Post # 1
Up until about a year go I considered my relationship with my fi to be very blessed and crisis free. I’m not saying I’d lived a fairytale relationship but we were lucky to have got through the first 3.5 year of our relationship without much drama.
Then a year ago fi’s best friend died suddently for no apparent reason. He was 30. It took the wind out of my fi’s sail and I know it’s still something he’s coming to terms with. The 3 weeks following the shocking news was the worst of my life, so God knows how he felt. After a few months life returned to a new normality for us and we got engaged in October.
We put all our energy into making 2012 a much happier and care free year, planning the wedding and spending alot of time being grateful for all the things we have. Then about 2 weeks ago my fi gets told his job is basically going to be taken away from him in November. Weeks before we’re due to get married.
Again I brush myself down with the shock, tell my fi whatever happens we’ll deal with it, it’s not a big deal. Weddding will be fine, we’ll work out a contingency for the months that follow.
Then just now I get the news that fi’s brother is sick. His brother is 33. He hasn’t been ill from anything major in his life. He’s wealthy and leads a fullfilling life. It’s still a bit vague about what’s actually going on but he goes into hospital tomorrow for exploratory surgery. The words were swimming around my head when my fi told me, but I got “Kidney failure” and “Protein in the urine” And something about water retention. I’ve gone off a googled to see what’s what, but I guess until I know the whole picture it’s only going to make everything worse. We’ll know more tomorrow after the op and I’m hoping with every bone in my body that it isn’t something terminal. I saw my fi go to pieces after his friend died, I can’t even imagine what it’ll do to him if he lost his brother. They are very close.
This really isn’t about me. I’m here for my fiance any way I can be and until the end. My heart just breaks for him when he’s dealing with so much already. I almost feel guilty about trying to plan a wedding while all this is going on. Part of me is already wondering if the outcome of the results tomorrow will raise questions about whether or not it’s appropriate to go ahead with the wedding or to postpone. If it is decided that the wedding needs to be pushed back etc I’ll do it in heartbeat.
Thanks for listening if you’ve got this far. Sorry for the essay.
Post # 3
@Soon2BeeMrsG: ((HUGS)) I am so, so sad for what you and your FI have been and are going through. My heart goes out to you.
I don’t think you should postpone the wedding. Be there for your FI – you two love each other very much and you’ll get through this. Things will get better again and you’ll be married – committed to each other for life, through thick and thin.
He is very lucky to have you. We’ve all been through stuff like this and if we haven’t yet, it is a certainty we will. There are no guarantees that life is rosy and perfect all the time.
The pain will make you appreciate and savor the love and joy all the more.
Post # 4
I am sorry you’re going through this, and your FI must be devastated that this is going on with his loved ones. Be strong and do whatever is necessary to make him comfortable with the wedding planning. Read his body language to figure out if it should be postponed or not.
Post # 5
Sorry to hear you guys are going through this. I have no advice, but it’s nice to see that you’re so supportive of your FI. I really hope the news is good for your BIL. I’ll be praying that things look up for the two of you and your loved ones. (HUGSSS)
Post # 6
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
The only suggestion I can offer is, “be there for one another.” That’s what marriage is all about, and why we make vows of “for better or for worse, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.” Whatever you guys decide is the appropriate thing to do about the wedding, hold one another through this (as it sounds like you’re already doing.) Marriage gives us someone to share life’s challenges with, and the best thing you can do is be there for one another.
Post # 7
@Sunfire I agree. I’ve never been under the illusion that life will be a bed of roses, I just didn’t think it would all come at once. It’s like getting a punch in the face again and again every time you think you’re healing from the last hit.
@happyface I don’t intend to mention anything wedding related until we know more. Like I said before, it’s not important right now.
@SaucyMcgee Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I need them right now.
Thanks to all three of you for your heart warming comments. Thank God my desk at work is in the corner, so I can cry without making a scene!
Post # 8
I’m sorry you have to go through this 🙁 It’s okay for it to be a little bit about yourself, too. Supporting someone else is draining; if it wasn’t hard, it wouldn’t be impressive when people do it so selflessly. You’re clearly willing to do anything as long as it’s the best thing for your FI, and that’s admirable, but sometimes doing that with no outlet for your own frustration can cause resentment to set in and take its hold over the course of years. Make sure you take care of yourself, too (I have no doubt that you’re taking care of your FI).
It’s okay to plan your wedding, and you could make sure that you have people who are friends of yours who you can talk to about wedding planning so that you have people who are excited for you supporting you in it. You don’t have to feel guilty about wanting to be an official family unit with your FI, and wanting your FBIL to be your BIL. If it’s too overwhelming, though, don’t feel bad about pushing it back…whatever you guys need to do to get through this tough time, whatever will keep you two the strongest, never feel guilty for doing it.
My prayers are with you and your new family, I hope everything goes well, please keep us updated!
Post # 9
@ KCKnd2 Yes I agree. He already feels like my husband and I want be strong for him while all this is going on. I’m on his side 100%
@HappierKate I hear what your saying and you are right I do need to make sure I take time to look after myself but now, until we know more, I just need to be there for my fi. no good will come from discussing the wedding. It’d come off sounding so selfish and rude!
We should know more tomorrow and I will update then. Thanks all.
Post # 10
@Soon2BeeMrsG: Ohhh I can soo relate to your post and let me say how sorry I am to hear all of this – I can feel yoru pain in your post…BIG hugs to you…
Like you I thought I was living in the perfect bubble then someone popped it!!! Don’t want to thread jack but my brother was diagnosed with a Terminal illness last year and then this April FI lost his job!!
Believe me the Shock to the body when we have sad or devastatings news is very difficult to bear, BUT I will say this to you, for me knowing that my FI was there through it all, even on the days when I did not want to talk and for him the same too – is such a huge comfort… FI eventually found a new job (all be it on the other side of the country!) so life DOES turn around.. and losing someone close is never easy but choosing to remember all the positive that they did and left to others helps to remember them with a smile (even while they are still here).
Sending you and your Family ALL the positive energy and prayers I can… (((((HUGS))))))
Post # 11
@Soon2BeeMrsG: Hugs! thats so unfortunate that all this stuff keeps happening.
Post # 12
So sorry for the bad news. I wish FI’s brother the best of luck and hope he gets well soon. (hugs)
Post # 13
I need to preface this by saying thank you all for your kind words this week. It has been incredibly stressful in our lives and my fi looks like he’s aged 10 years. Poor thing. Thanks to Angkinah for your kind words, it really helped and I’m sorry for your loss.
I just wanted to check in to give you the outcome, as you were so kind to give me some words of support when I needed them! Fi’s brother has a form of kidney dieases but it is neither intrustive or terminal.
I cannot tell you how happy we all are that the situation is not as sad as we thought. While we’re still waiting to find out exactly what is going on, treatment etc it is a HUGH relief to know that the normality and stability we have in our lives can continue for the time being and for that I could not be more thankful or feel more blessed.
Fi and spent the day celebrating in a pub garden, soaking up the English sun and talking about nothing and everything, and pretty much came up with our postwedding-baby making time line 🙂
Right now I know how lucky I/we are. 98 days to go!
Post # 14
@Soon2BeeMrsG: Hey, I know what you’re going through, and in fact, I’ve often said the exact same thing many times myself–“When it rains, if it don’t ****ing POUR!” I’m in a similar situation. My FI and especially his mother have both been to HELL and back with all the sickness and loss in their family. My mother-in-law lost three of her brothers (two disappeared and never came back after they went boating and the other was killed in a sawmill accident) before they were even 30 years old and her fourth (and last remaining) brother died a few months ago after taking bad after a hiatal hernia surgery. FI’s parents divorced when he was a teenager and this is also around the time when his mother’s parents (who FI was extremely close to) died, one right after the other. FI often says that his grandmother died of a broken heart after losing three sons and her husband. 🙁 FI has also lost his sister and one of his nephews, who both died as babies. Now his sister-in-law has been diagnosed with breast cancer. All we can do is try to stay positive, keep praying, and continue to love and support our FI’s as much as we can. 🙁 Good luck to you! *hugs*
PS: Don’t give up on FI’s brother! 🙂 We recently had some good news about FI’s sister-in-law, and while she’s definitely not out of the woods yet, things are looking up so it could all turn out fine yet, just like it could for your FI’s brother. 🙂