- 6 years ago
I’ve made a couple posts recently, because I’ve found out that my boyfriend of three years has a problem with opiate addiction, sometimes using heroin if he didn’t have access to pills. I just can’t get it out of my mind, and I just don’t know what to do.
He’s been in his hometown since just after I found out how bad things are, about a week, now. I did visit him on the weekend, and he will visit before he goes to an inpatient program (they are considering a few programs right now, and narrowing down the choices). When I saw him on the weekend I felt so hopeful, and something about coming home to an empty house, now, is just starting to eat at me and create doubt. I think not being able to see him and talk to him about everything in person is causing me to get more anxious.
I’ve been telling myself I can’t really make a final decision until after he gets back from treatment, because I need to see how to takes to it and how dedicated he is to maintaining a clean life. Of course, even if it goes well I feel like I’m always hearing about people with addiction problems relapsing. I don’t want that for my life, but I do love him and right now I just can’t bear the thought of breaking up with him.
I have a few worries on top of the obvious drug problem. My parents still don’t know. They had noticed that something was wrong, and I essentially told them that he had realized something just wasnt right with his life and went back home to figure it out. It is true, but I obviously didn’t tell the whole truth. I don’t intend to keep it from them forever, but until I figure out how to tell them and have a better grasp on what is going on I’m holding off on it. Right now, they absolutely adore him. I know that when I do tell them that they will still love him, but I’m assuming that they will start to put pressure on me to leave him. I mean, I’m their daughter. I may be about to turn 25 but they are still protective.
Then there is my gradmother–my only grandparent left–and I’ve always felt so lucky that he at least got to meet her. She so happily approves of him and he is crazy about her. She doesn’t approve of all of my cousins SOs, so I’ve always thought it was great that she had gotten to meet and love the man I thought I’d marry one day. Even the women who take turns living with her talk about wanting to take him home with them, haha. But now… my grandmother is 96. My SO and I were going to fly to visit her this summer. I can’t help worrying that, if I were to stay with him, he would lose her approval and never get the chance to make it up to her. As it is, he probably won’t be able to visit her with me this summer, because he will be in an inpatient program. In fact, he tells me not to wait for him, because she just had a huge health scare and he said he’d hate to think that, in waiting for him, I could lose my last chance to spend time with her. And he’s right.
Then there is the fact that we start a new lease for an apartment together in just over a month. It’s probably more expensive than I could easily handle on my own, but we live in a town that is little more than a college town, so at this time of the year it wouldn’t be easy to either find someone to sublease this apartment or for me to find a new one on my own, if need be.
The good news is that my benefits where I work include up to 6 free therapy sessions through a particular service, should I need them, so I’m going to have my first one on Friday to help me sort through this.
I guess I’m still feeling really lost, and I’m not particularly looking for responses so much as just to write this out somewhere where I feel like I’ll be heard. It’s been a week and a half since I’ve found out that he has a real problem, and two weeks since the initial drama that led to all this. I’m used to a completely drama-free life, and these two weeks are really starting to wear on me. Maybe it’s just because, right now, we’re just waiting for him to do treatment. Maybe I just need to feel like something is actively being done right now, because that is when I’ve felt more optimistic about this.