’ll add one thing for the OP. You should not be planning a wedding with someone and you don’t know what their views on sex are. I don’t have a problem with men watching porn. I just don’t care as long as it doesn’t take away from being able to have a healthy sex life within the confines of a MARRIAGE (and I say that because we didn’t have sex before marriage and I think that’s where a sexual relationship belongs). However, you’re ready to judge this man because of his views on porn, but you’ve admitted to doing some things with your Fiance that you probably shouldn’t have. I’ll use my imagination, but that may mean that you’ve done everything but penetrate. You’re in no better position than Future Father-In-Law is and you don’t want to come off complaining about your Future Father-In-Law and sounding like a hypocrite in the same conversation, do you?



Post # 13
24 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009
Post # 14
24 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009



Post # 16
24 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009

To TirraLirra: You have every right to
feel concerned or uncomfortable ecspecially If he claims to be an
individual who represents God! Thats something detestable to God, as a
leader one must set an example that can be followed.


Granted we all are imperfect but thats still something that has to be
addressed. The Bible clearly speaks against this, heres just a few
(Psalm 119:37) (Matthew 5:28,29); (Colossians 3:5).Those scriptures clearly indicate that its very wrong to do this & how we must fight against the urge.

So my advice to you is 1st pray about it in order to find the right words to say and then bring it to your future husbands attention & maybe he will approach his father about the matter and I noticed you also stated you would like more information on that subject heres a website that has much more Bible based articles on this subject I hope this helps please feel free to visit http://www.jw.org.












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