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First, it's mean and ridiculous that your FMIL won't call her own guests. If she's really firm on this an won't call then I think you have to bite the bullet and have your FI call them. Tell them that you only planned for X number of guests and cannot accommodate the additional people.
Do not mention the expense (because that usually prompts the rude to offer to pay), simply say that your venue can only hold so many people and there isn't enough space for the additional people.
it is not at all fair. FMIL may be too embarrased or at a loss for appropriate language to call her friends and curtail the additional invites. Have your FI speak with her and explain again that you want to be fair to all your guests and have already had to speak to your cousins (family) about additional guests. It would be terrifically rude, and reflect poorly on you as hosts, if others brought extra guests. It may help to share the language you used with your cousins to give her some ideas on what to say. If she is still resistant, tell her that either she can call or you/FI will. That may spur her to call, or at least clear the way for you to do so. Since you two don't really know them, it may be a bit strange, but you don't have the existing relationship to get in the way. :)
Hey, since you don't even know these people, you're sort of at an advantage - you don't really have to feel bad about telling them they can't bring their extras. I agree that if FMIL won't call, FI is the second-in-line (his job to handle his family and their issues). I think that since you already, asked FMIL to call, you're good to handle it yourself. If you think there is any way she might step up, go ahead and let her know that you and FI will be calling them, since she's not able. Otherwise, dial away!
Hey, you know, since you really don't know them, they don't know your voices on the phone. You could pretend to be someone else - the wedding coordinator, for instance. Just a thought...
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Our RSVPs are due this week and we got 2 more reply cards yesterday with people adding on guests (one couple added their 3-year-old) and a friend of the family is bringing her kids and her daughter's boyfriend. We called my future mother-in-law last night (these are people she invited and they're friends, not family.
Well, my FMIL agrees that this is incredibly rude of her friends to do, but refuses to call them! I don't know these people and my fiance barely knows them.
We already had to tell our teenage cousins that they couldn't bring their boyfriends/girlfriends and they are family. This isn't fair ... why should this other girl (who we don't even know) get to bring her boyfriend -- and she is about the same age?
AUGH.