Issues with my older sister and I need advice.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

FB has privacy settings, USE THEM!  Block her completely actually, do not give her any outlet to get info.  And otherwise just block all contact – don’t take her calls, or texts, block those too.  I know it’s hard but blood does not give anyone the right to do these things to you!!

Post # 4
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Sounds like a miserable person.  I’d block her and cut her off.

Post # 5
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@sc0628:  I agree with most PPs. I think it is time to cut her out of your life. Why should you put up with this? Don’t talk to her. Just let her make herself look bad. There is not much else you can do. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sc0628:  don’t block her, that will just cause more drama. FB has a “Restricted” list – the person is still your friend and can still see some things on your profile, but almost everything stays hidden. And then you hide her from your NewsFeed so that you don’t see what she writes and aren’t tempted to respond. When she brings things up from your past to mock you, smile and stay quiet or change the subject. She can’t argue with someone who won’t talk back! Talking and arguing back just makes you look as bad as she does. Don’t feed the negativity.

Post # 8
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I still say block her, if she wants to use it, let her but don’t worry about it.  Blocking is different than deleting because if you block someone they can’t see any traces of you on FB – if you have mutual friends in common they won’t see if you post, or like, or do anything and she won’t be able to access your profile pic or cover photo as someone just searching for you would.  I had to do this with my ex-FIL who was stalking me and it made a world of difference!

Post # 9
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

Just because she is bioligically related to you doesn’t mean you have to put up with this kind of thing.

I’d make a clean break from her, delete her from your fb, don’t read her blog, don’t keep mutual contacts, leave her in your past. Maybe in the future she will mature and want to make amends, and maybe you’ll be open to considering that (or maybe not, you’re not obligated to give her any more chances), but for now, there seems no benefit to keeping a connection with her, only pain.

Post # 11
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@sc0628:  Are people believing what she is saying about you?

Post # 12
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@sc0628:  Why do you need to do the paternity testing? Is it for benefits relating to his passing or is it because you really just want to know for sure? And is there any other family member of his that you can ask to help instead?

As for your sister, don’t respond to her. Don’t text her, don’t call her, don’t email, and don’t message her on any social network. Same thing goes for your kids and husband. Other posters have given you the same (very good) advice – do not engage her. If you don’t argue with her then she has nothing to point to as she cries “Woe is me!”

If need be then you should change your phone numbers and email addresses. She’ll still know where you live, you can’t change that easily, but it will make it a bit harder for her to get at you. And if she sends you a letter through the mail, you can always send it back unopened.

Post # 14
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I can’t even… I am sorry you’re dealing with this BS.  There has never been much “family” in my life other than my mother, father, and sister.  So it’s very easy for me to not give two craps about other people (aunts, uncles, friends, etc).  I think that if my sister started spreading lies about me, and those people believed her, then I wouldn’t want anything to do with them anyways.  I know cutting people out is easier said than done.  But it would be a cold day in Hell before my sister heard ANYTHING from me or my family.  She wouldn’t be a “friend” on Facebook (IDGAF about drama she causes – it’s her problem NOT MINE!).  She wouldn’t be invited to any important family events (birthdays, etc), and she would forget my face before we saw each other again. 

If you can’t delete her from Facebook, don’t you dare let her make you feel bad for posting positive things in your life!  You should be PROUD and PRIDEFUL of those things you and your husband have worked so hard for.  How dare she make you feel shame or fear of posting those things for those who actually care about you to see on Facebook?  

And oh don’t get me started on her husband calling you and giving you crap.  If my sister’s husband called me and tried giving me any kind of crap for ANY kind of reason, there would be really really really really big problems.  You are a saint.

Post # 15
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@sc0628:  Good! Don’t send her your new address or new phone numbers then. That will make it more difficult for her to get to you. Just be very careful who you do share that information with, since she could wind up getting it through them instead.

I’m really sorry about this whole situation. It is not petty at all to want to know who you are and where you come from. Does your alleged Bio Dad have any other living biological family members you could get a DNA sample from? It would cut out the need to involve your sister.

As for the rest of your follow-up:

There really isn’t anything you can do to change their minds. Her MIL is obviously going to believe your sister over you, especially if her son believe her as well. The only thing you can do is refuse to rise to the bait your sister dangles in front of you. She wants to stir up drama and she wants to look like the victim. . . if you give in and engage her then you are only giving her what she wants.

I know it sucks to have your reputation dragged through the mud. It isn’t fair, especially because it’s your sister doing it. Your DH and kids know the truth though and that’s a very good thing. Keep your head up and do your best.

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