Post # 1
Well we had been having all these really great conversations about timelines and saving and I thought the big question would be coming my way later this year….then BF got laid off. It’s been two weeks now, and I’m not worried about the everyday financials but I’m sad that once again we have to put our future plans on hold. Note: I was unemployed for a bit last year so now we’re both casualties of big corporate layoffs. I feel really selfish but marriage is something I want and soon! I’m only 27 but feel my clock ticking! I haven’t brought it up since the job loss obviously because BF clearly has other things he needs to focus on but on the fourth HE brought it up!
BF said that it had definitely been in the works and a ring was selected but now he has to save his money which I totally get. I really just wish he hadn’t told me, especially since he said it was going to be sometime after my brother’s wedding which is in September. I would marry this man tomorrow but understand that he wants to do the ring proposal. Anyway, I’m in my own shut it up pact/limbo for the forseeable future and it’s just really frustrating as I have two weddings to go to in the next few weeks. Sorry if this is long or I sound like a crazy person, I just really needed to get it all out.
Post # 3
I completely understand where you’re coming from and I’m sure a lot of people would feel the same way. It’s definitely tough, especially when circumstances beyond you both are creating the wait for you. Would it be a possibility to just have a simple courthouse wedding? Would you be ok with getting engaged without a ring? I know you said he wanted to do the whole proposal with a ring thing so would he consider getting a different one and then replacing it later when finances are better?
Post # 4
If marriage is more important than a big wedding or expensive ring, there’s nothing stopping you from a lovely intimate garden ceremony (think Miranda and Steve in Central Park a la Sex and the City) or an intimate elopement somewhere romantic. Don’t let money hold you back, and certainly don’t stop communicating your wants and needs to your SO.
Post # 6
If marriage is important, why not Justice of the Peace? Our JoP was “cheap” (50 bucks for marriage license, 75 for the JoP+Tip) and save up for the wedding of your dreams?
Post # 7
I would go to the courthouse, especially since you said you’d marry your SO tomorrow.
Post # 8
@MaddieM: don’t worry. Nothing happens before its time. Just enjoy your relationship and live your life, focus on other things. This is what I had to do. What is marriage really? It’s not some milestone or right of passage as some may think. It is what it is and there is no sense in stressing over it. If you know it’s going to happen why worry yourself and dwell on it?
Post # 9
All I can offer is sympathy. I was in a very similar situation. My now-fiance was laid off during our relationship and it took him a loooooooooooooooong time to get another job. It was very important to him to have his financial situation stable before proposing because he wanted us to start our marriage off on the right foot. We didn’t want to begin our marriage with extreme financial woes. So we waited. And it felt like it took forever and our lives were on hold for such a long time. But he eventually got a job, saved for a ring (his desire, not mine. I would have easily gotten engaged without one!), and now we are happily engaged and feel really ready to begin our marriage. Waiting sucked though. it feels like everything is on hold and it seems so stupid to wait. But I’m glad we did because we are able to do more for our wedding and have much clearer savings goals for house, kids, etc now that we are dual-income.
Post # 10
I agree that nothing is stopping you from getting married, if that’s what you want. None of thi other stuff is necessary.
Post # 11
I get the life on hold thing. I feel the same way while mine finishes the new schooling he wants to get done. It’s so frustrating. Mine won’t consider what the PP’s have said, so I sit and wait. I feel your pain.
Post # 12
Thanks ladies! I’ve mentioned the courthouse to him as well or something at our home(that’s what my parents did) but he seems to want to do something a little bigger though not ridiculous. I don’t see why after 7 years, but the idea of the grand gesture is important to him.
I think it’s because no one in his family has weddings/gets married that he would like to. My family always gets married at home haha. Two different mindsets I guess. Thanks for letting me vent.
Post # 13
Personally I would wait a bit longer for the ring. It’s not like you are in the omg-does-he-even-want-to-marry-me limbo. I think that you deserve a nice ring, and he deserves the chance to give you a nice ring/nice proposal because that’s what it sounds like he wants to do.
I agree with PP who said that you can do a super small wedding/elopement. That’s what I would do (am doing that, in fact).
Post # 14
I do agree that if you (not any specific “you”) are anxious to get engaged and married, you should be open to a smaller wedding/elopement, but we all have to remember that there’s another person in this equation: the groom. I personally would be thrilled with an SF City Hall elopement and dinner party reception, but my BF really wants a more traditional reception with all of our friends and family, and it sounds like @MaddieM’s guy is the same way. Thus, we save and wait .
Post # 15
@MaddieM: I totally relate. My BF wants to wait because he’s unemployed too. For him/us it’s not about the cost of a ring or wedding, it’s about pride. There’s no way I’m getting married without my parents there, and he wants to be able to look them in the eye as a self-supporting, stand-up guy who could in no way be accused of mooching off their daughter. Haha. I feel a little impatient sometimes, but if I were him I’d feel the same as he does about it, so I’m content to wait out of sympathy for him.
Post # 16
This is almost my EXACT same story — even had 2 weddings to attend while I was growing impatient!! LOL Except I was 34, ugh! But hang in there, mine got the ring shortly after he got the job. I’m sure yours will do the same!