Weddingbee boards

 So I've been trying to keep this on the down low. Its already scaring the crap out of me but I just didn't want others to worry too. I just need to get this out though..

 My last doctors app. was two days before Christmas and to my complete surprise I am already showing signs of my pre-eclampsia coming back again. This time its at 25 weeks. 5 weeks earlier then when I got it the first time. The first time was a total nightmare. Something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy or for any mother to have their child taken straight from their body and placed in an incubator with IVs and cords poking them and then placed 3 floors away from them in the nicu. The first time I delieverd within 3 weeks of being diagnosed. This time I am just hoping and praying to make it to 30 weeks. My absolute ideal would be to make it to 36 weeks but I feel my heart is preparing me for otherwise. I'm starting weekly ultrasounds and doctors appointments now. Our first ultrasound is tomorrow. My doctor is worried about me going into premature labor. She seems to be wondering if the babys head is already down. She aslo started me on BP medicine. Hey, I'm willing to do whatever we need to! 

 Last night on our way home from family Christmas festivities my husband and I were talking and preparing ourselves for the "what ifs". I told him we need to be prepared to have to wait a couple months to bring our baby home. And we need to be prepared for complications that hopefully will only last for a short period of time but could also last a lifetime. Our baby girl got tons of stuff from my family. I fixed up her crib last night. I put all her blankets in it and made it ready for a baby to sleep in. In the back of my mind I felt I was doing something totally pointless. I've waited for this little girl for a long time and I'm so mad that things are going this way again. It just doesn't feel fair. All I want is a healthy child. Whats so wrong with asking for just ONE healthy child??? Grrr...I feel so bitter. So don't get me wrong, I am VERY thankful. Just a little....aggrivated. To keep a positive outlook I keep looking at our wonderful little (now healthy=) baby boy. We got through it with him....I'm prepared to do it again. It just seems so much more scary this time.

 On a brighter note, I feel almost blessed this happened around Christmas. The past few days I have recieved SOO much support from family and friends. It really made me and my husband feel like we can conquer anything! :)

 Thanks for letting me get this out ladies!!!

 Thanks guys for the encouraging words! You really have no idea how much support means when you don't feel like you have much control over anything else. We are bound and determined to get through this!

@snmcdowell: Ya know thats a good question. The hospital I am "suppose" to be delivering at is a small hospital without a NICU. I'm already pretty positive that I will be delivering at a larger hospital an hour away due to all of this. My last baby I delivered at a different big hospital but that was 2 hours away. I will def ask my doctor tomorrow. I would LOVE to be next to the NICU this time! The last time I could only get up and see my son about once a day do to everything. If he was closer I'm sure it would of been ALOT easier!

@Neva: Thank you, Thank you!!! Its so good to hear from someone whos had it twice and has two healthy kids now. I find it amazing sometimes to look at my son and think "Whoa, that little boy right there at one point couldn't eat an ounce of formula within a half an hour but can now almost out eat his father!". It really makes you believe! It's really bugging me that I can't give my son and husband a healthy daughter and sister. My husband is being so supportive and I wish I could give him something back. Maybe I'm being to hard on myself. But isn't that just a mothers nature? lol