Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley
I was so silly to think this wasn’t going to be an issue while planning our “Adult Only Wedding”. As it turns out, 9 couples are having babies in the months leading up to our wedding. This includes bridal party, family, and close friends. We’re getting married out of town and the guest rooms are actually condos set up like homes. I’ve talked to several of my pregnant friends who have stated that they are coming and they’re bringing a sitter with them.
I received an email from FI’s cousin, asking if she can bring her TWINS (they’ll be 2 months old by then) to our wedding. Not sure what to do with this. I could “make an exception”, but then what about all the other breastfeeding babies? I do NOT want 15 babies at the wedding. I feel she should either a.) Bring a sitter. Which most people are doing. The wedding will take place at the same location as the guest rooms, so moms can easily go back to feed, check on said kiddos, or leave early. Or b.) not come to the wedding. My feelings wouldn’t be hurt. If I wasn’t comfortable being away from my child, I’d stay home.
Am I supposed to make an exception for one couple because they ask? If so do I tell the other couples who have made other arrangements that it now ok? I’m not trying to force a mother to leave her child, but I don’t want to be forced to have a bunch of kids/babies at our wedding. One exception creates a messy situation. Where do we draw the line? 2 months, 3, 4, or 6 months? And then will we have to watch FI’s sister explode because we’ve already told her that her kids 4 & 8 y/o can’t come. Ay! Headache!
Post # 3
Can you hire a sitter or two? It seems a lot that all these people are bringing their own sitters because your wedding is Adult only. That has nothing to do with you… I just personally wouldn’t bring a sitter with me. I would, hoewever, be thrilled if there were a sitter or two available during the reception.
We have lots of guests with kids under 2, and they all elected to leave their kids at home with a sitter. In my circle, no one ever brought their own sitter to a wedding… maybe that’s why it’s weird to me?
Post # 4
Hugs and good luck to you-I’m afraid I don’t have much advice. I would think with babies (2!) that young, you’d have to make an exception. Just my opinion.
Would you consider offering to arrange for a sitter for her? 2 months is awfully young, but if they’re very close by the ceremony, maybe it’s a possibility?
Post # 5
We drew the line with breastfeeding, regardless of age. Some babies refuse to take a bottle if they’re used to being nursed. The mother always has the option to decline the wedding invitation, but we did allow breastfeeding infants and they were less of a distraction than DH’s drunk rugby team mates.
Post # 6
@KDOS: I had planned on making an exception for breastfeeding babies at our “Adults only” wedding, but when I discussed that with my close friends, all who have at least one child, they changed my mind. They all said that they would have gladly taken the night off to go to a wedding and I should not “bend the rule” for breastfeeding babies. I decided to take their advice, and with that said, I did have two couple send their regrets because of it. I was not upset though, I understood their decision completely. Everyone has to make a decision that is best for them so just be prepared for some regrets if you do not allow kids!
Post # 7
I’m a nurse and I know it’s extremely common to have a C-Section, with the delivery of twins. I certainly wouldn’t be attending a wedding 2 months after major surgery (although many twins arrive early, so they could be older than 2 months, at your wedding).
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Having kids is a responsibility that you take on as a parent. The entire world does not have to accommodate your kids. If you get an invitation to an adults only party then you have three choices: 1) leave the baby with relatives; 2) hire a sitter; or 3) decline the invitation. It’s rude as all get out to ask if you can still bring your baby.
Breastfeeding is awesome but in this situation they could leave the baby at the condo with a sitter and attend the wedding for a few hours then head back to their room. Then it’s really no different than a date night out.
We’ve actually planned our pregnancy around a friend’s wedding next year because we don’t want to tote a breasfeeding child on an 8+ hour plane ride then to a swanky white tie wedding but we also don’t want to miss it either. It’s the parents’ responsibility to figure out what to do with their baby or decline the invitation.
Post # 9
@KDOS: We’re drawing the line at breastfeeding, because it’s tough for a baby (who didn’t ask to be born!) to switch food types. It’s also unfair to ask our loved ones to put off their families because we want a mostly adult wedding.
We’re providing sitters and gracefully accepting declines, but we will be sad, because we do want everyone who’s invited to be there.
It’s a tough situation, but ultimately, it’s your call.
Post # 10
@KDOS: Do you think it is feasible/affordable for all your affected friends to bring a babysitter? I know you don’t mind if they can’t come, but it seems kind of inconsiderate that they are excluded based on their infant’s needs (assuming they are breastfeeding).
Post # 11
I’m having the same dilemma… well not quite yet because invitations haven’t even gone out- but I am anticipating having the same dilemma! While it is a personal preference of ours for the ceremony and reception to be adults only, it is also now a safety issue. The reception venue we booked is actually flat out dangerous for kiddos (stairs and balconies and glass, oh my) so I know I will have to be firm. I think the only option for us is to actually talk to our guests with young children and explain the situation and to also have it posted on our wedding website. A lot of the feedback we’ve received is that they would actually welcome a night off!
We’ll give them the option of making their own arrangements with grandparents or sitters (like the majority of your guests have done from the sound of it) or opting for childcare services that we will arrange for the wedding day.
You are absolutely correct that it will be a slippery slope if you start making exceptions now, and it will be a total mess to backtrack and unbanish all of the other babies. I would stay firm and explain to your FI’s cousin that while you are so sorry you can’t accomodate her lovely twins, you can recommend experienced sitters in the area (or even better, tell her you have already arranged for a few to be on hand) and that you truly hope she will be able to attend.
Post # 12
@KDOS: It is not impolite for you not to invite children to your wedding. It is also not impolite for guests with children to decline your invitation as a result. These things happen.
You do not have to make an exception, but if you do, I might suggest drawing the line at breastfeeding. It can be difficult for breastfeeding mothers to leave their babies, and infants don’t really pose a threat to your venue the way walking-age children can. Plus, that’s a pretty clear line in the sand that most parents should be able to understand.
Post # 13
@PABride: I agree.
Honestly, I don’t think she’ll want to travel that soon after having them eiher unless they ARE born super early. Twins take a while to get into the swing of things from what I’ve heard.
I’d hold steady, maybe offer to hire a sitter (I think tha would be the best thing for EVERYONE) but don’t allow them at the wedding. It WILL look bad to the other parents that an exception was made and you don’t want them there. Just be sure to make her feel totally comfortable declining if she so chooses.
Post # 14
@KDOS: Don’t make exceptions, you don’t want kids there and it’s a perfect oprotunity to let them know, since they asked they are almost expecting you to say no. You can word it: Thank you for your concern, no – we aren’t having children at the wedding or receiption, but several women who are nursing have on their own hired nanny’s so it won’t upset the evening.
Besides, it will hurt feelings of people that have already made arrangements/expenses.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I think you either allow breast-feeding babies, or not. It would be weird to cut it off at a certain month.
I find it hard to believe that keeping the wedding adult-free is more important than having your bridal party, family, and close friends there… but if it is, then you just stick to your guns and those 10-20 people won’t be there.
Post # 16
@KDOS: we have 2 couples coming to ours with babies. We have made it adults only but said ok as these 2 are young (9mths and 2 mths) and we don’t expect them to be comfortable leaving them with a sitter.