- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
My FI and I have been together for over 3 years and he proposed on our anniversary (Halloween 2012). We had already decided on a wedding in Oct. 2013 and both families were expecting us to get married and seemed supportive.
The day after he proposed, we called everyone to tell them about our engagement. My dad, best friend, and brother were the only ones that seemed actually happy to hear the news. My mom said “that’s nice… I guess”, my grandma said “it’s about time”, and my SIL asked us to change the date because it would interfere with my nephew’s kindergarten schedule. WTH?!? After she said she wanted the date change, my whole family (EVERYONE!) said I was being childish for not wanting to change the date so my brother and his family could come for the week, not just the weekend. We finally caved and changed the date.
It took a while for us to have a chance to tell his mom (he wanted to do it in person), and when we did, she chewed me out about planning a wedding when we are in debt and on a tight budget. I told her that we are planning a very small wedding with a $3000 budget (lots of help from my dad and a bunch of DIY), so she agreed to allow us to use her property for the ceremony. She still gets upset when I mention the wedding and I feel like I’m on glass any time we go to her house to visit.
My grandma has said that she thinks I’m being selfish and bratty for having a wedding at all (this is my 2nd, his 1st), since she thinks that weddings are only for the girls anyway and that she thinks my engagement ring is “tacky”. That really upsets me because I was hoping she would allow me to wear my grandfather’s wedding band as my own. I was very close to my grandpa and it would mean a lot to me. Now, I’m just too afraid to ask.
My parents split up about 2 yrs ago, but still have not legally divorced (it’s going through the courts now), and my mom has said she doesn’t think she will come because my dad still lives in FL and she doesn’t want to be in the same state as him. She also told me that is the reason she has never come back to visit me. She is too upset that he cheated on her and that he will bring his girlfriend to the wedding, which she thinks would be a direct insult to her. However, his girlfriend is not the woman he cheated with, in fact he didn’t even know his gf when my parents split up. My mom has also said she doesn’t want to hear anything else about the wedding because it reminds her that she would have to come to FL and “play nice” to all of the other guests. Then she got angry when I told her we couldn’t invite any extended family because we had to keep the guest list under 50!
My brother has been supportive and agreed to be a groomsman, and his kids will be the ring bearer and flower girl. I asked my SIL to be a bridesmaid, but she changed her mind after she accepted. I asked one of my local friends to be my MOH as a way of thanking her for helping me with the DIY, then she got crappy about all of my decisions, and when I changed the decision for the bridesmaids’ dress (because we decided not to have a themed wedding and go with a more vintage rustic style), she just kept saying she loved the first dress and she refused to accept any other dress – even after I gave her 3 other options to choose from!
The only help and support we have gotten is from a few people. My dad has offered to help by paying for the photographer and a family friend of my FI has worked with us to rent her resturant for the reception, do the wedding cake, and have a full meal for about $1200. My new MOH has been super supportive and said it’s my wedding and she’ll go with whatever I decide. My dad’s GF has offered to help with the DIY (she’s good with crafts).
I finally just cut my friend from the bridal party and asked my best friend from high school to be my MOH (which I should have done in the first place), and my FI has cut his friend as well (who was having all kinds of issues about his personal life, way too much drama) and asked my brother to be BM instead. I’m just sick of all of the crap.
I’m at my wit’s end. I have stopped talking to most of my family and have lost almost all of my excitement about my wedding. It seems like everyone was happy about our relationship and future together UNTIL we got engaged. I told my FI that I’m seriously thinking we should just elope and tell everyone to shove it. I know that there are always people who don’t agree with wedding decisions, but this is ridiculous! Please help… 🙁