Post # 1
So my fiance and I got engaged about 2 years ago. We really aren’t in the place right now to get married…we both still live with our parents and I am going to nursing school full time which pretty much consumes my entire life. We both work full time as well but just cannot afford a wedding yet.
I know that we aren’t in the place to get married soon but I wish we could at least set up a timeline and start getting things in order. About 2 months ago his brother got engaged to his girlfriend…beautiful proposal, beautiful ring (which I don’t have either) and they already set a date. Is it wrong that I am so insanely jealous of them? Every time they talk about planning, or yesterday they went and looked at venues, I feel so jealous I almost want to cry.
How do I get over this feeling?
Post # 3
@Ami_zing: I’m sorry you feel this way. I think you just need to make peace with your decision. You chose to have a long engagement, so you have to be okay with that.
Do you think you could make a timeline of when you’d be able to get your own place and have your wedding? When do you finish with nursing school? Maybe figuring that stuff out will help you to feel more in control of your life and choices!!
Post # 4
I understand your feeling, and I think it’s normal to envy what you can’t have right now. I must admit, I do feel this envy whenever I hear someone bought a house. I’m 28 and still a student. Of course most of my friends have bought a house. They have been working full-time for years now. But what hurt the most was my little sister’s friends buying houses (she’s 3 years younger), ouch !
FI and I could have bought one when we started dating, but we thought we better rent before, just making sure before we made such a big investment. Soon after that, he decided to go back to college at age 36 to get a bachelor’s degree. This means we’ll still have to wait almost 3 years before the house, and I always thought I would be a owner by age 30. It saddens me, it disappoints me … but I think by age 33 or 35, when our goal is achieved and our situation will just be 10 times better because we both delayed projects in order to get an education, we’ll be happy we have decided to wait.
You’re making choices that are wise according to your own timeframe. I can totally understand how you feel, but to get over this feeling, there’s no secret : it’s for you to appreciate what you have. You probably don’t have debts (or they’ll be small) since you’re living at home. This is a major benefit, trust me. When you start working, all you’ll have to do is saving, while most of us struggle with debts for years. It’s normal to feel impatient, but you’re making the right choices. I believe when a couple feels ready to get married, it’s because they’re independant as adults – which you’re not (and this is absolutely not a judgement, it’s a statement based on what you said in your first paragraph that explains why you both chose to wait, and I think you will agree with me). Just remind yourself that this is temporary. You made a smart choice and there’s nothing to feel embarrassed about. Take pride in it, and maybe you’ll feel less envious of them. Their situation is different, and it’s pointless to compare yourself to them.
Post # 5
I don’t really have any recommendations for you. Its been hard for me with everyone I know getting engaged. i have actually found for me that throwing myself into helping them plan thier weddings. Other than that I just try to keep myself busy. When all that fails i come on here, or whine to my friends who have been very supportive of my whining even though most of them are already married.