Post # 1
I find it annoying when people say “I can’t believe they are spending $X on …” dress, food, flowers, whatever, because “its just one day!” Or when people think a bride is being crazy because she cares so much about [whatever] because “its just one day”! I disagree, it isn’t just one day. A lot of pre-wedding events happen that bring family and friends together, and not just showers and bachelorettes or whatever. Going dress shopping and bridesmaids dress shopping with my mom and friends, picking out flowers with my MIL, telling people our exciting engagement news and seeing them smile, having out of town guests come for the whole week or weekend of the wedding, are all things that I value and am happy are happening because of my wedding.
I think we should give weddings more props. If people didn’t have weddings, I wouldn’t see SO many of my family members, since we are all spread out, except for at funerals. Which would suck.
What do you bees think?
Post # 2
raspberrymojito: Like most things in life “It’s just one day” needs to be put in context.
Some brides do need reminding that the wedding itself IS just one day.
The marriage is for the long term.
Post # 3
But….it’s still ultimately just one day.
Post # 4
Exactly what julies said. There are far too many women who come to this site and complain about their relationship problems and then make another post asking if we think 5k is too much to spend on a wedding dress. Stop thinking about the wedding dress — don’t marry the man who is cheating on you or treats you like crap or whatever.
In the end, the actual wedding is one day. The marriage is supposed to be forever. I only see the “it’s one day” stuff get thrown around when someone is acting completely off their rocker.
Post # 5
I agree with julies1949. Some brides need to be reminded that its just one day, and that the wedding does not constitute the marriage.
In my situation, a wedding is not a big enough thing for my entire extended family to spend money to show up. It would be kind of silly of me to expect them to as well, since the majority of my extended (and even immediate) family don’t have the sort of money to take a week off of work to fly to wherever I am getting married at. And vis versa, if someone in my extended family expected ME to take a week off work to fly out just for their wedding, I’d think they’d gone insane and I’d have to ask “are you paying for it?”
I, personally, think too much emphasis gets placed on the wedding and the engagement and the proposal and all of those bells and whistles, and not enough on the actual marriage. It kind of makes me sad to see the number of posts here from women questioning their whole relationships because their wedding didnt go off as planned, or their fiance couldnt afford to get them their dream ring, or they didnt get proposed to on the Eiffel Tower while fireworks went off or whatever.
Post # 6
While I certainly had many wonderful experiences leading up to and after the wedding, I don’t think people need to be reminded that these things can be really nice. They do, sometimes, need to be reminded that the wedding isn’t worth going crazy with stress/debt. So while I see both sides of the argument, I still think that “remember it’s just one day” can be good advice. That being said, one of my faovirte wedding memories was actually the night before the wedding, so I get where you’re coming from. It just has to do with the purpose of the phrase and how it’s used.
Post # 7
A lot of the “it’s only one day” reminders are to brides who are making unreasonable demands on their friends and family leading up to the wedding. The *wedding* is only one day – all of the pre-wedding events are extras. They might add to the wedding experience, but they aren’t the wedding, and they really don’t say anything about the *marriage* that comes afterwards.
Post # 8
Ok fine, you got me. It isn’t just one day, it’s just 4 or 5 😛
Still! It’s just a few days, and when everyone packs up and goes home, you’re left with years and years…and decades of marriage. I get that it’s a special day, and that they can be great opportunities to bring friends and family together but I don’t think that is a great argument for overspending or overstressing.
If sharing and making new memories with friends and family are truly what matter most then how beautiful your dress is, how many courses your meal had, how cute your favours are shouldn’t really matter much.
Post # 9
raspberrymojito: I think it would be awesome if people focused more on family reunions, marriage anniversaries, births and other major life events just as much, if not more than weddings. Weddings are just one day and they are just the begining of something. I actually think it is a shame that sometimes more money and time is spent on the wedding than other life events. Yes it should be a joyous occasion, but I would prefer o spend more money on a 25th anniversary celebraion than on my wedding day because that is an incredible accomplishment to celebrate.
Post # 10
It’s just one day is a statement that offers some perspective for a lot of couples. It means that you shouldn’t go thousands of dollars in debt. Your cousin/aunt/friend can have their wedding in the same year that you are having your wedding, and can have it in the same month. Someone else is going to choose purple as their wedding color, and have thier wedding at the same venue, and you might even know that person.
It isn’t to say that you can’t get excited over it. You have every right to be excited about it! I’m excited about mine. I do need to think about the “I get one day”, though. My cousin picked the same wedding color as I did, same venue, and will be getting married almost a year directly after me; “I get one day.” My friends are very involved in producing a large event a month after my wedding and are more into that than my wedding; “I get one day.”
Post # 11
I agree with PP, while it’s nice making memories and being around family all of that can happen with or without a wedding. Some families only get together for weddings, but some get together for a number of other reasons. A wedding IS just one day. Consider the amount of money and time people invest into their wedding I think it’s already given plent of props 😛
Post # 12
Good debate so far, thanks everyone! Just to be clear, I have not actually personally been told by anyone “it’s just one day” I guess I was thinking more about what I read on this and other websites 🙂 I don’t want to come across sounding bridezilla – ey.
That said, I also take issue with the idea that if a bride is focussing on details of her wedding a lot, she must be short-sighted and not be thinking about her marriage long-term. I think most of us have the ability to do both.
Post # 13
The entire wedding industry takes advantage of just this type of “once in a lifetime event” thinking and uses it jack their prices beyond belief. Throughout wedding planning I am conscious that a great deal of my wedding purchases are going to end up in a garbage can….save the dates, invitations, favors, accessories etc- which is pretty eye-opening when trying to justify spending a ton of money and helps me remember it is just one day. It can be good advice!
Post # 14
I kind of agree with OP, I mean I wouldn’t go into debt or make crazy demands on people (well.. yet) but my family is international and interstate and the ONLY time we all get together and catch up is at weddings and funerals. I’m sure I don’t need to say that weddings are slightly more fun than the funerals. With weddings becoming less fashionable, we haven’t had a wedding for 7 years… so people haven’t caught up for 7 years! How many people also have photographs of grandparents/great grandparents on their wedding day? I know I do, and I know I’ve looked at it and judged how they looked (not in a horrible way) so that day will be remarked on in my family for years to come. Yes there are details which won’t be remembered and blah blah blah but I do think they are incredible special times which are far more important than that saying implies, for both the couple and their guests.
Post # 15