(Closed) it's all about the bride… or so I thought?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s really frustrating when you put in a ton of effort for someone and they don’t return in kind.  And it’s definitely ok to be disappointed.  However, she has a legit excuse and I do think you are overreaciting.  It’s really, really difficult to get time off from a new job.  So even if she was comfortable asking for the time off, she might not be able to get it.  You don’t want to put her new job on the line for a party do you?  So while it sucks, at least she can make it for the wedding – which is the important part.

Have you talked to her lately about non-wedding stuff?  Sometimes as brides we get so wrapped up in our weddings that we forget that people have lives outside of our wedding and we can become super annoying to talk to.  If you’re feeling disappointed with the lack of communication I would definitely talk to her.  Say you’re bummed you guys haven’t talked in a while and ask her what’s going on in her life.

 

ETA: Glad you feel better after venting!

Post # 6
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmmm… I do think it’s weird she won’t respond to wedding emails then.  And it still could be hard for her to switch shifts – she might not know anyone to switch with or something.  I honestly have no idea, just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.  But sometimes friendships naturally fade as people move on and change.  It is sad and disappointing but it’s part of life.  I’m sorry it’s happening to you.

 

Post # 7
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It sounds like it might be less about the particular issue of her not attending and more about feeling like there’s an imbalance in the friendship. Do you think that’s fair to say?

(You really can’t blame her for not being able to get time off from a new job; my husband could barely get 3 days so that we could take a minimoon  and he worked straight through the Friday before our Sat. wedding.)

Post # 8
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds like she is too caught up in herself as she has “moved past” that point in her life. I hate when friends do that… But, that being said, you just have to be gracious and say OK. Sorry you’re in such a crummy situation 🙁

Post # 9
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I know it is hard when you feel like you have done so much for someone else and you do not feel the same in return.

I was living in Switzerland when my cousin got engaged ( I had already flown cross country for her first wedding) Now I was traveling from Switzerland to Jamacia. I cannot even stress how much the plane ticket was. I traveled all thru Swithzerland driving my boyfriend crazy to find perfect regional gift. Found the perfect gift! Dragged it from Switzerland to Jamaica. Helped her with all the wedding stuff in Jamaica and was her only attendant. I even made sure everything ran smoothly the day of.

For my wedding she bought me a Calpholon pot off my registry. And did nothing more.

I have learned my lesson not to expect the same in return as what we give. You will be disappointed!

Post # 11
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Ok I personally think you are overreacting a bit. Sure you can be disappointed but putting your standards or what you would do/have done onto someone else isn’t fair especially in a friendship. In reality you choose to do those things for her wedding and it is really unfair to b*tch about it when you could have in reality done the same thing as her and say sorry I can’t do/afford that. Weddings aren’t tit for tat, friendships aren’t either.

Post # 13
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you no longer want to be friends with this person that is fair enough. People change but you need to realise that if that is the case it about you and your actions and not her. You said in one of your posts that she always puts herself first- so you know her character and it is up to you whether you want to accept this girl for the person she is or not to. friendship is about accepting people as they are.

As far as the support thing goes- there is a big differene between being supportive of your marriage and being a support in doing things for you. Friendship should be about the first one and only about the second one if possible (which in your friends case isn’t). Since your friend has never lost her mother I am sure she just doesn’t understand what you are going through and may not have even realised that it is a big issue.

As I said if you don’t want to be friends with her- then don’t but be adult about it and talk to her.

Post # 16
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

And you have your answer then- you no longer want to be friends with her. You said you know she is self obessed so why the suprise when she is being herself. If you do not want to be friends any longer and don’t like her personality then surround yourself with people you do like. But this is about you and not her- she is being herself and you need to be true to yourself.

As I said be adult about it and tell her and not passive agressive. And I say be an adult because that is what adults should do- not act like teenagers/children (b*tching and moaning behind others backs). Own your choices and let her own hers.

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