it's long-but i need advice!!!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

He’s your dad. I think if you got that upset about him potentially not walking you down the aisle in the first place, you’d regret not having him there. Also, while he’s responsible for his own action (or inaction), don’t let this woman have the power to continue to affect your relationships with your family. If you stand firm and don’t allow her to be there…while expecting him to be there…and she DOES end their marriage over it, the least you could do would be to support him getting poison out of his life. Especially when being there for you was the line drawn in the sand.

Post # 5
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sminckel:  honestly, it’s pretty simple. While I can totally understand why you don’t want your stepmother there, she IS still your dad’s wife. And when he says they’re a package deal, I can understand that too. I think you are putting him in an impossible position, making him choose between his wife and his daughter. I think you either need to peacefully accept that neither of them will attend if she is not invited, or suck it up and extend an invite to both of them if you really want your dad there. 

 

Post # 7
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@sminckel:  While I understand not inviting such a toxic person…I don’t think you can hold this over your dad. That’s a tough spot. DH is dealing with problems between me and his mom, and it’s a tough situation for any person to be in when you’re between two people you love. I try to be understanding but lay out my expectations. I kno there has been bad blood between you, your sisters, and your evil step-mother but then you just have to make a decision. I understand where all of you are coming from, so its tough.

Post # 8
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you should take your dad up on his decision to come to the wedding because he is making an effort. The reason he said no in the first place is because he knew it would cause a lot of drama for him to go alone. People get in a place where they are stuck, and even though it’s not a nice situation it is comfortable for him. The fact that he is willing to basically be divorced by his wife to attend your wedding shows that he does care, and he does want to have a relationship with you and your sisters. Give the guy a chance, and let him decide a bit closer to your wedding what he will do. 

Post # 9
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Aah, your stepmother’s a bitch; you don’t have to invite her.

Who cares about package deals when part of that package spent YEARS abusing you and trying to ruin your life?
Not just that – but your relationship with your future husband!
To me, that is a LINE that ettiquite just doesn’t cover, or cross – there is no use being polite to someone who is such a negative force in your life. 

She doesn’t get to go because she doesn’t support you, or your marriage.
That’s it.

In other news, get your father his own storage unit or get him to get his own (he’s a big boy) and let him come to your wedding.
He’s trying to give it a shot (and even planning ahead on getting kicked out and a divorce, like he wants that to happen? I mean, good for him but it’s a little odd, too.)

Have people (trusted guests) on hand if evil stepmother shows up – I mean, heck; have someone ready to call the cops if she shows up (maybe someone who knows the cops). She’s threatened to shoot your fiance, her showing up there is akin to making a threat to your new family.

And BTW – kudos to your fiance for standing up for you!
Not many partners would know what to do in that situation, but he stood up for your and your whole family!
Good for him!

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