Post # 1
Okay hive. Firstly, I need to RANT!!!
We are on one heck of a budget (we’re both students!), we really tried to cut our invites down so we would end up with about 85, but even if everyone RSVP’d yes, we would have maybe 100 (we knew this wouldn’t happen as a lot of those 15 extras were out of town elderly). This means we had to cut people we would really love to have there if we had the budget, including my own cousins who live in the city (we aren’t close, but still.. we did grow up together).
To ensure that we kept it small, we specifically addressed the invitations as “To Mr. & Mrs. _____” not “To the _____ Family”. I figured by putting their exact names, while knowing that they still had children that they might take a hint..
We are now ballooning over with people RSVPing that their children (grown) are also attending (we’re talking 3-4 kids a piece here) and we’ve also gotten people inviting plus ones when we didn’t give them plus ones.. I know that sounds rude not to give them the option, but these are single guys who flit between girls and will attend the wedding knowing a huge group of the other single guys coming.
We can’t exactly reply uninviting them.. can we? What do you do here? It’s not only horrible that I have never even MET these people and they’re coming yet my own first cousins weren’t invited but we don’t have the budget to support all these extras!! AHHH.
Post # 3
Yes you most certainly can tell them that they were not invited. You’re not un-inviting them, they were never invited in the first place.
I am so lucky that we didn’t have this issue but I was fully prepared to call the offenders and tell them: I’m so sorry but due to budget and space constraints we’re unable to accommodate the extra people. I hope you understand.
I know some people will say that anyone single gets a plus one (got an earful about it from a family member) but screw them. Unless they’re paying, who you invite is your business and your business only!
Post # 4
Totally agreed. Unfortunately, the best way to deal with this is head on: call each of the “offenders” and make it clear that unfortunately you needed to keep the guest list under control etc etc etc and that you’d love for them to attend but that you can’t accomodate additional people.
Post # 5
You’re not in the wrong here, they are. It might not be the most fun task, but those peoplesimply aren’t invited and it was rude of your guests to presume that they could add to your guest list.
Post # 6
I agree with the PP above. Definitely call them ASAP to correct this issue. You don’t want to have to deal with this after people start claiming they took off time for work or bought their plane tickets etc.
Post # 7
+1 to all the above responses. These threads always tick me off. Weddings are expensive. People know that. It’s therefore rude to add significantly to the expense by inviting others not on the invite. Just call up and clarify. You don’t even owe them an explanation, just “I’m sorry but we can’t accomodate more than those on the invite”. If they can’t then come, then they can’t come.