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I would have said no as well! This isn't the day you want to be meeting random people off the street!
Well, not random, but I think you know what I mean. lol.
I am sorry that sucks!
May I ask what your +1 rules are/were? I am only asking this because she is living with this guy and I know that I would be insulted if I wasn't invited to a wedding that FI was invited too when we were living together but not engaged for 5.5 years.
To look at the bright side at least they are not asking to bring him ON TOP of all the invited guests replying yes!
May I ask what you said to FIs cousin's request?
I'd just be like, Oh, that's unfortunate but it looks like we're going to be right at our limit with RSVPs. Can I give you an answer later?
And then just tell him a bit later, "Oh, it looks like there isn't going to be room after all. I'm so sorry. I would love to meet him another time, though!"
I'm also wondering how long this couple has been together. So what if they're only 22? If they're living together, they're obviously fairly serious, and if they are pretty serious, it seems that you are holding a bit of a double standard.
Its your wedding...you get to make the rules..not anyone else..remember that...
It depends on your +1 rules - if they are living together, I would consider that something that should warrant an invitation for him. Personally I would be fine with him coming, as long as there is room. I know that if I was in her situation and was invited to a wedding and my live in boyfriend was not, I'd be pretty upset.
However, that's just my 2 cents, and I obviously don't know the whole situation! I hope it works out for you!
I want to say the same thing. Unfortunately, my mom has frequently taken my sister as her guest when my dad hasn't been in town to go with her. So, I have to allow these substitutions (especially since my parents have decided to pay for the reception--I had save enough for it, but . . . .).
It's your wedding, you should call the shots. If you don't want to meet him at your wedding, tell them "no, he can't come." That should be final. Kinda like some people wanting kids at the wedding (FI & I) & some not (FBIL & FSIL, married 5 years ago, wanted an all adult affair...but they're allowed to bring FI's niece to the wedding b/c we want her there...not a double standard, just our preference).
I understand why you're upset and I'm not knocking you in any way for that however I kinda understand their side too. When FI's sister got married in October FI and I weren't engaged and had only lived together for approximately two months (but got engaged 3 months later). She talked about inviting me with her parents but then didn't and her parents ended up pressuring her to include me. Upon meeting his sister for the first time I greeted her with "its nice to meet you thank you so much for including me". Its hard to say whether or not they will act the same though. I guess I'm a partial people pleaser because I'd say just let them do it and not worry about it because truth be told the one person isn't going to change your day.
Wow, that's awkward. On the one hand, you'd feel kind of like a hypocrite for not letting her bring him. On the other hand...you have no idea who he is, and you don't want "random guy" in your wedding photos! I would say no, but that's because I have "random lady and random lady's random daughter" in my photos...
@Veganglam - - you are indeed correct so what they're 22..they have been dating for about 6 months. They began dating just before CB's wedding. He wasn't invited to her wedding since they recently began dating.
@LaborOfLove - - that would have been a super fantastic response however AG asked it in this way 'since my wife isn't coming can boyfriend come in lieu of..."
+1 Rules = = we didn't really set any rules b/c we know everyone we're inviting. Our wedding is 100-120 people and we know everyone plus their significant other. Our overall rule was that if they live together then we'll include them....I know I have to let it go. Its only one person.....And after all he is coming 'in lieu' of step cousin.....
Hmm, this is...a tough situation. I'm holding a similar stance on my invites, I'm inviting my so-called single friends that seem to be dating different people every week, and I'm inviting them ONLY. I don't care who they are dating at the time, they are not bringing them. If I haven't met them and/or they are not serious (i.e. dating for over 6 months) then they can come alone...
In your case though, because of that past issue that he brought up, you might want to just grin and bear it, especially since you wouldn't be adding an extra person to your list, just switching it out. I do agree with His Barista though, I wouldn't want to be seeing unknown faces--but then again, most of the family on my fiance's side is unknown to me (his extended family), so I guess I can't really complain about that.
It's really up to you and what you are comfortable with, but it could cause some problems if you decide to tell him no... :\
Good luck, I hope something works out for you!
Your WEDDING is not the time or place to be introducing new people. I'm with you on this one, I just think that people are looking into it and taking offense at some of the aspects.
The bottom line is that your wedding is a time for you to be surrounded by people you love and people who love you. This cousin (or whatever) is in a newish relationship with someone you don't know. They will have other family there. They will not be "alone".
I've had to draw the line with +1s as well and I (gasp!) told a very good friend that he could not bring his live in girlfriend. Just because they want to live together does not mean I want her at my wedding. (They knew each other a couple weeks before moving in, and my guest list was already made.)
Bottom line: YOUR wedding. YOU make the rules. Period.
I understand how you feel better now that I know they've only been dating for six months...that's a pretty short time--not to say that it means they AREN'T serious, just that it isn't obvious at this point that they're really in it for the long haul. I understand not wanting to meet 'random guy' at your wedding, especially because you're keeping it at ~100 people. It's also rude to ask if someone can be "substituted" for an invited guest. I could totally see, given the situation, why you'd want to decline him an invite!
I think generally that it is rude as a guest to ask to invite anyone not explicitly invited to a wedding. That being said, since I moved in with my now FI about 4 years ago at age 22 after dating for 6 months, I can tell you that we took our relationship extremely seriously at that time. We understood what a big step it was to move in at that age, it wasn't just on a whim. However, in terms of family functions we weren't really invited as a couple until almost a year after living together and even though I sometimes felt excluded (it was mostly his family that had events that year) I got over it and I don't hold it against anyone who made the decisions they did at the time.
Wow that's so rude I can't even get over it. Who asks if you can just replace invites?? I don't know what your wedding costs, and not that these vows are about money or anything, but it's just egregiously out of turn to ask a question like that when this dude is married and knows the cost of weddings per head these days. Rude!!!! Rude, rude, rude. Gross. I hate it.
I don't know what to tell you-- if you already said no, good for you. Have a glass of wine and cheers to yourself for being part of the eternal defense for classless behavior. If you haven't said anything yet, and it becomes an issue, just try to laugh it off and sarcastically remind yourself that you're hosting this event for your friends, family, special loved ones, and then some random 22 year olds in between. This is the approach I use to cope with some of my naive mishaps in my early stages of planning that are now permanent and that I profoundly despise. :)
Good luck!
A friend is living with her boyfriend and I told her sorry, I really don't know your boyfriend. It isn't personal. It is a small party. Same thing really.
I can understand you're side, and I am a little older than them, and Jason is 30 (so that does make things different) But Jason and I have been together/living together for seven months... And are considering marriage at this point. I don't think I would be offended, but I would be very hurt if I wasn't invited.
My ex and I were engaged after dating for three months (ldr) and then at six months moved in... We were 22. Granted it didn't last, but at the time I would have been offended if I wasn't invited to a family members wedding. But we were engaged so that changes things too..
And I can understand your side though, is it possible to meet him before the wedding? Or at least correspond through email, then it won't seem so much like a stranger? Worst case scenario you can just shake the guys hand and move on, you don't actually have to sit there and talk with him for hours, it's your wedding! :)
I was next going to suggest the same thing as Miss Yap: Well, that's unfortunate, but we're trying to keep our guest numbers down to only those who are most important to us and our families. We would love to meet your daughter another time, though!
I think it's your wedding and you should do what you want. Just because they live together and have been dating 6 months doesn't mean you have to invite the guy. You and FI have never met him (right?) I don't think paying for someone you don't know is something you should have to do because of your previous +1s.
Example: FI and I were living together for a few months, together 1 year but not yet engaged. I got invited to my cousin's wedding, FI did not. I totally understood b/c my cousin lives far away from us and had never met FI. I understood why they wouldn't want to invite a stranger to their wedding and pay the added costs.
Its obvious that inviting him is adding stress you don't need. Guests shouldn't ask to substiute someone else because the original person couldn't attend. I would respond with something like 'I'm sorry but we've had to limit our guest list to family and close friends only, I really wish that your wife could attend but we look forward to seeing you and your daughter at the wedding' If he pushes it just say again you had to cut the guest list and now have a spot open to invite another friend of yours or something. They'll get over it and if they don't then tough.
I wonder if the boyfriend even wants to come. This guy who once had a crush on me invited me to his aunt's vowal renewal- he said it would mean a lot to him. When I was actually AT the wedding, though, I felt really awkward- it was all family mostly and I didn't even know the lady. I felt bad that I was being treated to dinner and an open bar and was in all these pictures of this woman's special day that I didn't even know. It was totally inappropriate to be there.
I think people really twist words around on these boards. I can totally understand your logic, you are not being silly or selfish.
I would tell the guy no. In your case I don't think you can justify it by size since by his logic is that he is just replacing one person with another. Tell him you'd love to meet the boyfriend at another event, but that you are trying to keep the wedding intimate, with family and close friends only. I'm sure he'd understand and if he doesn't, he'll get over it.
I don't think it's too rude to ask for a substitution. Mostly because I wouldn't mind at all if someone asked me and I would hope they do if it applies. I do think you get to decide your own guest list and rules and it is not rude of you to decline. However, if my live in bf wasn't invited to a family member's wedding (and I wasn't super close to the family member) I wouldn't go. Well, I might go if my mom browbeat me into it but I wouldn't want to go and would wish I could stay home. But I wouldn't hold a grudge either.
Um, no. Sorry dude, you aren't going to the wedding. I have to disagree with what someone else said, just because they live together doesn't mean they are serious. I don't know how many people I've witnessed who move in together and it's not a serious thing and they move onto someone very quickly. Point being, just because they live together after not dating long doesn't mean they are serious. I think it's a case by case basis kind of thing you have to look at.
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NO HE CANNOT - - is what I want to scream. And when meeting this boyfriend on our special day I do not want to say “thank you for coming” because really I feel that he should be thanking us for inviting him.
Devil bride is coming out - - FH’s cousin (AG) just phoned to let us know how excited he is and can’t wait for our wedding. He then shared that his wife (FH’s step cousin) will not be coming (they’re flying in from NJ) and he would like to know if his daughter (SG, who is 22) can bring her boyfriend in wife’s place……Then he said ‘similar to you bringing Jackie-O to Cousin Brooke’s (CB) wedding…” REMINDER AG, FH and I own a home together and are 30 and 32 yrs old. While we weren't engaged at the time of CB’s wedding we were 3 months later. SG and her boyfriend are 22 y/o and recently moved in together…..
I know I know I know – I know I am being a brat! I really hope this doesn’t continue to happen…How did you gals handle these situations?????
EDIT = I do not mean to knock youg adults in love. SG and her boyfriend have been dating about 6 months.....