- 3 years ago
I am a regular bee but I don’t want to be judged so I’m going anonymous. I’m coming to the bee because I literally have nobody to talk to. I’m sitting here bawling and a blizzard has trapped me inside with a bottle of vodka. Thanks in advance to those who read through.
I’ll start by saying I literally have (or had) 2 friends; my (ex) FI and (ex) best friend. People have screwed me over so much in the past that I’ve just become so sheltered and scared to get close to anyone anymore.
(ex) FI and I have been together for 5 years. This so called best friend I’ve known for 13 years. Said Best friend used to be great, I would listen to her problems and let her rant about her boyfriend issues.
In the past year or two, her and FI would gang up on me everytime FI and I had a fight and somehow it would be my fault (even once when HE slapped me hard and twisted my arm, she agreed with him and made me feel like shit). She always says I dont tell the full story (I tell it how it is, I usually go to her to just rant) but has no proof of that. I’ve never left a huge chunk of the story out. But somehow she believes him when he tells her “his side” even though she was never there for any fight/has 0 proof. They were the ones always trying to tell me to let people in, that others have screwed me over, but they will never.
The other day, I got some really depressing news, but FI and I were gonna go to dinner to celebrate something else. He decided instead to ditch those plans (we had made them a month prior because it was important) and go drinking with his buddies instead. Not to mention, he drove home later (he recently got his license too, where i live, you can’t have ANY alcohol in your system when driving).
I told “Best Friend” this, and how upset I was that he literally made me walk home in the cold because he ditched our plans. She agreed he was being stupid, etc etc. and that I should at least write to him and be the bigger person about it (he wouldn’t answer any texts/calls so I had to resort to Facebook, how depressing). She tells me she has to go.
Few hours later, I opened up a different browser I hadn’t used and went to Facebook to check something. Happened to be FIs account, little did I realize. I went into “my” messages to talk to my “friend” again about something unrelated. It took me a minute to realize it wasn’t our convo, it was theirs. In it, I caught them talking about me, insulting me and cracking jokes about how “overreacting” I was being, and how he won’t reply to me until I’m “normal.” She laughed and said “congrats on your engagement” and “good luck with her.” Basically all insulting stuff.
I should mention I suffer from depression, but I keep it hidden now because I’ve been told I was just overreacting to things by both of them when I told them about it. After all this has happened, I’ve been starting to have suicidal thoughts again and I’m really upset.
I confronted them (I do admit I was drinking so it wasn’t my finest moment). They both told me I was being delusional, and they never said any of this (I have screenshots). When I showed them screenshots, they said they were just joking (definitely wasn’t). I’ve tried to explain to them how I’ve been feeling so low and just want to end this life, and they said quote, “talk to me when you’re feeling better.”
I told FI that the wedding is off, I took my ring off and its in the box waiting for him to get it. I can’t do this anymore. This “Best Friend” is no longer my friend. I cut ties with her.
Bees, I don’t know what to do anymore. My heart physically hurts, where do I even go from here? I feel so lost.