Issues with Friends – What Should I Do?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

i’d be direct. like “hey, i noticed that x and x and i saw you doing x whrn you said youw ent to the gym. i hate to create drama and it isn’t my intention, but i wanna know, did i do anything wrong? was i offensive? please tell me cause i have no idea!”

Post # 4
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@peonyinlove:  I’ve been in this situation before.  I know that it is frustrating, but sometimes this happens for no reason at all.  I’m dealing with this now.  I used to have a TIGHT knit group of friends, used to love hanging out and was always on the invite list.  ALWAYS.

Then one girl, who I really like, went through a break up…and sometimes I feel like she basically stole my friends!!!  UGH!  We all do hang out but it’s not as frequent as it used to be and it’s sooooooo hard to not feel left out when they all mention that they’ve been hanging out together.

Some of this is my fault too.  I put a higher value on my relationship with my SO than I do my friends…so I know I’ve been guilty about turning down invites.  If you turn them down to often, you won’t get the invite at all.

Are you just casually texting and checking in?  If so, then maybe try something that is more of an invite.   ‘OMG I’m bored and need girl time!  Anyone avail anytime soon?’ This way it’s clear that you want to hang out.  

Something else I’ve worked on-I got new friends!  I made a new BFF, and this helped a LOT.  I was going to parties feeling a little left out for a while, then I starting inviting my new BFF along (SO too) and well, changed the dynamic a little bit.

Friendships ebb and flow and I’m sorry for your situation.  Try to not take it personal and please try to not get your feelings hurt and cry.  Sometimes…well, girls can be mean and catty and who knows WHAT they are bonding over.  Are you in a happy relationship?  Maybe they are not and are jealous.  Are you leaving soon/going back home and they are staying?  Maybe they are preparing for you to leave so it doesn’t hurt as bad.  Just speculating here.

Hang in there and good luck!

Post # 5
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

That’s definitely frustrating.

If you were really close to those 3 original girls, I’d just bring it up. Make a coffee date and insist until most are able to make it. Then just be direct and ask if everything is okay between you. You were wondering because you’ve been feeling left out.

Maybe it’s not something intentional on their part and they haven’t realized they were excluding you. Maybe they don’t know you’re bothered by this. Maybe there is something wrong that needs addressed. I don’t know, but they do – so you need to just ask them.

Post # 8
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Are they all single?  Maybe they like to all hang out together because they’re single and don’t think you’d like to join them. 

Post # 9
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

you just need to ask. tell them you miss hanging out with them as much and you noticed that theyve been hanging out without you and you just want to know why and if it’s something you did.

Post # 11
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@peonyinlove:  that really sucks, there’s nothing more hurtful than feeling left out! 🙁 good luck trying to figure this out!

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