- 5 years ago
Going anon for obvious reasons. This may be long, but I’m really lost and need your advice.
FI and i have been together for over 4 years now, engaged for about 8 months. He has been occasionally smoking pot ever since i met him. By occasionally i mean maybe once a week when more frequently, and once every two weeks on average.
I haven’t really had an issue with it when we met, because let’s face it, i didn’t know him very well and it didn’t bother me. During the last couple of years though, it has been bothering me more and more. I would get upset every time he would go for a smoke and he would see it.
Lately it has been driving us to even more arguments and usually ends in us not talking for days, even though we live together in a 1 bedroom condo! That is another issue of mine, that when i get upset i tend to ignore and not talk things over. Another topic for a post i guess.
Anyway, last two times we had a huge argument about it, he basically told me that i should accept him for who he is, that i got with him knowing that this is what he did, and that i should not change him. That i shouldnt lie to myself that i am okay with it if i am not. That he feels horrible every time he does it because of my reaction, and that i am taking away his easy going and happy personality.
I am not trying to make him quit all together. I know quite well that it was my decision to still stay with him knowing what one of his hobbies was. He is an amazing guy aside from that. He has a good job, knows what he wants in life, respects me and treats me well.
I just don’t know if my concern is justifiable. And if it is, then how do i deal with it? We are about to get married, and that is a big step. I dont want to make both our lives miserable because of this issue that is not an issue to him, but perhaps a bigger issue than it should be to me?
Please, some opinions and advice are much appreciated!