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Oh no!! Good luck! i have two fur-babies myself and they learned to love DH in the first week. I wish DH was as much of a cat person as your FI! One of my boys is really skittish, too.
I did read in my Cat Fancy magazine (yep, i get that) that you can rub a towel over your cats and then rub it over the other cats so they all "smell" the same, which will make them have less animosity towards each other.
I get Dr. Jon's Crazy Cat Daily Newsletter everyday. He has lots of good ideas and tips for the cat lover. Likely it will be a 3:1 situation for your poor baby!
We have done this. FH has a pair of pants that he left on the floor where his cats slept; one time he wore them to my house. As soon as he sat down, my cat attacked the pants! She started obsessively rubbing her head on them, and then she stuck her head in his pocket! We couldn't get a picture of it... I wish we did! It was HILARIOUS.
We've noticed the cats smelling our clothes & shoes whenever we go from one house to the other. Hopefully with all the back & forth everybody's smelled each other by now. :)
Definatley keep things off of the floor, and one of those little Green Cleaning" machines is priceless!
http://www.anniesremedy.com/chart_remedy.php?rem_ID=22
Cat natural calming remedy....
60 drops sweet majoram, 40 drops lavender, 20 drops orange. Dilute in 4 fluid ounces of pure water and spray as needed.
Our vet sold us something similar....
and when we brought the kitten in, it was like "nothing"
@Tampamom...
I've heard of this stuff. FH has laughed at the idea, but I'm willing to try it. Can it be purchased at PetSmart or somewhere similar? Where do you spray it (surfaces, floors, etc.)?
It's something about the cat having the scent rubbed all over, though, not just the fact that she smells it. The article said literally rub your cat down with the smell!
You could spray them all with catnip, i bet that'd be hilarious! Also i've heard to have them meet face to face while they're in individual cages. So if they get all pissy and clawy, there aren't any humans in the way and they can't actually hurt any of the other cats. I have a friend who uses some spray thing that makes her cat all high basically, which i thinjk is what the pp is talking about. They just don't care!
Wow! Okay, we will try the towel thing.
We have a whole section of the house that we can close off, with the doors, so my cat will get her own little section of the house and his cats get the rest of the house. So as soon as I get there I'm going to keep her in the case and take her straight into her little section. They can smell & hiss at each other through the doors, I guess... and one of the doors is glass so they'll see each other. But they'll be separated... we're going to keep them like that for a couple of weeks and then slowly integrate them. ! The cage thing is a good idea.
I was really optimistic about this before, but am starting to get nervous. We'll see!
They'll be ok. Animals slowly get used to each other. My mom's cat always acts weird at first when i go over b/c i smell like my boys. I think a cage is a good idea, though, so it doesn't turn into a claw fest.
And make sure your baby has places to hide. I'd keep her completely separate during the day while you and FI are at work (maybe in YOUR room so she can sleep where it smells like you so she'll be most comfortable) so that they're supervised when they're all together until you're confident they won't go crazy on each other.
I had Sambi for 2 months before I got Sushi. I got them both at 8 weeks old. I took him home, had mom hold him down (claws tucked under) and let him and Sushi sniff and sniff. Boy they fought. Hissed, got pissy, growled, etc. But they were like, 2 and 5 pounds so it's not like they could do a whole lot. They were like tumbleweeds. Basically, Sambi had to show him he was first and bigger and badder (and mommy's first). He kept pinning down Sushi and biting his neck, making him squeal in this awful way. It was so creepy sounding! I'd separate them, make them sniff nicely, and give them both lots of attention. It took about 1 week maybe. I'd leave them alone during the day though. They had plenty of places to hide and get away in our house. The fighting got less and less, and Sushi got a little bigger and started fighting back and then next thing you know, they're cuddling and licking each other. At first, I kept them in separate rooms for a few days, then put them in one room together. You'd never know it now. They still fight and squeal, but it's definitely play fighting. So there's hope! See what your vet says. There, you have a happy story now =]
Love the title of your post!!
Give her a private space to get acclimated where she can feel safe. I know it is a pain, but cat boxes for all, and extras if you can. A dumbell shaped toy (one side on each side of the door) so they can bat at it and play if they like. Lots of people attention for everyone. You can also try feeding them on each side of a door. And mostly just be patient, it isn't always easy. Talk with your vet or a behavioralist if things get rocky.
There is a great behavioralist who said "that cats can't pick their roommates like people can, one day you wake up to find either Brad Pitt or Billy Bob Thornton in your house, and depending on your preferences and if you are Angelina Jolie you will be either thrilled or pissed".
Heck, some days I'm tempted to call a pet psychic for a couple of my monsters, or get prescriptions of Prozac for everyone, myself included 
FI has three cats and I run a cat sanctuary with 40+ cats - most are outdoors and we were worried too. John's cats have always been indoor cats and mine are outdoor or indoor/outdoor. I live way out there in the boonies, nearest neighbor or dirt road is over 1/2 mile away.
We kep the cats separated at first, rubbed Rescue Remedy on their ear flaps and gradually let them out to mingle under strict supervision. Now everyone gets along fine.
BTW, I have a t-shirt that says I do herd cats! And I really do! LOL
Thanks for the advice everyone! My cat has been at FH's house for about a week, and she's doing great! She's not afraid of the other cats and she even wants to say hello to them. The door to my cat's "room" has glass windows, so the cats have been able to look at each other. FH's cats have been really great about it. We introduced them to her one by one yesterday, very carefully.
One of them was so nice to her, he went right up to her and smelled her, and then they "kissed" each other with their noses. It was very adorable. However, we are still planning to keep my cat separated from the others for another week or so, then we'll integrate them slowly. We'll see what happens!
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No really, this post is about cats.
This week marks the last of a single-girl lifestyle for me, as I am moving in with FH in two days! I'm bringing my cat to his house tomorrow.
My FH has three cats already: a 13 y/o male who's very sweet & laid back, but not very bright; a 3 y/o female who's really skittish, and a 11 y/o alpha male type that likes to spray the front door when a neighbor cat comes into the yard. !
My cat is 13 years old and she's very sweet and quiet and kind of a pushover. She's afraid of almost everything. She's been very agitated at all the packing we've been doing. She really loves FH!
We've read all the books and we have a plan to separate them for at least two weeks. But I have never actually met anyone who's merged so many cats!
Anyone have experience with merging cat households?