It is the PMS talking? Or is DH being a complete ASS?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MsBlackberry:  No it’s not PMS. I’d be very annoyed. To stay at a female friend’s couch may or may not be OK, but for your husband to not even tell you ahead of time… that boggles my mind.

Post # 4
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MsBlackberry:  Ugh…that is so annoying and i dont know how you will hold up for 6 days….I don’t think i would have been able to let him out the door! It’s just that he didnt tell you ahead of time…how did he think that is okay??

Post # 5
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

No. No for everything. I will never understand how women act normal about their husbands/fiances or whatever, having close female friends, let alone exes. I will never understand how that could ever be acceptable. its just really so mind-boggling to me. 

 

It doesn’t matter if you trust him and whatever else, that is an extremely inappropriate thing to be doing when you’re commited to someone let alone married, and he clearly knows that he’s doing something wrong since he literally didn’t tell you till last second.. It even seemed like he wasn’t even going to tell you until you asked. 

 

I would literally break up with my FI if I knew he was even still on speaking terms with an ex whom he had a physical and emorional relationship with, why do you need to have a close relationship with any female besides me? 

 

I don’t know how you didn’t lose it right before he left and actually let him go stay with her, I would’ve ruined his whole damn trip and would not have cared even one tiny bit. Nope. I can’t. 

 

Post # 7
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Er, yeah, no, you are totally justified.

This year, my FI agreed to be a groomsman in a wedding and go to the bachelor party–all told, we spent about $1000 on this wedding. That’s our food budget for THREE MONTHS. That’s our “fun money” for nearly a YEAR. Also, we are both grad students, but I am the one with a part-time job, so while he was off having a ball at the bachelor party, I was at home working.

I was so pissed. If he had stopped over for the night with a FEMALE friend, without talking to me about it looooong in advance, I would have been nuclear.

Is your FI conflict-avoidant? That would explain why he just popped it on you last minute.

Also, I would really try your hardest to wait until he gets home–maybe send him a text on the last day that says something like, “Hey, I’m really not too happy about your spending the night with Sam. I felt like I couldn’t say anything right before you left, but I want to talk about it when you get home.” That way he is prepared (and hopefully spends the whole long drive nervously anticipating your fury, lol.

I’m sure nothing happened, or he wouldn’t have told you at all, but you are well within your rights to be P.O.ed.

Post # 8
Member
2823 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Not acceptable, period and it has nothing to do with PMS. I’d be pissed.

Post # 9
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MsBlackberry:  Sorry to stoke the fire but I just noticed something else. You said he said “I have lots of friends there” (in the city he’s driving to).

*** So if he has “lots of” friends in that city, why doesn’t he stay with one of the male ones?? ***

I’d be furious.

Post # 10
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MsBlackberry:  okay totally misread that! thanks for clearing it up. It’s still totally inappropriate to be staying at any females house period when you’re a married man! 

i hope you give him a real long talk when he gets back because this is just infuriating :/ 

Post # 11
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I was kind of pissed off for you, just reading this. I’d say you are in the right and a talk is definitely due. I would be so pissed if I had to sit at home and stew about all this while he was having a good time.

Post # 12
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MsBlackberry:  Oh he would seriously hear it from me. I trust my SO completely and have ZERO issue with him having a female friend, but your DH was clearly being disceptive. Telling you last minute, saying “I have lots of friends there”…. he should have manned up and told you up front. So annoying. 

Post # 13
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@MsBlackberry: I would freak the f*$# out. I agree with paula1248why couldn’t he stay with someone else? Unless he’s just careless and does careless stuff all the time wihtout thinking about your feelings, I would be suspicious. The second he had the idea to stay with her, he should have asked you how you felt about it. 

And that facebook status?!? I could kill her for you it makes me so mad!

Post # 15
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My husband’s stuff would be out on the sidewalk, and thus gone by the time he returned from the trip.

Sam’s facebook status alone doesn’t raise any red flags, though. It just sounds like she might have a lot going on in her life.

Post # 16
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Nope, not the PMS, talking at all – this is inappropriate on SO many levels.

Trying to blow you off with the snarky “I have lots of friends” comment is just out-and-out mean.

Leaving you home carrying so many burdens while he parties is really mean as well.

And as for staying with Sam . . . well, hell, NO.

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